About a month ago, I met a guy, we went for a drive one day and talked for hours, he is gay but none of his family nor friends know, and myself I am the same, although I have come out to a few VERY close trusted friends. At first it all went well, we would text each other a lot, and he would call and I would call, and it just seemed so good! He would come over and visit me, and I would meet up with him, go have breakfast etc. We said to each other that we would always be honest with each other and that we would tell each other if something is wrong or we did not like! He also told me that 7 weeks before we met, that he had split up with his girlfriend, because of this, she does not know why they broke up! Well then she came back from her holidays back home, and told him that she was pregnant, and that he is the father! He told me she wanted to get back together, but that he would not get back with her as its not fair to her neither to him, but he will always be a father to the child and be there for his child, and that I must not worry about that!! So we went on... Then all of a sudden 3 weeks into the realtionship, one day I tried calling him and no answer at all, and the phone later that day I tried calling was switched off, and this was for 3 days! Then he called me, told me that he is hospitalised, he has a seizure at home, he was alone, and then when he came by he caled amblunace! I was relieved he was ok, cause at first I thought it was stange, that he went quiet all of a sudden! I askd if I could come see him the next day in the morning and he said yeah come in the morning, so when I got there they would not let me in, no visiting hours in the morning! He was discharged from hospital the next day that I could go see him, cause its difficult with work just to go anytime, and also we had to be careful if family and friends!!! After that he went hom and he called and we chatted and texted, but his sister (they live together) is sometimes around so then we have o end conversations etc etc, the doctor also told him, he is not allowed to be at home alone for a week, so the ex-girlfriend was there during the day to help, so we could also not talk a lot! By now to date I have not seen him for 2 weeks, we talk on the phone now and again, sometimes he returns calls sometimes does not, he sends me txt msgs and tells me how much he misses me and that we must see each other soon, but as he cant drive at the moment it makes if more difficult! I am starting to feel a bit hurt, cause its feeling as if I have been put in the back of the shelve and that i am not really a priority anymore?! I wven went into town the other day, and told him I was going in, and he said we must meet up, but then something on his side cam up and he could not make it!! This has happened twice! But he always lets me know he cant make it! Is this a relationship that I should keep on with?! I am so confused, I like this guy so so so much and really miss him, and I come to think he does aswell, but I feel like I am starting to hurt, as things are a bit different now, and what we spoke abou and said to eachother just seems not important to him anymore. Must I stop chasing him, and let him do the chasing, and if he really wants to be with me, he will get back to me?! Please help!!!!!
Hey, It sounds to me that this guy your with is bi, if not gay and just confused being the reason hes got a girl pregnant. I once went out with a girl with a baby, it made things a lot more complicated. Although I never really saw a future in it, so maybe if you see a future with this guy, him being a father probably doesnt really bother you. First off I'd like to say, if he told you private things in his car, its more than likely he meant it. He obviously trusts you enough to let you know. Hes probably scared that his friends/family will find out which might explain your ignored phone calls/texts. The fact he was in hospital has also complicated, have you considered that this is in your head, because its difficult for him to get to see you in private because he can't drive. Just give it a few days, see if he texts you he will probably suprise you dude!!! Let me know how it goes!! =D
Hey thanks for your reply! Yeah I have considered it that it sdufficult for him< and I know he has a lot on his plate! I think its sometimes easier for me, cause I live alone, have no family here, and he does! So do you think I should continue, maybe sending a txt a day saying hi etc? or just leave it till he gets back to me? i know he likes me and he sends me txt saying that! But then maybe I am paranoid and shoudl just relax till he gets back to me, what do you reckon? thanks again!:icon_wink
If I was in your shoes I would probably just back off. If he wants the relationship to live then he'll make the effort, and if not then you have your answer either way. I think you're asking for trouble by getting involved with him anyway because of his ex-girlfriend, it's so soon after a break-up...
I think you should maybe text him tomorrow, and if he doesnt reply, just back off for a while, don't be doing it every day because he might then take you for granted. Been there done that. Maybe he needs time to figuire things out himself. The fact you live on your own its probably your mind playing tricks on you too. I mean when spending a lot of time alone, your mind does wonder. So just take it easy, if its meant to be it'll happen. I think the guy from what you've told me is confused. If he likes you like he says he does, he'll come to you believe me. :icon_bigg Take it easy dude, and chill out. - Aiden
Try not to over think it, leave ur phone alone, dont check it all the time, waiting, hoping, that kind of thing gets us really pissed off and drives us a little mad. Why don't you just try turning your phone off for a while, check it every once in a while. Just please don't toture yourself dude.
I think he has a perfectly reasonable excuse, really. Trying to juggle dating with not being out is already hard (for starters: you can't get out from under other commitments as you can't even admit you're dating someone), and next to impossible if you're revalidating from an accident and have family around all the time. So the fact that he takes the effort to still communicate occasionally and let you know he can't make it to planned meetings is a good sign, really. Even if not seeing each other is taking its toll, he seems to be trying. Ideally, I think you should try to agree on a fixed moment every day or every other day where you get to talk when he's least likely to be disturbed by nosy family or ex. And an excuse he can reasonably use to make it to a meetup while keeping his closeted cover. Where spontaneity might not be feasible, planning might yet win the day!
I completely agree with Filip. I think you're worrying over nothing. He has a few excuse and it sounds like he regularly tells you that he likes you and would like to see you. But because of the accident he's not able to see you right now. You just need some patience. And maybe you could go and see him?
Thank You for all the great replies, it all has helped! Going back to the last 2 posts; I have been the one that has gone into the City the past 3 times to see him, when he has cancelled, or let me know something has come up! So I have txtd and said that he must txt me when he is free again, I know he has had a lot on his plate! I haven't tried phoning or txting again, as I know if he really feels that's strong about me as he has said, that he will get back to me in due time! I also cannot go and see him at his house because of the family! So that makes it more difficult aswell! We just have to ride it out till we speak and see each other again! I feel much better today, and not going to worry no more, he knows he can call whenever he likes and we said from the beginning we are honest with each other, and if something is wrong or what so ever he can tell me, I am a understanding person! Is that a better approach to this? Thanks all for the replies!
You do sound as thought you are relaxing a little more now. Relationships are made they don't just happen. Sometimes it is difficult, sometimes they just flow, unimpeded. It sounds as if it has been a difficult time for your bf. He does have a lot to figure out. It will always be difficult for him until he comes out, so be patient. If you push to hard, he may push back and you might not like the results. Good luck! I'm wishing you the best.
I have calmed down a lot, and had a long think about it, so I decided, I won't phone or txt again, don't want to push! Let's see what happens! Miss him a lot though! But as said there must be a perfectly reasonable excuse! Thanks for all the help!
