So recently I've come to realize I'm a lesbian and not bi like I originally thought. I was out to pretty much everyone when I thought I was bi and if people asked I would say "Yeah I'm bi." or if someone asks me if I'm gay I would correct them. The thing is I can't bring myself to tell anyone other than the 2 people I've told that I'm a lesbian when they ask. Like the other day I was sitting with my ex boyfriend on campus and we were talking to his roommate and I don't remember what was said but the roommate asked me if I'm gay and I couldn't bring myself to say yes. I again told him I was bi. It's happened on more than one occasion. I don't know why I can't just say it. The only people who know are my best friend and a very close friend (who are both lesbians). I guess I'm afraid of the way people will look at me or treat me differently especially my best guy friend and my family but I feel like I'm lying to everyone and myself when they ask and I tell them I'm only bi. What do I do? How do I get over this fear?
Awh huni know this isnt easy its going to be ok wouldnt it be a bonus if ur lesbina friends had a crush on you ?? just saying
Actually me and one of them had a thing for each other about a year ago but we never pursued it because we stopped talking for a while (my girlfriend and I were broken up for a while at this point but we had gotten back together) and now we're just good friends and the other girl is too young. I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I just got out of an almost 2 year relationship with a girl I was deeply in love with so I'm not ready for that. I just need help with what I posted because it's really starting to bother me
As for the worry of what your friends will think, don't worry. True friends will stick by you forever. But it's true that it isn't easy, I've only told a couple of people myself, but I don't have contact with many people either. I hope you find your courage, it will be worth it in the end.
Well now I don't have to worry about my best guy friend. While I was in the shower he took the liberty of snooping through my computer and now knows everything......
That's not cool of him =[ I suppose it's good he knows, but he didn't have to go and do that. What did he say about it? Everything okay?
I have no advice. But I can tell you that I'm in a similar boat. After 20 some odd years I identified as straight. When I processed my feelings for my now partner I processed to identifying to Bi. I was legally married to a male and in a Poly relationship with him with a female. We are divorcing him. We've come to calling him Little Bunny Fu Fu, because like the bunny in the rhyme he was given ALL the chances to fix things and come around. But he's an abusive prat that we are well rid of. As I process his exit from my life, and the healthy amazing relationship that I have with Mrs. Medea I have started to process the fact that I'm not really attracted to men. All of the relationship and attractions have been more based about me flogging myself into a socially acceptable model than real attraction. But for some reason this is causing me no end of pain and frustration. I am trying to figure out if I need to come out and correct the idea of being Bi. But if I do and I find an attraction to a man, what do I do?? So it kind of helps to know that someone out there is processing the same thing that I am. I never even really came out as Bi, I came out as poly. that by extension implies Bi but it was never a conversation that I had with anyone. I hope you find your answer, I'm still looking for mine. (*hug*)
It takes a while for it to process in your head. I'm having the same problem, my excuse being that it's easier for people to think I'm bi incase I ever change my mind- not likely. I'm getting better though, so I think it just takes time and a lot of getting used to yourself under the 'new title'. I'm sure you had trouble saying bi at first? So this should work out the same way even if it takes a bit longer. Good luck and I hope it works out x
Well when I got out of the shower he was on his couch (he pretty much lives with me) and he was under his blanket so I kinda knew. He's not taking it well. Thank god my best friend is coming over because he'll listen to her because right now he's not ready to listen to what I have to say so I'm hoping she can help a little.
I actually had (and still sometimes have) the same problem. I was out to most everybody as a bisexual, mainly because it was easier for me the the time to have that "security blanket" of still liking the same sex. It made me feel easier to live in society But, after much thought, I'm 99.9% sure I'm a lesbian. It was hard at first admitting it to myself. I had just gotten used to saying "I'm bi"", when all of a sudden I have to get used to saying "I'm a lesbian." Eventually, it will get easier to tell people. It just takes some time.
I can see how it would be difficult not be honest with others about how you feel & how you identify yourself. It probably feels like you're back in the closet again, but don't let those feeling overwhelm you. First off, forget the labels of lesbian and gay. They're mostly terms that society uses to describe people & you shouldn't get hung up on that at all. If someone asks you if you are gay or a lesbian, just tell them flat out - I'm not comfortable discussing it. It sounds like you're not, so it's not lying to anyone at all. As for how you feel, just focus on how you feel & don't worry about how to describe how you feel. So everyone thinks you're bisexual except you're two friends? Let them think whatever they want. As for having to hide that you only have feelings for people of the same sex, well that's just who you are. And I should point out that if everyone already knows you're bisexual, if you do decide one day to correct them all as to how you feel, then they probably won't have a problem with it. If they did, they would have said something when you came out to them as bi. Hope this helps! (*hug*)
