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College Mentality Disease

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ichi42go, Sep 18, 2011.

  1. Ichi42go

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    Alright, here is a common one. I am two weeks into college and have adjusted extremely well to dorm life, except one detail: a specific person on my floor has fallen victim to a terrible disease known as HJID (Homophobic Jock Insensitivity Disorder).

    For those who have not encountered this disease in med-school, the systems consist of, but are not limited to:

    Constant gay bashing
    Continuous use of the words Homo, and F*****
    A brain synapse that results in the word "bad" being replaced by "gay"
    Continuously mocking stereotypes
    Finding derogatory jokes overly amusing

    Now, the problem with this disease, I am learning, is that is is contagious through the mouth, as those he talks to are already beginning to develop similar symptoms.

    The difficulty is, I fear an epidemic. I am nearly completely closeted here, and I am constantly fighting the urge to call him out on it, because I really would rather have people here know me before they know ABOUT me. The deal is, however, I want to feel safe here coming out eventually, but if this keeps up, I'm afraid I never will.

    Do I say something?
    Do I be passive aggressive?
    I have tried to ignore it, but it really isn't working.

    Just, PLEASE, somebody remind me that there are people out there who know how to behave like humans... None of my friends are keeping in contact with me, and I feel like I have little support right now and fear I am falling into a major slump.

    OKAY THANK YOU GOODBYE!
     
  2. Undecided John

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    Ok, first: KEEP CALM! =D In my first two weeks on college I would get lost every time I left the classroom to go to the bathroom, so I am pretty sure you will find supportive friends somewhere.
    Second, well, you don't have to come out to criticize homophobic comments. Heterosexual people also do that. Don't do that when he is joking, tough, do it on a more serious moment, when he do some offensive comment about gay people. If he says something not joking, and you stand up to it, it's more possible that other people "not infected" will join you against him.
    And last, but not least, I remember being freaked out my first two weeks of college (and I wasn't even considering about being gay, or bi, or whatever), so (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)
    :icon_bigg
     
  3. wellhidden

    wellhidden Guest

    Well there was a serious case in my school and well he had already guessed i was gay, and was very much bullied about it. Even though I hid in the closet at the time. My class were "infected" and i was left stranded alone, but i fought back not with fists but i "probed him" and found out that his family were the source of his troubles and it was as if i winded him and showed him that gays were people with values and standards. (they still don't know for absolute certainty)
    The sad thing is that i killed the source but the infected still lives and infect.
    So I suggest to gather an army of the non-infected just for your safety and respected teachers are a big safeguard when protecting yourself and don't tackle him by yourself. Guerrilla warfare is the best method against a large army. But remember your safety comes first.
     
  4. Marlowe

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    First of all, college is pretty big freakin’ transition… especially socially. For the first time in a while most people have to make friends all over again, and you also have changing dynamics with your friends from high school, some you grow closer to, some you grow apart from, but rarely does it stay the same.

    I say this for two reasons. First don’t think that you don’t have allies out there to confront him. Some of the students that emulate him may just be trying to fit in a new place. If he is the dominant personality on the floor, being mister big time jocko, this is one way to get some good yichus, (Yiddish for social capital, not sure what a better word would be). I might suggest if you feel the need for a cover story for now, say that your best friend from home is gay or your cousin or whatever. Hopefully this will give courage to others who were too afraid or apathetic to say something.

    Secondly, if you are feeling distant from your friends, make sure to reach out to them. Because you no longer see them every day, you can’t just expect them to be there for you. You have to make an effort. It takes a while to normalize a long distance friendship, and pick up new patterns of interaction. So rather than worrying that they are falling away take charge of the relationship and reforge it anew.

    I hope that you find that after a while your life settles down. Try emailing the LGBT group on your campus for advice or support. This is way of maintaining relative anonymity, while finding some more support especially from those that are familiar with your campus.

    Finally, remember that we are here for you in this challenging time. Keep us updated and let us know what you need.
     
  5. Katelynn

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    Is there some kind of resident assistant or don for your dorm, someone who is a student but handles issues inside the dorm? I know I had an RA in university that was totally not cool with that kind of talk, so he'd shut it down pretty quick. He was straight, but he also understood that it was unacceptable behaviour. Maybe you can talk to someone like that & just make them aware of all the homophobic language. You don't necessarily have to come out to that person (unless you've gotten to know them & trust them), but you can say that regardless of anything, this kind of talk is making people uncomfortable & see if they can handle the problem. It's also been my experience that sometimes the loudest, homophobic jerks are also the ones who are trying to hide something from everyone else. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a jock who was gay decided this was the way to hide it from everyone, even themselves, rather than just keep their mouths shut & blend in silently. Other people like that do it to get attention so they can be popular & feel that if they can tap into something they think everyone will follow them on, then they'll be the centre of everyone's attention. If you can't get anyone to do something about it, then do the best you can to ignore the homophobic idiots. It's the small ass****s in life that try to bring the rest of us down to make themselves feel better about who they are, usually with little or no success in making themselves feel better...