HIm really nervous about telling my dad but i think my mom already told him even tho they are divorced and barely talk. Reasons for suspicion: never says the usual "fag,queer... etc" words since soon after i told my mom. Actually said he supports gay marraige on account of "who cares" Has quit constantly asking me things like "so, how was your weekend? Ya find urself some pussy?(lol)" This all from the same dad who used to tell me things like "in my day wed have beat that queers ass..." everytime something or someone gay related was on tv or anything... Oh then there was the time he dragged me around the house by my ankle straight out of my bed when i was like 13, while sleeping, to explain why there were gay porn sites visited on our computer.. I dont know if hes really changed or if he just has around me although i doubt that, or bc of me, since im about the only person that doesnt treat him like shit in our family maybe? If there is a god, he or she loves irony lol....
Well, I would say by the way you described his behavior, its likely he's been told about your situation. Based on the behavior you described him displaying, I wouldn't get your hopes up for this behavior to last. He doesn't sound to me like someone that is going to be a great deal of support to you right now. I'm not saying not give him the chance. I'm just saying if it turns out your dad is just trying to find someone to talk to him for a while, and he ends up not needing that anymore, his "support" (or lack of hatred) he's displaying could go away again. I truly hope your dad can accept you, but he doesn't seem like to me like type of person whom you should be concerned with their opinions about you. I just don't want you to thinks he's truly changed and then have him disappoint you. At the same time I know people can change, and I think you should give him a chance, I suppose just try not to get too emotionally involved. Usually for someone with that kind of homophobia it takes some time to get over past opinions and misconceptions. How long ago was it you told your mom? If its only been a week since he found out this seems like a rather sudden change in behavior. I know what our parents think can mean a lot to us, but I just want you to understand you can still be a great person regardless of what your father thinks =) Good luck.
I can see why your mom divorced him. He sounds like a bit of a jerk. However, if these comments and slurs have suddenly stopped since you came out to your mom, then there's a chance that she's told him and asked him to be more sensitive - at least in front of you. And if she did that, he appears to be following through, which is great! Why don't you just ask your mom if she told him. Tell her what you've told me, and let her know that it's OK if she did - because it has improved the situation. She might then own up to the fact that she told him. (Had you asked her NOT to tell him?)
It's possible that he knows. And if he does, that would be a really good thing because it sounds like it's not a problem to him. Because if it would have been a problem you would know that he knows according to what he did when you were 13. And he's actions sound a lot more sensible now. And the behaviour he was displaying before could have been just homophobia because he didn't know anyone gay. And now he's maybe trying to get used to the idea that his son is gay? But whether he knows or not, do you have to act on it? I mean if he knows, he knows. And if he doesn't you can tell him one day when your ready. It not like you need to talk about it with him until your ready.
Ya i kind of asked my mom not to spill it, to him at least but i think she said something ill have to ask i guess... i think she just worries bc im living with him/ taking care of him (nobody else will) and she knows how nasty he is towards anyone not white or straight... i kind of hope she did i guess cuz he hasnt taken it too badly at all if so, saves me one extremely awkward moment too. Idk y i even care anymore...
