1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Urmmm...urh confused again =/

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ty, Nov 30, 2007.

  1. Ty

    Ty Guest

    Already spoke to people in the chatroom about it but i thought id make a nice 'lil topic...

    Urmmm well i'm not sure if im attracted to this girl on not shes like really really nice and well you know it all - ive never met someone who can make me laugh like her - its never silence or anything. Im not sure if im attracted to her or if is just her amazing personality.... =[ straight people don't know how lucky they are....
     
  2. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    how long have you known this girl? also, can you imagine yourself in a relationship with her? ALL parts of a relationship?
     
  3. Ty

    Ty Guest

    Known her for like 3 years... shes my best (girl) friend... urm well urh i guess i could but i don't really sexualize her =/ =[
     
  4. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    if you don't think you could have a complete relationship with her it could just mean that you're really close. that you love her as a person, but not as a partner. you can have a really close bond and not have to date her or anything.
     
  5. Ty

    Ty Guest

    i dont know what i am anymore =[ surely its not all about sex?
     
  6. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island

    wait, r u sexually attracted to her?

    and don't try and define yourself if it's hard. you're you and you like different people. that's it.
     
  7. Ty

    Ty Guest

    she is pretty... and sex isn't the most important thing... urhhh i'm finding it hard to describe how im feeling....
     
  8. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    ok, i was almost just caught by my dad, who made me jump and shut the page and hav him go "what were you doing that you had to shut the page" and i was lik "christmas shopping....for you.....yea..."

    anyway, i had a post, but i'm gonna retype it.

    could you imagine having sex with her? you can appreciate and like they way she looks w/o it being sexual. if you don't know right now, wait until the next time you see her and then ask yourself if you would want to have sex with her, and sleep with her at night, talk to her (which i bet you do if you're best friends ) and anything else you think a relationship means.
     
  9. Ty

    Ty Guest

    well thinking about having sex with her....i honestly can't imagine it but like.... its weird to even think of having sex with her ... uh maybe i am mildly infatuated?
     
  10. biisme

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    if it's weird to think about, then i would just say that you're really good friends. actually, maybe you're more than that. you guys are just probably really close. you can love her strongly and not have to question your sexuality. i love a lot of people that i would never want to be with.

    just think of it as having a special bond with her.
     
  11. CrimsonThunder

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,467
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Australian!
    If you feel sick about having sex with her you aren't attracted to her physically, just emotionally. You could be bf/gf if she doesn't want sex, but if she does it would get very weird.
     
  12. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Does she know how you feel? You say she's been a close friend for about three years. What would happen if you told her you were confused about your sexuality?
     
  13. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    OK, this is me and my new age blabber again, but I really believe there are people that come into our lives for a reason. They are soulmates. This girl friend of yours sounds very much like a soulmate. She may be in your life to teach your something about yourself or you may be in hers to teach her something about herself. Whatever it is, you definitely have a very strong connection with her and you should never turn your back on that kind of relationship because they don't come along very often. I would take Paul's suggestion and open up to her. You two may be lifelong friends and these kinds of friends don't come around very often! Embrace what you love about her and cherish it!
     
  14. SpikySpice

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Jax, FL
    I have read a quote said, teh real key to regconize your orientation is teh romance. If you -Ty- are able to fall in love with a man rather than enjoy sexual contacts with a man, you are gay, smae thing to woman, you are straight. But I dont if it's true. Sometimes we fall in love with a person because of their inner person, their personalities too instead of their outside appearance/ As you siad sex isnt important thing, then your loving her inner person

    Or you could be attracted both to her and gusy, can be bisexual, oen of teh most confusing thing is being bisexual, peopel normally try to indentify themselves as gay or straight instead of believing they are in the middle. But dont label yourself, to find the truth, you have to let things flow, trough the time, and things you do, you'll find out. May sound hard, I agree, it's a long proccess, you may think it's a phase, but it maybe a lifetime

    It's been three years, you and her are getting closer. You may wont want to involve in any sexual acts with her, you can be her bestest friend. Just liek me and one girl. She can be your spiritual friend, are you planning to tell her who you are?
     
  15. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    i think it depends what you think relationships are about. personally, i think romantic relationships have to include a sexual asepct, otherwise they're just very close friends. but that may not be your attitude. i think that the physical and emotional aspects are all bound up incredibly tightly, so it's extremely hard to differentiate. personally, it sounds like you have an awesome friend, maybe one who you want to be physically close to (as in hugging, stroking), and to have an emotional bond and share things. but without the sexual aspect, it doesn't sound like a gf-situation. but, that's just me, some people, as i say, would have a totally different view, and say that you could be bi. in the end, it's your choice. even if you become her bf, you could still call yourself gay, in my book. so just go with what feels right to both of you. :slight_smile:
     
  16. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I am just as totally confused as you so I'm afraid that I'm going to be of absolutely no help... but I have found that my attraction towards men is qualitively different than that I feel towards women - I was wondering if this was the same with you? And if you could, on this basis, work out which, or both, is the sexual/relationship attraction (if this makes sense)? This is what I'm trying to do with myself at the moment (having previously taken the male-attraction as the "real" one, because hey, it's easier being straight), but the physical/emotional/sexual/general infatuation just seem all too tied up together as Arneneithel says..
     
  17. Bryan90

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2006
    Messages:
    540
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    I once had an experience similar to yours. It was a rather strong infatuation. I enjoyed her company, loved talking to her and all.. That was two years ago, and now she's now my best friend. We've discussed about this, and we both agreed that one can love someone without getting into a relationship and all. She did mention though that it would be very unfair to the female counterpart if she were to get involved in a relationship with a gay man. Fair enough if you don't really look for sex in a relationship, but what about her? Is it fair that she has to abstain from sex?

    Well, in my opinion, friends play a very important role in our lives, sometimes even a more important one as compared to your lover. There's nothing wrong with really really really loving a friend I guess..
    An actual quote from my friend in a recent email: "and me and you, will NEVER go for the same guy. even if he's straight or anything. no thanks i'd like to avoid drama and friends are more important"