I went to an queer thing

What is it exactly that scares you about going to a counselling centre? I think your idea of asking a friend to accompany you is a good one, if you know someone you're comfortable with who would be willing to do so.

 

well.... don't know how a counseling center for anxiety and depression could be more scarier than a queer meeting group. speaking for myself, some years ago i was going to different therapists thinking and telling them that i was experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder when i really wasn't and i was just trying to run from my problems such as my possible homosexuality or bisexuality. i was basically telling them that i felt like this, like that, that i had thoughts of hurting people, harming myself or whatever. the therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, basically saw through that. they basically told me that i was fine saying that even if i was experiencing that, it wasn't enough for me to get serious help such as hospitalization. you basically are telling these people what you're experiencing like a doctor would and some of them will examine you well and see that you really don't need help while others will push those pills in your direction. you have to be very careful. if you tell them something very serious, you can end up having that placed on your background check.


but with the queer center. what type of people were there? how did they act? could you tell that they were gay from how they acted?

 

well, the best way i can describe going to a counselor is like going to your doctor when you have a problem that you have with your stomach or you have a cold. you might have to fill in some paper work before you go in there. you'll have to open up a bit to them and tell them what's wrong with you. more than likely, you'll have to go there a couple of more times in order for them to finish assessing you. the most they'll do is either offer you to come back for therapy sessions where you talk to them about whatever, offer you medication, talk to you on things you can do to help yourself, etc. one thing though, be very careful about the medication aspect of it and if they offer you cognitive behavior therapy, do that instead. they might say you need to take meds to help you with that but hey.

but on the gay support group, did you feel nervous?

 

I went through something similar a little while ago. I know now that I have mild social anxiety disorder; however at the time I knew no name for the anxiety and nervousness I felt. I knew that I had to go see a counselor so that I could begin overcoming these problems. But of course, going to see a counselor that I had never met in an office I had never been to threw up a thousand red flags to me! It was terrible just calling the place. I dialed the number about 5 times until I finally went through with the call. I was frantic (to say the least) the day of my appointment. My hands were so sweaty I could barely grip the pen to sign myself in. I could barely say "hello" to the counselor I was so nervous.

But something happened in between the check-in room and his office. I just decided that alright, this person is here to help me. But he can't help me if I won't let him. Do I want the help? Yes. Then I know what I've got to do. Based on those few thoughts, I managed to make myself tell him some of the things that had really been bad for me.

And now here I am, six months later. Sure, I still have some problems with certain social things, but I'm in a far better place than I was before.

Remember, the counselors are there to help you. Bring a friend if you can; it never hurts to have a little extra moral support and it will probably put you more at ease.

 

You seem to be able to explain yourself well here - is it easier for you to write things down than to say them aloud to strangers? If so, maybe you could consider writing down ahead of time everything you would want to tell a counsellor, and then you have something on hand to refer to when you go to see them.

 

You seem like you're taking some big steps in a positive direction. I've just recently attending my first LGBT meeting at my university and I've been doing counseling sessions here for over 2 years now. IMO going to the LGBT club meetings is a lot more intimidating than going to a private counseling session with someone who has gone through extensive schooling on how to deal with these things. And it was the absolute BEST decision I've made since i've been here. My therapist has helped me overcome so much pain. Sometimes you just need someone to help you get the words out and force you to listen to yourself. My therapist has really become like a second maternal figure to me. It's awesome. Best of luck to you.

also when you go in for your first session you typically have to fill out paperwork where you will get to identify the specific things that are upsetting you so that makes it easier to get the convo started and my therapist talked to me on the phone before i went in so i got to hear her voice and talk to her a little about my situation before we met in person.

 

Congrats on going to the group! I bet it would feel nice being around other gay people and not having to edit what you want to say. I had signed up to attend a men's group several years ago, but I chickened out. I blamed it on the group lead not replying to my questions about the group, but that was just an excuse. Good luck going to a counselor. Maybe once you go, you'll wonder why you didn't go sooner and be happy you did it. Take care

 

Hi,

I really feel for what you're dealing with right now, so I'm going to share part of my own story/experiences with anxiety and counselling and hope it can be in some way helpful to you

In grade 10 my Mom forced me to go to my Doctor because it was obvious that my "shyness" was a lot more than just being shy. I would have major panic attacks, fall into seizure convulsions when I was put in a situation that increased my anxiety (such as talking to people I didn't know, having to give a class presentation, even talking on the phone). I would not have gone on my own, but I had no choice, I was under 18 and my Mom forced me to go see my Doctor and talk about it. I will say that it was incredibly traumatic and I cried through the whole thing, they suggested medication (but I don't like taking anything that interferes with chemical balances, so I declined the perscriptions). Anyway I was diagnosed with 2 anxiety disorders, one of which was severe social anxiety. At this time I refused to see a counsellor and just tried to work on things myself. Which I have to say was actually fairly effective (I posted about it somewhere else on here), but basically I find if you picture how you want yourself to act combined with making weekly goals that you force yourself to keep you can make progress. Anyway that's how I dealt with it, however looking back I can say that a counsellor would have helped immensely, now that I know exactly what that entails.

It seems like one of the sources of your anxiety is the unknown nature of therapy. I completely understand this, that is one of my triggers as well. I worked for a therapists office for 2 years (as a receptionist) and I'm now currently seeing a psychiatrist (for PTSD which I have as a result of a traumatic experience a couple years back). I will say that even while I was working for the counselling centre (which had therapists, psychiatrists, and counsellors who saw people for a range of issues, both behavioural and otherwise), I didn't want to see a counsellor myself. The idea petrified me (for a lot of the same reasons you listed, namely that I didn't want to talk to someone one on one about my problems, because I hate attention, and because I didn't know how to articulate my problems anyway)! I have been seeing my psychiatrist for about 10 months now and we're working on reprocessing the event so that I can limit or get rid of flashbacks. And yes I dislike talking about it, sometimes I don't know how to explain things, I spend a lot of it beet red and it's really nerve wracking, BUT it's also been extremely helpful in improving the quality of my life!

Anyway the point of all this (I swear I do have a point haha) is I want to tell you about as much of the actual process of seeing a counsellor/therapist/psychiatrist as I can, so that maybe some of the mystery will be taken out of it for you. Alright so once I finally decided to see a therapist this is how it went:
1) my friend came with me the first time (she is one of 2 ppl I've told about my trauma) I found it helpful because I was very nervous and probably would have talked myself out of it is she wasn't there. The first appointment was just an assessment. I didn't actually see my therapist until the second meeting. During this assessment I was taken to a room and spoke with someone about the nature of my issue and why I wanted to start therapy. He asked some questions, got my demographic information etc.
2) Second meeting -- I went alone and met my therapist. She took me to a room and the first thing she said was "before we start getting into why you're here, let's just get to know each other." So my first appointment just consisted of a normal conversation, where I told her my interests, what I wanted out of therapy, and basically just determined if she was someone I could ever feel comfortable talking with. It's also important to let you know, that the therapist isn't going to force you to start talking about your problems right away, the whole thing is at YOUR pace! That was huge comfort for me.
3) the other meetings consist of a combination of me sharing what's bothering me, reprocessing, and coming up with tactics to deal with my flashbacks and the anxiety and hyper vigilance that comes with it.

In terms of how you make appointments. The first time I just walked in and tole the receptionist that I was interested in seeing a counsillor. I can tell you that this is very common. When I worked for the counselling centre I had the same thing happen to me. Now it does depend on the place. I see that you're also Canadian, so that's helpful in explaining this Generally if the counselling center is run through the government (read ON health services in your case) then you will need a referral from your doctor before they will see you. However if it's just a regular counselling centre (or through your campus) then you don't need a doctor's referral. Alright so the first time you walk in just let the receptionest know you want to see a counsellor. She will most likely give you some forms that you have to fill out (usually just some basic demographic stuff and the nature of why you need to see someone (like anxiety, trauma, grief etc). Once this is filled out she'll either give you a time to come back, or if they aren't busy she'll have you do the assessment right away. After the assessment they will either contact you later with a date for your first official appointment or let you know right away when your next appointment will be. They will usually write this down for you. Then when you come back for your first official appointment (and all appointments there after) you will check in with the receptionist (I always say, I'm Jenna, here for my 11:00 with Nicole), and then you take a seat in the waiting room until your counsellor comes out and gets you. It's very much like any other waiting room, there are magazines etc. And I think I've already said what the actual appointment itself is like.

I'm sorry this was so long and very poorly organized. I hope that you can gleam some piece of useful information out of it! If you have any more questions just post on this thread again and I can try and answer them

Congrats on going to the LGBT meeting, that takes courage! I haven't worked myself up to that yet :S

Jenn

 

You seem to have very similar anxiety issues as I do (did?). I used to be the exact same way. I wouldn't talk about anything with anyone because 1) I didn't want to and 2) It scared me and made me incredibly anxious to do so. Hence why my Mom had to literally drag me to the Doctors! If you feel you would be more comfortable having the therapist kind of up the pace of counselling that's an option as well. Perhaps you could go into your first appointment with a letter (I've done this with my therapist). Some of my problems I literally can't bring myself to talk about because I find it embarrassing, or my my anxiety prevents me from being able to speak (I'm sure you know this feeling, where the blood rushes to your face, your palms sweat, and your mind and heart start racing, making basic speech actually physically difficult or even impossible). Coming prepared with the letter, I still had these incredibly anxious reactions, but since it was already written down, all I had to do was hand her the letter, and she usually asks guiding questions (which I do often answer with just one word, or a nod). It can be horribly uncomfortable, but if you have a good therapist who knows what he/she is doing then they can help guide you through it. How long it takes just depends on the person and it isn't a judgment if it takes longer or shorter. For example with PTSD I guess most people start making progress after 15 sessions, but some take way longer and the rare lucky person needs only a couple sessions to work through it (i'm not a lucky one haha, I've had 22 sessions so far).

I remember the feeling of not being able to talk to people who you don't know. I think a lot of people don't realize that it's more than just being shy or not wanting to engage with people and that it is literally physically difficult to bring yourself to even think about having a conversation with someone, never mind actually doing it. Unfortunately this is just a cross we, with anxiety disorders, have to bear :S I remeber I used to write scripts for phone calls I had to make (when someone in my family would force me to use the phone). I would write down what I needed to say and then just read it off the page (I did the same thing for class presentations, if the teacher wouldn't just let me take a zero). Honestly University helped a lot with that, because taking a zero wasn't an option anymore, if I didn't pass, I'd fail and failing sucks haha! But that's a digression. I can tell you with work and commitment it does actually get easier. I still get incredibily anxious when I have to meet new ppl, have a job interview etc, but what I do is visualize how I want the meeting to go, visualize as many of the possible pitfalls as I can imagine and then come up with solutions to the obstacles. Its hard, but with every new conversation I get better and better. Obviously sometimes are more anxiety inducing than others, and there are still a lot of times where I'll chose not to deal at all (if not dealing is an option).

If you're struggling with maintaining motivation to seek out the counsellor, I would suggest making goals for yourself. Tell yourself no matter what that tomorrow you are going to walk (drive) by the centre. Then the next day tell yourself you will go up to the door. Then the next day tell yourself you will walk in and maybe just look around and make eye contact with the receptionist (they are completely understanding and non judgmental if you just walk in and then out without saying anything). Then the next day tell yourself you're going to talk to the receptionist. Its hard and terrifying, but if you give yourself little rewards it helps.

Also since our anxiety problems are so similar, maybe the way I deal with the depression cycles might help you When I'm depressed I find the best thing to do is go to Starbuck or Second Cup and get a specialty latte and people watch or study or read for a bit. Sometimes I'll even write while I'm there. It gives me the sense of being "with" people, without any of the pressure of needing to talk to them. Also sometimes I'll get a book and ride the train or the bus and just read and watch people. However I also know that going to a coffee shop isn't always so easy when your in the middle of a major anxiety cycle, however forcing yourself to do it just helps on its own I find.

This has been rambly and nonsensical, but what I'm trying to say is: being scared is normal, it doesn't make you weird or weak, but (as you're aware) it kinda sucks! It makes the little things so much more difficult. As hard as it is you have to face the fears, and the best way to do this is to be as mentally prepared as you can be, and just try to separate the anxiety from the rest of your mind (this takes time and practice) but it can be done, I promise!