Okay, ive been out of the game with drugs for almost two years now but sadly it came back to haunt me so I need someone's help distinguishing this manifestation I've come across in my path of growing up. A year and a half ago, I moved to San Francisco to go to school at the Academy of Arts University. I had been clean for a whole year and left behind the ones who still were stuck on the drugs which were oplates, painkillers. And I was livIng a new me. But about five months ago I decided to take a break from school and go back to DC, which is where I'm from. A week before I left for DC. An old friend named Allen, requested that we see each other and hang out. So when I came home I did just that. We hit it off pretty much. We reconnected and we also went to an oldschool video game store to purchase games for his super nintendo he had just acquired. So we hung out everyday for two weeks and he was getting pretty close to me. Staring at me while I draw, requesting he would sit by me instead of playing a card game across the room with the others, text and and have phone conversations before bed in the night which were seriously cute. But after the first week he knew I was into drugs back then so he asked me to help him pick up some. So I did help him, and he was so grateful. But after a while I couldn't really help him anymore because I wasnt comfortable with it and he knew it wasn't my thing any more. But he still stuck around even though I could never help him with his "needs". So one day I called him to ask him if he liked me after receiving an odd text about some girl he wanted to hang out with. I'm a very upfront and honest person and I don't fear rejection or shame. SO I asked him. I said, "so what's going on? I get these vibes from you like you like me, then you're gonna drop a bombshell like that and say you like some girl? Is there anything between us?" he replied with a no and understood how I felt so I apologized to which he didn't accept because he didn't require one and that it was all okay. We didn't see eachother for weeks until I started using the wifi at his job at a grocery store to get Internet on my laptop. I fancied one of Allen's co workers and made him give that worker a note with my number. After that, he started talking to me more again and really trying to get my attention. He wants to play a computer game with me and even offered straight up to buy me a better laptop. I declined the offer but was VERY flattered!! Then he asked me if he could spend the night for two nights, maybe seven, maybe wen move in and share my room. I am completely fine with that, in fact I am so fine with that. So I decided yes he can do so. later that night we talked on the phone again like old times. He was very messed up off of roxicet that he had gotten earlier but he was so sweet and explained to me he wouldn't be able to make it over tonight and that tomorrow morning he will. So I asked him what he was doing. He replied he as naked in bed watching Seinfeld. I was astonished with his reply so I said "hot..." and he replied witha "you betcha haha" Well yesterday was the day that was supposed to happen and he texted me in the morning asking if I knew where any opiates were and I told him "sadly no I don't" and he hanst replied to any my texts until now a day later. Hasn't answered the phone, hit the FU button once, and just downright ignored me all day. What is going on? I'm guessing he's withdrawing because he hasn't gotten any opiates at all yesterday. And that when he's high he likes me but when he's sober, he's just.. Different:.. What do you guys think? ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2011 at 05:03 AM ---------- I know I shouldn't be with him because of the drugs but I still recreationally do them once in a while and he's a sweet and lovable guy, plus he's hot like ten out of ten, alpha male, muscles, and goregous body hot. Haha I just want him as a fling maybe just a friend with benefits, or idk an open relationship. Nothing serious so I know what I'm in for but I know how to abort without attachment (which is a sad trait) but still I'm a strong guy and honestly I just need someone in the same bed to fall asleep at night sometimes. Ya know? Thanks!
Although, I have no experience with drugs at all, but from what I have read...I conclude that your friend is more of a confused drug addict...but also possibly bi? It also seems like he's using you as a source for drugs...and he might be desperate/extra clingy to get what he needs... That's the vibe I get. But then again, I have absolutely no experience with drugs. So he could be 100% aware of his actions when he's on drugs...
I agree with ThinksTooMuch. I think you are being used for your access to the drugs. There are a lot of hot 10 out of 10 guys out there. You just need to find them. Please stay away from drugs.....they will ruin your life. I have seen it happen to friend.....it's ugly!
Personally, someone with a personality and who treats others kindly is a ten for me, not a hot piece of ass. Just my two cents. ---------- Post added 15th Sep 2011 at 07:48 AM ---------- I'd also like to say, you can try to change the person all you want, but unless the person totally wants to change their life around, they won't change. Most of the time they aren't ready to change their life around even if you let them know you're there for them.
Hi there, and welcome to EC! As an addict myself, I can't imagine how hanging out with this guy (and especially having him move in with you!) is good for your own sobriety. The fact that you say you still use recreationally is a concern. Maybe you haven't yet seen how messed up your life can really get with an addiction. It seems clear to me that this guy isn't right for you. He's got you all worked up and confused - and that's not what a relationship is all about. But then again, you're saying you don't want a relationship. Maybe you're looking to 'use' him - in a different way - just like he seems to be using you. Maybe it will all work out. But he'll be able to walk away from the sex but you might not be able to walk away from the drugs. Whether he's a closet case or not doesn't matter. He might be hot as hell, but what's really in your best interests?
Hi, and welcome to EC. I'm going to echo much of what Jim says and perhaps say a few other things you probably already know and may not want to hear but perhaps need to hear. First, as the old saying goes, "Addicts only lie when their lips are moving." So most likely this guy will say or do anything to get a hookup for drugs. He may or may not have real feelings for you, but he doesn't even know what his real feelings are if he's in the middle of an opiate addiction. Being a recovering addict yourself, I'm sure you already know that. Second, opiate addiction is a common method of escape for people who are gay and unable to accept themselves. It's clear he's giving you mixed messages, and one thing that's certain: He won't be able to really know what he wants until he's been free of opiates for quite a while (6+ months, probably). And given a choice between a partner and drugs, addicts nearly always choose the drugs. (Again, something you likely already know.) Finally, I'm sure you already know that the relapse rate for opiate addiction is phenomenally high. If you've really been clean for almost 2 years (which seems in conflict with "I still use occasionally recreationally"), it's *incredibly* foolish to delude yourself into believing that you can continue to use them "recreationally," because you know that's BS and where it will lead. So for all these reasons, if your focus is on your emotional and physical health, and, as you said, "living a new you", I'd suggest that it's a really terrible idea to hang out anywhere near anyone who's actively using, let alone consider a relationship with, or moving in with, that person. I can understand why you're torn; it's hard to turn down an opportunity where someone seems to genuinely care. But I'd encourage you to think about the hard work you've done in getting clean and establishing a new life and new you. You've already taken the steps, so now all you need to do is to remind yourself why you did that in the first place, and focus on staying on the path of sobriety. You may also want to consider attending NA and finding some people like yourself who are focused on getting healthy and being successful. The truth is, the longer you maintain your sobriety, the healthier you'll get, emotionally and physically, and the more you'll attract healthy people who can help continue to lift you up and help you be successful. An active addict is going to do the complete opposite, and I think if you think about it, you already know what the right answer is. Please keep us up to date with what's going on for you, and feel free to message Jim or I or any of the other advisors if you'd like to talk in a less public setting.
Thanks everyone for the advice and welcoming me! You are all right. I called him today and left him a short message saying I couldnt do this to myself and that I'm just going to have to let him go. Right now I'm pretty okay, but a little depressed here and there. I think I may have really wanted something more with him too. But the drugs are priority to people like him and I myself have seen my peers fall into relationships where they need to be high to love each other. I am personally already afraid of relationships and if I were to get myself into one like that.. I would not know what to do and I myself would most likely start using heavily again. Yeah I know, It's BS and that I shouldnt even be using them recreationally but from today on, I can't govern how tommorow and the next day will play out but my goal is to hopefully just stay clean forever. It's so sad though, many of the friends I have in the gay community in San Francisco were meth users and It scared me away back to DC. I wish drug use never existed. Meth already consumed my last boyfriend and all I want is a normal sane relationship.
Even though everyone above have mainly got it spot on, I just wanted to add a little to that. Have you ever considered that hes gay but completely in denial, being all over you when hes high, then when he realises what hes done when he's in his normal piece of mind. He rejects it being the reason he probably said he likes this girl, then when hes high again, it all comes flowing back to him, and hes all over you again. He definitely sounds confused and the drugs do not help, believe me, been there done that. But I do believe drunken words are sober thoughts. Good Luck - Aiden
Meth is at epidemic levels in San Francisco, so much so that one of the AIDS groups there got special funding for the "Me Not Meth" program, since there's such a strong correlation between meth use and unsafe sex. So in that way, I think you're right that it's just as dangerous to be in SF as far as drug use. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of yourself, and I completely agree that just taking it one day at a time is a tried-and-true way to keep clean. One thing I can definitely tell you is, as you heal more deeply on an emotional level, you'll find yourself putting off a different "vibe" or energy, and, in turn, you'll be able to attract healthier people. I tend to believe that it is really, really important to avoid people who are currently using and even recently clean people while you're still healing, particularly if the temptation for "recreational use" is still there. But it sounds like you're on the right path, and if you can be patient, I am confident that you will be able to find a healthy relationship.
