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So I've been thinking that I might be transexual....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by apocalypseHow, Sep 18, 2011.

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  1. apocalypseHow

    apocalypseHow Guest

    Quite a few months ago, I put up a post saying that I was questioning my sexuality, and since then I have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual, but in recent times I have also begun questioning...other things.

    For a long time, I have thought that most things about looking and feeling masculine as being gross, and something that I would never want to be. I can remember back to VERY early childhood and seeing bodyhair in places I was disgusted to see. Even on legs. Big, muscular arms with veins popping out everywhere seemed like a nightmare to me. Also, having a straight up and down figure with no curve at all. I don't want to look like what people would call, "A man". It repulses me to think about that kind of stuff happening to ME. Now, at age fifteen (almost sixteen), this kind of thing is actually starting while I see beautiful girls at my high-school develop the most angelic looks, and I envy them more than you can imagine. It's not that I don't like guys, It's just that I can't stand the thought of looking "masculine".

    Outside of bodily appearance, and I'll try to be vague for your sake, the male role in sex just doesn't seem...right - for someone who thinks the way I do. I can't really picture myself doing THAT to someone.

    I would love to feel pretty and womanly, and be able to live a gender role that actually suits me, both in and outside the bedroom.

    What do the rest of you think? Could I have a gender issue? It just gets a little confusing when you read all of this complex psychobabble terminology on the web in other places.
     
    #1 apocalypseHow, Sep 18, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2011
  2. Zontar

    Zontar
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    Sure you don't just want to look like a "twink" instead? =p Hear me out here for a second.

    I'm roughly the same as you are. I've been encouraged to "bulk up" (build muscle) and discouraged from shaving/waxing my body hair whenever I ask someone's opinion on how to be more attractive. But frankly, neither of those things make me feel attractive as much as being rail thin, a light build, and having all that gross-ass hair removed. I just shaved my legs last night (as I do routinely) and it is quite a confidence boost when I see some feature of me as potentially "sexy." I don't want to be big and hairy because that's just not how I feel "sexy." (Although it's not to say I don't find it sexy on the other guy...:grin:)

    Also, you don't like the "male" role in bed? So you mean to say you're a bottom? There's nothing wrong with that, I like taking it more than giving it too. =p

    All that, and I don't want tits or a snatch. Ultimately, there's a difference between wanting to be sexier based on what you perceive as sexy...and being tortured because your body is completely off-kilter. Trust me, I hate a lot of other things about my body, but being a chick wouldn't make them any better. =p
     
    #2 Zontar, Sep 18, 2011
  3. apocalypseHow

    apocalypseHow Guest

    Well, it's not really just about looking like a guy that is really effeminate, it's about actually BEING feminine naturally. That's what I need. There's a girl at my school who is pale and very blonde, angel-faced girl with a slender build that I really admire. I see that kind of thing, then I get home and get naked in front of the mirror before I shower, and I just feel awful knowing that I'm pretty much stuck this way without any sort of hormonal medication.

    Tits and a snatch? Given the opportunity, I'd love to have female genitalia. Without getting into it, I hate just about every masculine aspect of my appearance, and yes, I DO mean every single one.

    I don't want to be a feminine man, I actually want to be a woman. My issue here is that I don't know if this constitutes as being transexual/transgender which would mean that I could possibly consider hormone therapy later in life. I took that COGIATI test thing, and it said that I could possibly have some gender related issue, so I'm asking people what they think, as I do not always trust tests like this.
     
    #3 apocalypseHow, Sep 18, 2011
  4. pinkclare

    pinkclare
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    This (wanting to live as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth) is the one and only qualification for being transgender! From what you've posted here, I would say that you definitely sound like you are somewhere on the trans spectrum and looking into your options will help a lot.

    Finding a supportive counselor will help you sort through any confusion and get you on the track towards living the life you want - whether or not that includes hormonal transition. I'm not sure where you live, but there's this great organization here in Portland called TransActive that works with trans/gender non-conforming children and youth. If you want to talk to someone and/or get resources specific to your age group, they are a great place to start (even if you're far away, they can help via email and phone!). Here's their website:

    TransActive - Preparing the World for Children of Every Gender
     
    #4 pinkclare, Sep 18, 2011
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