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Sucked into the love game and slapped in the face.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jason10, Sep 14, 2011.

  1. jason10

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    Well, this is basically me trying to make sense of a situation as well as vent, speak about it and try to get some advice on the whole situation. I have very recently been on an organised holiday where a group of people go round visiting places on a coach. (Similar to the program 'Coach Trip' but there are about 70 of you and you don't vote people off lol) I had already done a trip with the same people last year and went alone this year. Some of the people who I became friends with last year were also on the trip, one of which was gay and I was rooming with him. We'll call him Bob. (For the record, he was in his late 20's and in a stable relationship before you get any ideas.) He is what I consider to be a great friend and we would constantly chat about issues online.

    Another friend who was a woman in her 30's (We'll call her Jess) was also on the trip so it was like a nice reunion. This year, there were more younger people my age on the trip, two of which were already friends with Jess. Again, I will use code names: Jack who was 16 and Kyle who was 17. Having already spoken to Kyle and Jack over the internet already, it was really nice to finally meet them in person. Both of them were really nice and e quickly became friends.

    These trips are very intense, with many late nights at hotels and early mornings. With a lot of us knowing each other already, we went round in a group and would often go to each other's hotel rooms each night to talk and have fun into the early hours of the morning. This group was Me, Bob, Jess, Kyle, Jack and a few others whom I already knew from last year too. Soon after the trip started, Bob told me something. He said to me one night in our hotel room that Kyle liked me. This came as quite a shock as I believed him to be straight but I too very much liked him. He was very VERY attractive and had a really nice personality. But the idea that he was gay could like me too was something I did not believe. Bob said he hadn't said anything to him, but he could tell by the way he acted around me, or would look for me and come over to me if I was further ahead or behind him in our group.

    As the trip progressed, Bob kept telling me that he liked me and that Kyle was gay also. I told him that I really liked him too and he said he would try and find something out. A couple days later, we were at a restaurant with the trip group and I was sitting next to Kyle and across from Bob. We were talk and then, out of the blue, Bob asked Kyle if he was gay straight out. Kyle ducked his head and didn't say a word. He looked incredibly embarrassed and shy about the whole thing. He never said anything.

    This totally played with my mind until finally, later that night in our hotel room, Bob told me that Kyle came out to me and said that he did in fact like me. I was SO happy and was literally on an all time high. This was my first ever true romance that had gone anywhere. I was, as you could call it, in love. I soon started to talk to Kyle more and hang around with him. Nothing happened and it was more a close friendship than anything. The last few days of the trip were interesting. He came to Bob and mine's hotel room one night and stayed with me. We got talking and he came out to me and confessed his attraction. Obviously I knew but Bob had told Kyle that I liked him already. The sexual tension was INCREDIBLE and I honestly did not know what to do. He ended up sleeping in my bed with me that night. (NOT sleeping with me. How awkward would that be with Bob just feet away in the bed opposite.)

    Soon, the last day of the trip came along and that was incredibly sad. Again, he spent the night at my hotel room and slept in my bed. We laid together just staring into each other's eyes but again, neither of us had the courage to do anything.

    The next day, I left for the airport. I desperately wanted to kiss him goodbye, but didn't. I have no idea why. Here's the catch, I live in England... he lives in America.

    We talked a lot after the trip. We both told each other we wanted something to happen but we were too scared. We wanted to kiss. We wanted to hold hands on the coach. We wanted to do something with each other but never did and regretted it. My mum works for an airline and gets cheap flights. I decided I would fly out to see him. Jess, Jack and Kyle live in the same area of the country and Bob was making it out to visit him in the time I would fly out. So I did. I booked the flight and I would finally be able to get something going. Wrong. After about a week of talking and discussing our romance we would finally be able to complete, he said he might have found someone as if I had never existed. He didn't say it like he was sorry, or that he had gotten over me or anything. One day, he just said to me out of no where that he hoped his parents didn't block this guy's number because he had found someone. WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. THAT.

    I did fly out to see him, but saw him as a friend rather than a romantic interest. I had to meet this 'someone' as well. On numerous occasions. He is quite frankly a complete tool. He is one of these people who creates problems to get back at his parents and to seek attention. I don't understand. We were so interested in each other and I was flying out to see him (though not the MAIN reason to fly out. I was also seeing other people in the area) and everything. Then, that didn't matter anymore and it was like our spark never existed. We did talk while I was over there and I told him I was totally thrown off by it. I told him how I was so interested in him and almost in love with him and that I felt lead on when he said he found someone. I said that this guy would also cause more problems in his life as well. He really is not right for him as he was already dragging him into things he did not need. He told me the distance would not have worked and stuff. But... the was no other reason to just abruptly say he had found someone after confessing his interest in me. It's almost cheating? :bang:

    It's all good and well to say, just move on and accept that you live very far away from each other and that he has found a guy. But... BLAH. What happened? Don't get me wrong, we are still amazing friends and we will confide in each other with our issues and offer support, but there was so much more than that. I don't get it and I'm now left feeling so confused, regretful and stupid about the whole situation. I'm almost waiting for him to finally dump this guy so I can jump right in again. Ehhhh... the problems of a 16 year old's love affairs, eh? I know, I know, I shouldn't worry about love. I was one of those people who would say that too... but then it hit me. I was run over by the love train and now it's me caught up in the game when I said it would never happen to me. What the heck. What the heck. What the heck.

    Sorry for the long post, but I felt it important you knew the whole story and felt it important just to vent and get across my story. :bang:
     
  2. Gerry

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    Wow, long story. Lol.

    But in all seriousness, at this point I think you should just be glad your friends with him. As interested as you are in him romantically, he has someone who lives closer to him that he can be with physically. At your age (or any age), long-distance relationships are very hard to make work. They take a lot of effort on both sides and that's obviously not something he wants to give, even if you're willing to. It's hard to say what happened when he found you attractive and then just ended up finding someone else. That's something I think you should talk to him about. Him saying distance only seems like part of the reason. And if that is all it is, he should've been honest with you from the beginning. Like I said, talk things out with him but at this point I think it's best to just remain friends, as that's what he wants. I am sorry to hear how he did things but (as I'm sure you've heard before) you'll find someone else you can be with closer to you. You're young. There's plenty of time and there will be many more guys. :slight_smile:
     
  3. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    First "romances" that don't work out are usually the hardest (*hug*)

    All I can say is to never look at things with regret. I know it didn't turn out the way you wanted, but, as hard as it can be, be happy that it happened!

    From this little adventure of yours you have already learnt so much. Now you know how it feels to let your emotions play with your mind, you know that next time you should maybe take an initiative to make something happen and you know that you had a great time. Plus, you got a good friend out of it and it also makes for a good story :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Learn from it and look forward for the next crush because I promise you there will be one. The good thing is that next time it happens you will already have some experience under your belt so it will get easier every time :slight_smile:
     
  4. Jim1454

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    I'm sorry to hear that this turned out this way.

    As someone on the outside, reading your story, I can imagine his perspective as well. You're already out to family and friends - he wasn't. So coming out to you and Bob would have been a real rush for him. He's going to feel a connection to you that's different from how he feels about most people - because you knew something about him that most people didn't - AND you were cool with it. You could relate, because you were gay too. And then being the same age - it was likely all pretty overwhelming for him, and he was BOUND to feel very close to you.

    Plus - you were all on vacation. The old saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" sort of applies to holidays in general. We feel a little more free to push boundries and try new things because we're away from our normal surroundings and with people we aren't likely to see again. That adds to it.

    Think of it this way - that experience he had with you inspired him. You both regretted not holding hands, not kissing each other goodbye. And then he met someone else and overcame his fears that he felt with you the first time, and found the courage to make something happen this time. Because the fact of the matter is that you're separated by the Atlantic Ocean, and at 16 you both have a few years before you're going to be a position to move to one country or the other. So he took advantage of another opportunity that presented itself instead of not - and regretting it.

    Whether this guy is good for him or not remains to be seen. That's something he'll have to figure out for himself.

    I wish I had a love story like this from my teen years. I don't. So cherish the good times that you did have, and the remember how excited you were to talk to him, and know that one day you'll find someone else who gives you the same feeling.