Hi guys, I'm looking for a little advice. I came out almost a year ago, rather late (I'm 34 now). I own a retail business with a staff of 12, and I'm the head boss to all. Some of my staff know I'm gay, others do not. It hasn't been important to me to share it with everyone, only those whom I trust will not dramatize it. Anyway, part of my acceptance with being gay started because of (growing) feelings for one of my employees. I found (and continue to find) him very attractive and sweet. He's 23 and, as far as I can determine, is straight. I work with him every day, which has made this crush so difficult. Because I operate a store, and we're both there every day, I can't avoid him. And because of that, I can't help but think about him. When he wants to talk about his own problems and is looking for advice, I'm so ready to give it. Knowing this, he readily seeks me out. I want to give advice and be helpful because, well, I really like him. Our working relationship is good. He knows I'm gay but it doesn't seem to impact how he sees me. At work, I don't bring my sexuality into my job any more than, say, that I like baseball. But my feelings for him drive me to distraction outside of work. Even though I am in a relationship, and am happy in it, I think about this employee a bit too much. I play through scenarios in my head that involve the two of us. I've finally recognized the toll it's taken on my mental health, and the effect it has on me with respect to my current, happy relationship. This past week, being tired from all of this, I've tried distancing myself from the crush. I avoided small talk, avoided too much eye contact, and focused on making sure he was fulfilling his duties. He didn't seem to react much. He probably just assumes I'm a bit stressed over business matters. But for me, I felt awful. It feels like I'm going out of my way to pretend to hate someone I don't. Here's what I'm asking: Has anyone here been in a similar position, and if you were, how did you handle it? Part of me wants to tell him how I feel with the specific goal of ending these feelings, and the other part of me asks "Are you nuts?! That's an abuse of power and will embarrass both of you!" I know I don't have to tell him. But I have to tell someone because I can't seem to rid myself of my constant feelings for him. And so I'm just looking for a bit of advice. Thanks for reading!
interesting topic. kind of reminds me of this little situation that i was in. apparently, i was the straight guy in which i really wasn't and i think he was the gay guy, not sure but from what i could tell, he more than likely was. i think he had a crush on me but being that he was in this position and i was in another position as well as who i was. i don't think he could do what i think he wanted to do even though he was sending me signs that suggested that he liked me and wanted to be with me. it's one of those regrets i have because if he asked me out on a date when he dealt with me, i would gladly hook up with him because i had a crush on him. i don't know... he probably would have rejected me or had somebody or just wanted to have sex with me or whatever. i don't know but i really liked him and still do. he's one of the reasons why i'm here because i know i can't be straight if i have strong feelings for another guy amongst other things.
First of all you said that you are in a happy relationship. Are you ready to give that up for your crush? If not then this is a non starter. If so, maybe you could just start a conservation one day and ask him how he feels about gay guys and let the conservation roll from there and see what transpires. If you were to flat ask him out or tell him of your feelings and it turns out he is not interested then it could turn into an uncomfortable work environment. That might not be good. Another thought, is there an employee that you would feel comfortable asking if they know if your crush might be interested in guys or not? If he is not then I think it would be best to leave it alone and just enjoy having a good employee. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
I've been in situations where I wanted to be with guys at work in their 20s. The guys were good looking and nice and I think the age difference made them more attractive in that I'd feel like I was able to relive my lost younger years if I was able to be with him. Maybe I'd find that I was trying to live vicariously through him or maybe we'd really hit it off. People with a 10 year age difference are usually at different maturity levels, yet for guys coming out late, I think we're at that younger maturity level in some ways. You should be careful with the boss/employee issue as well as the relationship with your bf. I hope you don't jeopardize either one of them for someone who might not be gay or interested in dating you. I guess sometimes as adults we have to restrain ourselves and do what's best in the long run and respect others' feelings. Maybe you didn't get enough time to explore other guys before you got into your relationship. If I ever get around to coming out, I'd like to play around for a while before settling down, but I could see myself jumping into a ltr since I might feel I should hold onto whoever I can get since I am getting older. I don't know if that's your situation, but if it is, maybe you could take a break with your bf and explore other guys and that might satisfy the desire you could be placing on this employee. Take care
