Hey all, A few weeks ago I told mum that I was questioning my sexuality, she was super supportive and suggested that I go talk to a counsellor, I agreed so she made an appointment. As the date for my appointment approaches I’m starting to feel a strong sense of guilt, because compared a lot of people I have it really good (my family aren’t close but I’m well provided for) and therefor I should just “harden the fuck up”. The other thing I’m feeling is nervousness I’ve been trying to find ways to weasel out of going, although for me this isn’t uncommon I tend to do this whenever I’m required to talk to people whether it’s going for a job interview or calling up my internet service provider to report a fault. Even typing this post my hands are shaking. Anyways to my question are these normal feelings I’m feeling or am I just whinging Thanks.
They are normal questions, and they're actually related. You don't want to go to the counsellor, because you don't want to talk about what's bothering you. As a result, you're rationalizing why you don't need to go - that things aren't really that bad. Let me say that going to talk to a counsellor can be a really enlightening experience. I think everyone should have a therapist! Whether they're gay or not! And especially if you've got issues that you want to work through, you should go. Your mom has offered without hesitation, so go! And even if it doesn't do much to help you overcome your concerns about your orientation, it will be good for you to talk to a stranger. Good luck!
I put off going for years, thinking I should be able to handle things on my own. After finally going, I realized it was the best decision I ever made.
I agree with jim they can be enlightening When I first came out my mom suggested going to a therapist but I did not go because I did not need it. But now that I think about it it may of been a good thing, DOn't be nervous just breath once you walk in and start talking for 5 minutes or so you will calm down. Thats what happened with my first GSA meeting.
I resisted going to a counselor for years, because I "had a good family, and nothing *really* bad had happened to me, so I just needed to get with the program". I felt like it was my fault that I couldn't deal with life, and I just needed to get my act together. I firmly held to this until I ended up in the mental hospital for suicidal thoughts. That was five years ago, and they haven't been back, thanks to medication and therapy. Don't wait until you end up in the hospital - the crazy people are there...
There will always be someone who has it worse (and always someone who has it better, for that matter...) This does not make your personal experience any less valid or worthy of attention. "It's not SO bad" is an avoidance strategy. You will find it worthwhile to be able to talk with someone who isnt personally invested. Getting there the first time is the hardest part. Good luck!
I put off going to a therapist for nearly a year when I really needed to go. I was having a serious crises about the direction my life was taking. It was an incredibly positive experience for me. I came out of it after a few months with a much more positive outlook on life and a much better ability to cope with it. Although I never told my counselor I was gay, I wasn't ready to come out, I think that my time with her was what really prepared me to come to terms with being gay, which was a process that began toward the end of our sessions. I was super nervous going in mostly because I didn't know what the counselor would be like who she was and why I was pouring out my personal life to a stranger or even what went on during the session. Furthermore, I felt embarrassed that I was seeking help for mental problem. I have since realized that mental healthcare is the same as physical healthcare, you should go for a checkup at least once a year or if you have a big change in your life. There is far too much of a stigma about it in our society. Take the opportunity, if you have any questions about what it is like, I would be happy to answer them.
First if, the is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Your getting the help you need, which is a thing to be proud of, not feel guilty about. Trust me, you'll probably feel more guilty if you didn't go. Honestly, I should probably go see a therapist at some point. I have AWFUL anxiety, and it would be nice just to talk to someone other than family or friends, and get a professional's point of view. Anyway, best of luck to you.
A couple of things to remember: 1. It is the counsellor's job to talk to you. They are being paid for it, so they are providing you with a service (not the other way around). That is, they are working for YOU. 2. Not all counsellors are as supportive of gay,lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people. If you feel AT ALL uncomfortable or disturbed by anything the counsellor says or does it is your right to walk out at any time or to not return to that person. It is also your right to make a complaint to their employer or accrediting body (the professional association they are a member of) if they behave unethically or are not supportive of your sexuality or identity. Don't be afraid to do this, you will probably be glad you did in the future. 3. In saying that, some counsellors and therapists are wonderful people, so you might also find a good one. Shop around if need be, there are good ones out there. Good luck!
