Hello everyone, I came out to my family in July and some friends soon afterwards. I have this friend, she's very supportive and even helped me to get close to a crush I have (Who turned out to be straight... Dammit) So anyway, I haven't known a gay boy, like in real life, I know some boys are gay but I don't want to approach them awkwardly and say "hi I'm gay and so are you, lets chat abou it" I won't say I don't want to date someone but I think right now I just want to know someone who is living what I'm living, someone I can chat about... gay stuff. (Is it odd I want to know someone who's also gay?) (The fact I don't look what-society-expects-gay-boys-to-be at all doesn't help much either) So anyway, this very supportive friend told me she knows a friend of her who's also gay and she had never imagined he was (Like me, she claims) and she offered to contact him on my behalf and ask him to hang out with me and talk. (He has a boyfriend by the way and no, I don't expect this to be a date, I just want to start interacting with gay people like me) The problem is: How can my friend ask that boy to chat with me without it being awkward or pathetic (lol)? How do I handle this first gay encounter? What should I say? Should I worry my out status to spread imminently? It's just that... It is a big step to take... After I chat with him... Will I feel relieved? Worried? I feel this is a big deal because it will be the first time I act upon being gay, and not only SAY I am gay... (Obviusly my first kiss and/or boyfriend will be much of a bigger deal but you get the point...) I'd really appreciate your thoughts... Thanks!
First off, don't treat it like a "gay encounter" just talk to him like you would to a straight friend. You don't even have to bring up your sexuality, just say hi and talk about something that interests you. Don't tell more people than you are comfortable with. Just take your time and don't feel rushed. If you need a friend or just somebody to chat with I'm on every day (a bit too often tbh), and don't forget about the entire EC community. If you feel that you aren't comfortable with some things there is always the anonymous forum. We're all here to talk to if you have any questions (*hug*)
Hey dude, I'd just like to say, you really made me laugh, not that I was laughing at your situation, it was because you said 'A gay boy in real life'. So yeah thanks for making me smile. Now for the advice, lets move on! haha First off, its not weird at all you want to talk to someone going through the same thing as you, its kind of comes natural when you feel comfortable with yourself I suppose. You have to think, why would it be sad and pathetic? Hes gay too remember so he probably knows exactly what your going through. It doesnt have to be a gay encounter, think of it as two friends that have a lot in common just hanging out and talking about things. Talk to him about the things that are on your mind, just normal converstation will help you get comfortable. If you don't want anyone knowing about it, I'm sure he will keep it on the down low. Yes you will feel relieved, I went to talk to someone the other day that helped me a lot. You have already taken a big step, keep going, your get there. Why dont you join an LGBT group, that would help you interact with more gay people and make you feel a hell of a lot better. Good Luck -Aiden :icon_wink
Hey man, I just read your post about wanting to talk to another gay boy "in real life" haha. I know exactly what you mean. I'm also pretty straight-acting and am just in the process of coming out and so far everyone has been shocked. Nobody knew! Incredible. I always assumed people were at least questioning but nobody so far! Anyways, I can relate a lot to where you are coming from. I'm 23, have told a few friends and just Friday night told my parents. 2 of my siblings also know and plan on telling my final sibling tonight! But anyways, if you have the opportunity to meet with this guy I think it would be really helpful for you. I've only had the chance to talk about the coming out experience (mostly) with people online. In person would carry a much deeper impact I'd think. In any case, it wouldn't hurt right? And I don't think you'd be more worried afterwards. I think you'd be very happy you mustered the courage to do it in the first place. :icon_wink If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message. I come on here usually a few times a week and have been coming on a lot more lately since starting to come out! But, we sound like we're in a similar boat! And if I were you I'd go for it! Nothing to lose right?
Finding EC was a good step. There are lots of people to talk to here. But I totally undrestand your desire to talk to someone in real life. I felt the same way. I actually put an ad up on an online classifieds site looking for someone to just talk to who was in a similar situation - and that worked! But you don't even need to do that, because you've got a friend with a friend. That's awesome. I don't think it's pathetic at all for your friend to ask on your behalf. They'd be introducing you to someone - that's what friends do all the time! And I this gay friend will totally understand why you want to talk to him, because he's been there himself. It's like cancer survivors going to support groups to talk to other cancer survivors - only better! Have you looked into going to a local PFLAG meeting? Or joining your school's GSA? Other places where you'd be able to meet other gay guys.
first piece of advice is slow down and stop overthinking. second, who cares what society expects a gay boy to be like. Society expects you to like girls. Failing that you should be acceptably straight acting, if for some terrible reason you don't act straight enough you are expected to make a show of shame and remorse for your sinful life. Failing that you will need to be super gay. Nathan Lane Gay. You will have to be super fashionable and say Guuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllll a lot. You will plan peoples weddings and be best friends with girls but never really kiss a man in public. You should calmly accept second class citizenship and meekly understand that you have chosen this lifestyle. Yeah, I don't think that is gonna fly. So what kind of real life gay boy do you want to be? How do you want to connect? How do you want to act. Not all gay men are "swishy". Some are pretty Butch. so how does your friend get you to meet your other friend? What else do you have in common? So your friend can say "hey X I know this guy, Y, and he is pretty cool. I think you guys would hit it off" Then arrange contact method. Exchange facebook names or have her arrange a time where you can meet. Maybe dinner with you and her and boy and partner. Then stop basing everything on your shared orientation. relax. You will figure it out.
