So the title says it. I'm a puzzle and I could use some help solving me. I'm a 24 year old male who has been dating women and chasing (literally) them across the playground since I could run. My dilemma? I'm finding myself more and more attracted to men. When I look at a nude woman, I'm not turned on necessarily. That being said, if I am with a woman that I've been able to bond and connect with, just the touch of her skin can set the fire for me. When I look at a man, however, I generally am turned on right away if I find him attractive. When I mess around with a guy (which I don't do very often and I've never gone all the way), as soon as we are finished I am disgusted with myself. I hate what I've just done and I vow that I'll never do it again. That is a vow that I have broken a few times. I do not have the same response to being with a woman. I also have been finding myself watching more and more gay porn as opposed to straight porn. I get the same disgusted reaction with myself once I'm finished. So what is my deal then!? I'm more attracted to guys but I could never see myself actually "with" one. I am not as attracted to women but there's nothing I want more than do be with one and have a child together; a child that is both of ours. I'd appreciate any insight into my problem here guys. I really do appreciate your thoughts.
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you could be more sexually attracted to men than women but still definitely be romantically attracted to women (and possibly men). The two are separated for a reason; they're both scales, and we can be on different parts/ends of those scales. As for your disgusted reactions, the revulsion you feel could probably be explained by cultural conditioning; I doubt that it indicates that you aren't somehow attracted to men, since you keep coming back to them.
Yeah, I also used to feel the exact same way when I started realizing my feelings. I always felt disgusted with myself when I had sexual thoughts about men, and said I could never be romantically attached to one. With girls, it was pretty much the opposite, I could see myself in love with one, but not attracted to her. That was, however, back when I had some serious internalized homophobia, due mainly to a homophobic family. Once I started to realize that it wasn't a bad or abnormal thing to be gay, I realized that I could have the same feelings for a man I thought I could only have with a woman, and that I had just dismissed it as impossible because I had so desperately not wanted to be gay. Now, I'm not saying it's the same for you, maybe you do only find them physically attractive, or maybe you're bisexual, I'm just saying that's how it was for me. The only reason I didn't think I could love a man romantically is because I was so afraid of my feelings at the time.
Thanks for the responses, guys. I'm the guy who wrote the other post, "completely confused" but I thought there was a technical issue so I posted this one which stated basically the same thing. Either way, I appreciate the input you guys have. Andane, did you ever have a romantic and physical relationship with a girl? Or did you always only have the yearning for one but never the sexual attraction to make it happen?
At the time, yeah, I had wanted a romantic relationship with a girl, but just didn't have any physical attraction. I had gone out with a girl for a short while, but she always seemed more like a close friend than a girlfriend in retrospect. Looking back on it, I feel I may have been able to love a girl, but I don't think I could ever be IN love with her, if that makes any sense =/
:welcome: Welcome to EC :welcome: That feeling you have afterwards is normal. Before I came out I'd hate myself every time I watch gay porn; It would be followed by me saying that I'd never do it again even though I did in fact do it again. As said above, you might be sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women.
So if you were sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women, what do you think you would do? If I bond with a woman, I do become attracted to her, but it isn't nearly as quick of a response as I get from guys and can lead to some awkward situations.
Welcome to EC! My thought on your disgust after having been with a guy is that's because that's your learned response. Think about what guys say about two dudes getting it on and then think about what if you'd never heard all that. Maybe that's not the case, it's just my hunch. Again, your desire to marry a woman and have the kids with her could be all you've ever been taught and seen. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but that's my gut reaction. I wish you the best on your quest to personal peace. Maybe stick around and see what others of us have been through. Best regards! ---------- Post added 22nd Sep 2011 at 08:56 PM ---------- For me, in this situation, I always come back to the thought that if that woman has an equally good looking brother, cousin, or friend, I'd be wanting to be with that guy. You can try to find a woman who turns you on A LOT, but I've found that her hot brother would always turm me on more and w/o me having to think, "Am I really into this girl?" I know right away that, YES, I'm really into the hot guy. Take care, man, don't worry, it's ok
Mnguy, thanks for the response. Just you telling me that "it's ok" made me feel a lot better. Honestly, thank you.
