Which group should I choose?

Do you actually have to choose a group and stay with them while completely ostracising yourself from the other?

I don't see why you couldn't just still meet with #1, albeit maybe less than usual, and also meet with #2 but only for what you feel comfortable doing with them.

 

Why don't you make the reputation for yourself as a designated driver? They're always welcome at the party whether they drink or not.

 

Seriously? I didn't know this and I've been studying at uni for three years now. Maybe it's an American thing? If it is then I maybe wouldn't know about it. But can it really be that different on the other side of the pond?

Here we had some 'groups' in high school but I was never a part of them. I just had friends. My friends were the ones I liked the most and was happy to spend time with and talk about things that were important to me. Then those friends had other groups of friends. But I was never a part of a group. And it was never a problem.

Honestly, I wouldn't try to be a part of either of those groups. Why do you have to choose a group? It sounds like you're going to feel miserable in both of those groups. I didn't even know that bullying still happens in college. If it does, then you're old enough to walk away from it and you can choose not to spend time with that person. If you still want to spend time with the people in the 'group #1' then at least tell the bullie that you do not like how she treats you and wish her to stop. Don't fight back, you're better than that. If she doesn't understand it, just let her go. Just walk away. Maybe the others will follow you.

If you like the people in the 'group #2' you can certainly spend time with them too! No one should force you to party or drink or anything like that though. Go to a party if you want to go. But don't go if you would go just be able to be '

---------- Post added 13th Sep 2011 at 01:40 PM ----------

That's a great idea! Besides it's cool to be a teetotaller.

 

I don't see why you should have to abandon group #1 Did you make it clear to this person that the bullying was unwanted & unwelcome? You said it was riendly bullying, but in my experience, there really is no such thing - bullying is bullying. Have you considered why she might be doing this to you as well? Years ago when I was in 8th grade, there was this girl who used to tease & bully me all the time. A few years ago, I ran into one of her friends who told me that she had a HUGE crush on me back then. That was apparently her way o dealing with it. But everyone is different. As for group #2, there's no reasonn you can't hang out with them either. Just skip the partying, except for maybe the odd one now & again. And I agree with maverick, desginated drivers are always welcome at any party, but just make sure you can deal with all the crazy, nonsensical things drunk people do, it can get really annoying after a while!

 

If that's what the bullie says I wouldn't believe a word she says. It really sounds like she's trying to hold you back and make sure your life is as miserable as possible. You really shouldn't sacrifice all of your free time to them. You should enjoy yourself! And she comments on your spending time with other people it's only a clear sign that you're having better time than she is and she's jealous. Sounds like a cliche but it's true. And for some reason it sounds like that girl was 13, she's so behind! Stuff like that shouldn't happen in college.

That's really weird!

I met a guy in my first year at uni too, who followed me around and told me that he was really lonely because everyone else already had a 'group of friends'. I had no idea what he was talking about because I just felt free to talk to anyone I wanted and then asked the nice people to hang out with me, go somewhere or to watch a film with me or whatever. Maybe I was just blinded by the whole group effect and didn't see it. I'm not sure if I did it all wrong, but it didn't bother me. If it bothered someone that I didn't play by their rules, then it was their problem. Hey, I'm happy and I have great friends. I don't need a group.

 

You dont' have to choose any of the groups.

It seems you have been getting on well with group 2. But maybe you have been friends long with the people from group one. So I would confront them in group 1 and tell them that your unhappy about things. Maybe then they will change there attitude towards you. If so, great! If not, then I would hang out with group 2 or just find friends that you get on well with.

If you don't want to go out to the parties you don't have to, maybe you could be driving people around because you always need somebody who isn't drunk! You can still have a good time without drinking!

 

As long as you're comfortable being around drunk people while sober, I think joining group #2 and not drinking is a great idea. There were a couple of girls in our group in college who didn't drink, and it was great to have them around! They didn't need to drink to have fun, and they were especially helpful at the end of the evening, making sure everyone made it home, etc.

 

These people. If you don't wanna drink then don't drink. You can have fun at parties without being drunk, plus you can be the one who watches all the stupid/hilarious stuff they do when they're drunk/high and make sure they get home safe afterwards.

Much love from them for being the person who made sure they didn't fall into a ditch and catch hypothermia. Much hilarity for you as you watch them stumble around like toddlers making fools of themselves and then not remembering what they did the next day

 

any you want