So I go in to my normal place...And the guy behind the counter I find completely cute and never addressed this until tonight...And anyways I found myself looking at him and fantasizing about us making out against a wall...And its not right in many ways...I'm in a long term relationship with a female who knows my entire sexual history with men, I will be faithful...And its not like I don't have homosexual thoughts cause I do but this guy is most likely completely straight...I've always lived by a rule and thats if somebody is straight they don't want you thinking about them like that its not flattering so don't do it...I mean its not like I'm going to walk up to the guy and talk about us making out...weird...especially considering everyone besides who I've told my history to thinks I am and have always been a straight male...Also I got another problem more severe than that... I'm ashamed but I had encounters with a male on craigslist over 2 years ago before I was diagnosed and put on antipsychotics and now I live a relatively peaceful life self cured of my sex addiction and not trying to get high but I'll be just at a restaurant eating with my parents or stop by a bar and just think what if he showed up? It scares the shit out of me and I have to take ativan or something I'm prescribed just to calm me down...I don't like it...And I for warned and told everyone who I thought deserves to know like my current girlfriend and best friend who hasn't spoken to me in 6 months and the bouncer at a bar...not sure why I told him I was just hammered and looked him dead in the eye and said I think I'm bisexual...shame lol wow thats some loopy shit to be saying to someone like that.
I am not sure what your precise concern is, but I will try to do my best to give some general advice. So it seems like you are saying you have an infatuation with a guy who is presumably straight who works at your coffee shop, and you are worried about doing something stupid with him. Addressing this specifically, I would say don't go to that coffee shop. Generally, all advice that has ever been given for situations like this is distance and cutting off contact is key for getting over unwanted crushes. On the other hand, this also sounds like it might be the result of the fact that your heterosexual relationship with your girlfriend might not satisfy your attraction to guys. I am sort of out of my league here with the whole bisexuality thing, being gay myself, but I somehow doubt that your fear of him showing up at a restaurant when you are eating with your parents is an issue specifically related to him. I am glad that you have been honest with her. I think this is really courageous of you.
I'm not sure what you're looking for either here - there was a lot in that one post. You fantasize about another guy. That in itself isn't a bad thing. We all fantasize to some extent about other people. If you're not stalking him. If you're not letting it interfere with your current relationship. If you're not obsessing about him - then I'd say it's all good. But this does appear to be bothering you. It's a preoccupation or irrational fear that you're struggling to deal with. What bothers me the most is that you claim to be 'self cured' from your sex addiction. If you're truly a sex addict, then that's bullshit. Recovering from addiction is not something you do on your own. It's something you need to do with the support of others. So instead I'm thinking you're perhaps just medicating yourself when feeling triggered - instead of being able to deal with it in a healthy way. But then perhaps you're not a sex addict. Perhaps you're more 'gay' than you want to admit, and this is your way of explaining away how attracted you were to the guys you were meeting through online classifieds. Having sex with guys isn't something on it's own that you need to be ashamed of, unless you're not really comfortable being gay. I don't know. But I do think that it would be worth working with a therapist to talk about what you're feeling and how you're coping with it. If you're a sex addict, perhaps attending a 12 step group would help you to start addressing the problem in a more holistic way. As a sex addict, you can contact me via private message if you want to talk further.
Thank you for your replies...I'm actually referring to two separate ppl here...The guy at the coffee shop is like a crush and two years ago while I was suffering from a manic episode I had gay sex via craigslist with someone a few times...I fear him showing up at places I'm at and when I feel that anxiety I take my ativan just as the doctor told me to do...I agree that I do need some sort of therapy and I've tried and given up on it too many times...I was afraid to log in and see what the replies were...Now I think sex is only worth having if you feel something for that person male or female...Sorry for bothering the boards/forums again...I will see a therapist and get over this nonsense ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2011 at 09:35 PM ---------- The guy at the coffee shop knows nothing and we talk hes a good guy and we just talk and I get my coffee and go...
There's nothing wrong with crushes at all. Sometimes it's a great thing to have a crush and to fantasize of "what could be" ... no harm in that. Seems innocent enough. As for the experience you had two years ago, as there's nothing you can do if you run into him in a public setting, I would try my best to putting it out of your mind. What's the worst that can happen anyways if you did see him somewhere? I highly doubt you would be approached especially if you were with other people. I think it would just go unnoticed and you would both go on your way. I'm glad you have a new outlook on sex, but unfortunately there's nothing we can do about our pasts, as much as we might like to change things. Like I said, try to not think about it at all. This was two years ago and for all you know this guy doesn't even live in the same town anymore and has moved on. We're here for you, this isn't nonsense, you're just needing some advice.
Nothing that you're dealing with is nonsense, and you never need to apologize for posting something here in EC - unless you've offended someone, which you haven't. We're here to help - and the fact is that there are likely 3 other people who have the same problems you do but who haven't found the courage yet to post about it - so you've helped them out at the same time.
