I've been seriously questioning my sexuality for about two years. At first, I denied it, then I admitted I was bisexual, and now I think I'm gay. That said, I'm living a "straight" life. Only a few people know I'm questioning and I have a very serious boyfriend (he knows I'm bi/questioning), so everyone else assumes I'm straight. I'm attracted to women and I'm only interested in dating women. I still notice men who are attractive, but I have no interest in being with them, except for my boyfriend. I feel stuck because I love my boyfriend and want to be with him, but part of me knows deep down that it's not right. If I'm bi, I should be able to be happy with him. If I'm gay (which is what it feels like), then I want to break up with him, move on, and come out of the closet. But, how can I know for sure when I'm in a relationship with a man (and not interested in cheating)? If I'm not gay, I don't want to lose him. What do you guys think? How sure were you when you came out? [Warning: potential TMI risk] We still sleep together, and there are parts of it that really turn me on. In general, though, it takes great concentration for me to enjoy it physically. Also, I've never felt that emotional connection through sex that I sometimes hear about. I'm always deep in my mind, concentrating, and I don't feel connected to him at all. Do you think that's indicative of my being with the wrong gender? Thanks guys. Daisy
^ This is how I feel with (straight) guys. Like, it's not horrible, I'm not all OMG-get-that-dick-away-from-me!!1!!!, but it takes WAY too much effort to be considered "natural". And I know for a fact it's not a sexual hang-up, because there are things that I do like. But while "playing girl" was difficult for me in the street, it was impossible for me in bed. Whatever reaction I was supposed to have towards a masculine touch wasn't there. On the other hand, I have found just the close physical presence of a woman I find attractive is more erotic to me than actually having sex with a guy (as a girl). You sound pretty gay to me, honestly. Like, I identify lesbian, and I may find myself attracted to guys occasionally, but I'm mostly interested in being with women. ^ I think you should go with your gut.
You know, I'm not exactly on the same boat, but I'm questioning myself too, and even if not being for two years, already sucks =/ But, look at this coincidence: I just read this: Girl-on-girl infidelity more acceptable. Apparently, men are much more willing to accept the idea of their girlfriend with other girl. I'm not suggesting that you cheat, as you said you don't want to, but maybe you can talk to him, and see if he agrees with an "experiment". If he already know you are going trough a hard time figuring out things, maybe there's a chance he will accept, I mean, if he likes, he don't want you to stay him being unhappy and/or confuse.
Thanks, Maverick & Undecided John. Maverick, I kept asking myself, how can I be gay if sex with a man is still somewhat enjoyable? You make a really good point in comparing sex with a man vs. something much less physical with a woman, and I feel exactly the same way. I appreciate the honesty and feedback Undecided John, I imagine you're right. For me, the problem is that I'm not just interested in the physical part. If all I wanted was to see what sex with a woman is like, an affair would be the easy solution, but I'm just as interested in seeing what an actual relationship with a woman is like.
You sound pretty gay. You can still acknowledge someone looks attractive yet not be attracted to that gender. That being said, you can still occasionally find love in a man yet still be a lesbian. But on the note of sex, if you're really desperate for a woman in your sex life/want to try something out, it's rare to see boyfriends object to having a threesome with two women. Your biggest concern would be if he takes it in the direction of you becoming a lesbian.
Well, I hate to say, but I guess that, then, you will have to make a choice, at some point. As we say here (an everyone says around the world, probably) you can't make an omelet without breaking the eggs. As a guy with a big history of NOT making decisions when I had too, I would say that is better regret doing things than not doing. I hardly regret the things I did, but I regret like hell the ones I didn't. Not saying that you should rush and break with your boyfriend, but you do have to acknowledge that you will have to choose, between what you have, and what you can get. Any decision you make, good lookluck, a big (*hug*) and (!)(!)(!)(!)
Thanks again. It's true. Even if I manage to figure out that I'm definitely gay, the next step isn't any easier. I'd have to break up with my boyfriend of 6 years, who also happens to be my best friend. In the process of breaking up with him and explaining it to our friends and families, I imagine I'd be forced to come out to everyone. On the one hand, I'm eager to come out, but the thought of everyone knowing before I've even explored is scary. Also, thanks for the (*hug*) ---------- Post added 19th Sep 2011 at 07:46 PM ---------- Also, while we're discussing my relative "gayness," I kinda nerded out and made a chart of my age vs. my estimated Kinsey score. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/members/12654-albums2883-picture25683.html
