So, I'm feeling on this "what came first, the egg or chicken?" kind of situation. I'm pretty sure I'm not straight, but pretty confuse about how far I am from this too. More I think about it, and read the posts here, more I realize that I have to try it out, to find some answers. But I also realized that it's gonna be very, very difficult to me to have something with a guy while still in the closet. But then, I don't want to come out until I am sure (a little bit more sure than now, at least). But I'll not be sure until I try. But will be almost impossible to try without coming out. And I guess that by now you guys figured out what I am talking about. So, the question: Have you been on this? What can I do to get out of this? How you found for sure your orientation?
Hey dude, Have you tried going onto the internet and see what turns you on more. Guys or girls, or both? Looking at yourself, what do you see? That kind of was a realisation for me, looking in the mirror. I can imagine that it is difficult while being in the closet, like me, but its not impossible, you can experiment without coming out. Are you in school/college, are you able to make friends with some gay guys, or maybe you could volunteer or just go out. It sounds difficult, I know I need to do it. But maybe you could let someone in on this secret, somone you know who will support you no matter what, even if it turns out that you are straight. They could help you... Just a thought dude. =D
I understand what you're feeling. I'm still in the closet and I've had the same problems. I didn't need to try anything before I was sure I was gay. Everything made sense after I accepted my sexuality, and after being with a guy for the first time, my suspicious came totally true. But I understand that you may be feeling insecure and that you want to try first. Anyway, you don't need to be out of the closet to try being with a guy. As I said, I'm still closeted and I've already been with some guys. You can meet someone online (but be careful with what you find!) or you can try to find if some of your friends or your friends' friends are gay. Also, telling what you feel and your insecurities to a close friend can help you with that. Good luck!
Nollaig20, the whole internet thing actually gave the hint that I've never being that straight, but I still don't feel sure. Kohut, I'm pretty sure I have no gay friends. Ok, not that sure, but sure, anyway. And both of you, thanks for answering. Maybe I should just tell someone, and see what happens. I have at least one friend that I think I can trust on this, so, maybe I'll give it a try. Again, thanks.
UndecidedJohn, I definitely think you should, atleast then you won't be carrying this burden around with you. Just ensure you can trust who ever you decide to tell, it will probably make you feel ten times better!!! =D My luck is sent your way...
Yes, try telling that friend of yours that you're questioning your sexuality. See if your friend can help and see what happens and how you feel after telling him/her. Good luck!
You might try just letting your fantasy run free for awhile. Give yourself time to fantasize about whatever floats your boat, and see where that takes you. Lex
Everyone has their own way of going about "confirming" their sexuality. At this point I now realize that I put myself through a lot more "trials" than were necessary just because I felt like I needed to be absolutely sure due to my fears of what would happen once I came out, etc. I'd say don't overthink it. If you want to connect with people the internet is an excellent way. I use tumblr and I met a lot of wonderful LGBTQIA persons there, one of which I ended up dating and that was actually the confirmation I needed to feel sure of my sexuality although really I shouldn't have required all of that. It was quite plain if only I would have allowed myself to see it sooner. Good luck to you.
Lex: I've kind of been doing this for a couple of days, actually.Seems like this boat is floating right to the rainbowland, and that's actually bothering me more than I thought it would.
(I had to google "pinpoint". This place helps me in so many ways =D) I guess ... inner prejudice is one thing. Seems like if I still like women, I wouldn't be so wrong. I know it's wrong and ridiculous, but some things are difficult to ... absorb. And other, well, my mom, my whole family and even some friends. I feel like if I am bisexual, I don't need to come out to everyone too soon, I mean, only if I really find I guy and stuff. Damn, I feel like I'm making no sense at all. I mean, when I think about coming out to people (like, not right now, just in some not so distant future), the only thing I can think of is that they will imagine me sucking a dick, and will be disgusted. And I can handle a lot, but this ... I think I can't.
You are making a lot of sense. That's how I felt when I was questioning. For one, I was undeniably ashamed of myself for quite some time. Also I had some guilt about disappointing/embarrassing my mother. And I get that you want to know for sure because you don't want to have to go through any unnecessary (some of it is necessary and unavoidable) turmoil (in the case that you are bisexual). Before you come out to anyone, I think it's important that you accept yourself. I don't think it's necessary to be 100% accepting of your sexuality before coming out but I'd say at least get to that 80% mark because otherwise dealing with negative reactions will be really difficult. But if you have friends or family that you know will be supportive then I suggest reaching out to them. Having support will help you feel more secure/safe and make it easier to process these thoughts/feelings.
80%? yeh, that's gonna take some time, I guess ... Anyway, thanks for the advice, and stuff. It's good to know that is normal feeling like this at first. I've been often worrying if I would ever be able to accept myself, any way I turn out to be.
It's completely normal. I've felt these thoughts many times for the past 6-7 years. For a long time, I never thought I would be able to accept myself, but recently, I finally managed to. It just takes some time!
