Here is my story. Around the 6th grade I have been fun of all the time from anywhere from being skinny, small, to too shy and I was often call names such as gay (and its other terms) and stupid even my little group of friends would call me these names if I didnt do "fun" activities with them. Sometimes I would let it go and not let it bother me, and other times I would get upset and then people would say stuff like "what are you gonna cry now" I wouldn't cry in front of people but I did cry when I was away or I'd cry myself to sleep. But this word "gay" that I got called hurt me the most. I start to think and wonder If I was gay or not. This happened though-out middle school. In high school I was able to prevent it from happening I found myself a new group of friends who wouldn't do stuff like that. Yet the thought of me being gay or not was still in my head. Peer pressure to lose my virginity came along and a friend of mine made it hard for me to be a virgin. If tried and failed many times with the girls yet I was still attracted to girls. Not only that these thoughts in my head wouldn't go away so I turned to gay porn to find out if was true. after looking and pics and watching videos and then realizing that is was kinda turning me on I got really scared. I wondered what was wrong with me. College came around and the few true friends I had were still great friends. My first year in is when I met someone online who lived close to me and was my age. we talk for a couple days then I told I was kinda new to this and I don't really know if I am or not. Eventually we hooked up. No that I had done that I was very scared and kept ask why me why do I have to be like this. I stopped looking at the porn and tried to stop thinking about it. But I hooked up again, dated someone who kept it all privet and dumped him cause I couldn't handle it. But now im beginning to find guys to talk to and I went on a little date. Im single still but Im beginning to accept the fact but I still ask why? and I'm still confused Who can relate to me and help me with this? Some nights I cry myself to sleep because I don't understand why this is happening :tears:
Welcome to EC! I think a lot of us here can completely relate to you. Some of us have tried time after time to "turn straight", found out that you just can't change your sexuality, and began the hard process of accepting it. Now a lot of people have come out and are completely happy living their lifes without having to hide who we are. I know its very confusing, but you seem to be getting there so just keep working at it. Why do you think its so hard to accept that you might just be gay?
Are you sexually attracted to girls? If you are, then you're bi and just confused by the stupid notion that "it's either gay or straight." If you aren't attracted to girls, then you are gay and just having a hard time accepting it. We're all given one life to lead. If dudes are your thing, go out and find him man - no point in waiting around.
yes I am sexually attracted to girls. I just confused on why I am attracted to both sexually, being that I grew up thinking your meant to like only one or the other and the "other" being gay was "wrong" by my family morals
