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I really need answers Im loosing my mind

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by corwilvat, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. corwilvat

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    sorry this is long but i really need help

    ok so I'm bisexual, I think I might lean more towards men because thats all I think about when I masterbate and I even think about them when I have sex with my girlfriend from time to time (if im having sex with her and I cant finish ill pretend its a guy and boom im done) BUT I dont want a relationship with a man because I want a wife and kids and I could never ever ever in a million years call a guy my boyfriend or anything of the sort. I just really want to mess around with a guy.

    but anyways onto my delema

    So I have this friend who I am sexually attracted to but Im not sure if he is into me or not because the other night we got drunk and we cuddled together while shirtless. He let me very sexually kiss and suck on his neck, chest, nipple, and he let me play with his earing with my tongue. while I was doing this to him I was also rubbing the tips of my fingers under his pants where his pubes would be if he didnt shave (at this point we were tipsy) after this i let him fall asleep on my arm and right before he did he complimented me saying how my bicepts are perfect. at one point through the night I had to get naked to fix my pants and I noticed he kept looking at me. He also on several ocasions rubbed my dick and played it off as him joking. He even licked my dick while I was standing with it next to his face (I had athletic shorts on but no underwear) he then complimented me saying that I have a really big dick. we both confided in eachother saying that we have a very slight foot fetish and he got an erection while a rubbed my foot on him and he said for me to take it away because he was about to get off. at other points throughout the night he would use my lap as a pillow and when I started to get hard he ever so slightly would move his head closer so that my dick would be touching his cheek then when no one was around he whispered to me that he could feel it yet he didnt move away. oh and while we were cuddling I was pressing my erection up against his thigh and I asked him if he could feel it and he said yes but he didnt move away. then the next morning a bed opened up (this was at a party) so we both moved into the bed and I jokingly pretended to jack off then he started to pretend to jack me off but he was actually patting my dick as he was doing this.. so I said that I would get a boner if he didnt stop and he continued to do it until I got a boner then he stopped, rolled over, and went back to bed. So the next day I was texting him messing around "pretending" to be gay with him and he was going along with it until I said I wasnt kidding, then he said that he loved me but that he would never do anything with me, so when I pointed out that I felt his boner when we were cuddeling he claims that it was his finger.. he swears up and down that he is not gay.. I even asked him if he was curious (not blatantly) but I did it in a way that if he was he would have said something along the lines of (i guess i would try that then) but no.. nothing... he says that it would be impossible for him to get a boner if a guy was touching his dick... so I dont know what to think, is he just messing with me? is he bi but is too scared to open up to me? or is he straight and just really open? oh and might I add he is a jock, he plays football, baseball, hockey, and is on the swim team... so it could be that because he has always been in the typical jock popular kid scene in highschool and still is now maybe hes even more represed into not opening up? I dont know im just so frustrated because I want him to be my secret fuck buddy soooooo bad... p.s. im not out of the closet so he would definetely be secret
     
  2. Nollaig20

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    Hey,

    It sounds to me that your friend is nowhere near entirely straight, any straight guys I'm friends with, or know would say doing that with a guy is too far. So if he is not gay, he is most likely bi considering the antics from the other nights. :wink: So I suggest for you not to pressure him into anything, don't ask him straight blank again, invite him over to your house or out for a drink, losen up the tongue a little, it might happen.

    Just with a point you made at the top, you say your into guys a lot more than girls, and that you will never see yourself with a guy in the furture. Are you sure? Because it seems like you consider guys as your stronger sexual desire. I know I've slept with many girls, although I'm still more attracted to guys, I always told myself that I would mess around with a guy, that is it! You reminded me abit of myself there, so I advise you to really evaluate what you want, it can be difficult coming to terms with your into guys well more, I know, going through it myself.

    Good Luck, Ps you shouldn't really cheat on your girlfriend. Figuire out whats more important.
    Aiden
     
  3. Filip

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    Well, it does seem like he's interested (there were a few too many boners in that story to deny that...), as long as he'll never have to admit he is, and can always pretend: "whoops, how did that happen? This was the really final time I did this".

    However, even if that might mean that sex with this guy could be a possibility, I'm leaning towards asking you to reconsider what you're possibly getting into.

    - He did pull back immediately when you admitted to being serious in any way. Which means that, if you push him in the wrong way or at the wrong time, he could end up totally freaked out. If he gets really upset, he might even tell some of his other friends about it.

    - Same for if you would actually end up doing more than what you already did and he ends up freaked out. If he feels pressured and forced to salvage his own self-image as a straight guy, he will throw you under the bus.

    - Far be it from me to tell people how to behave in a relationship, but this really isn't fair on your girlfriend. Basically, you decided that you want both your wife and kids, but you would actually prefer your sex with men on the side. Which, I guess, is theoretically feasible if you and your girlfriend would agree on it. however, if she doesn't, then you've already determined that her feelings on the matter don't matter as long as you get what you want. Anyone deserves better than to be relegated to convenient accessory.

    - Also, and there are quite a few others here who can back me up on this, leading a double life and constantly being at risk of being found out really is more trouble than it's worth, and in the end leads to both an unhappy family life and not-so-great sex on the side.

    So, I think your best option really is one of two things:
    - Reconsider why you really want a wife and kids in the first place. Is it because you would love a girl and would want to have kids with her? Or if you really want to just conform to the "ideal norm". If there were no prejudice against guys marrying guys and getting kids together, would you mind as much?

    - If you insist on messing around with a guy and figuring out more where that leads, I think it would be better to do it as a single guy rather than starting up a double life.

    so the tl;dr version: if it's possible to have sex with the guy, I'm not convinced it's really worth it...
     
  4. goldentony111

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    all the best !