So, I've been preparing myself for coming out for the last half year. I figured graduating college (which I did in May) is a time of transition, when you can make a clean break from the past, and when you take a big step toward becoming a mature adult. I decided it was unhealthy and unsustainable to keep my sexuality secret any longer, and was ready to start living. I'm about a week away from when I plan to tell my first couple people (best friend, cousin, aunt). But for the past few days, I've been getting cold feet. I keep questioning whether I'm truly gay, even though I've known it for years. I keep second guessing whether the time is right. It's strange, because up until very recently I was feeling confident and assured about coming out...and all of a sudden my mentality changed. Did anybody else go through something similar? Might it just be a psychological trick my mind is playing to try and delay the inevitable? :eusa_doh:
I went through something like this, and still do on occasion. I think that it's just our minds trying to find the easy way out instead of taking a risk. I had doubts a long time before I came out just because I was so nervous..
Yeah, I went through something similar right before I came out to my parents. I had a pretty long drive from my college to my parents, and during that whole time, I was thinking thoughts just like you've had - "Am I really gay? Do I really have these feelings?" I definitely knew who I was, and I definitely knew that the feelings I had were real, but I still found myself questioning at the last moment. I think it was just that questioning that most people get before they do something life-changing. It's kind of like an automatic reflex, second guessing yourself on whether your feelings are actually true and whether this is really the right thing to do. It sounds like you definitely know who you are, and that its just natural second-thoughts/cold feet that you're having, not some new revelation about who you truly are. Good luck with coming out! I hope all goes well.
no... but i know you can do it. be warned there is going to be drama.. and i have 200% faith that you can do it!(*hug*)
Thanks for the support...200% should be enough to get me over the edge. :icon_wink I think part of my problem is that a complete shift in perspective is taking place. For years, I've built this prison of secrecy around myself. Living openly will be a liberating thing, but it's totally different than what I've grown used to. For years, I've basically reinforced the idea into my mind that I can't have a romantic relationship. Now that I'm open to it, I'm suffering the consequences of all that prior negativity. The possibility of having a boyfriend is both exciting and scary, because it's so new and different. The closet is a stifling place, but in a strange way it's familiar and comfortable, too. We naturally are fearful of big changes, so we try to avoid them, even if the ultimate outcome is a healthy and positive one. My mind is telling me to 'be safe', 'maintain the status quo', 'don't rock the boat', and so on. But for my emotional well being, I need to overcome that.
I can relate! I just came out to my parents (actually exactly one week ago) and right before doing so I also was second-guessing myself. I'm gay and have known it for years but there's something very final about telling your parents. I'd already told friends and siblings and never had this feeling as much, but when you tell your parents you want to make sure you know yourself 100% through and through. And sure, you'll second-guess yourself. I do that by nature anyway, but man, if you know you're gay you should just do it! I hyped myself up about my parents for YEARS and they took it amazingly! Full support from both parents and they aren't the most liberal people on the block...Feels great though. So, I'd say, totally normal feelings, but ignore them. If you are positive about who you really are, tell your parents. My life is changing and I am beginning to be so much happier. Good luck buddy!
I like your username; I have an account somewhere with one similar, so I did a double-take for a second. Haha. Anyhow, I'd say you just have cold feet. "Just"... fffgh. Cold feet is difficult to deal with, because it actually can mess up the process of coming out. Why? Well, in my experience it's best to remain calm, confident, poised, all that good stuff. Being nervous can turn "hey, I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm gay, I hope you love and respect me still" into "HOMG I'M GAY I AM SO SORRY *BAWL*". Which isn't wrong, it's just not the best way to go about it, you know? If it helps, I'm gay and trans, and while coming out was pretty simple for me... staying strong was not. Even though I have been on T for about three years now, there are times I still question myself and if I am trans. Now, I know I am; I'm a guy, that's all there is to it. But I see some of what happens to trans people, I get snarky comments made at me, and I think it's less "am I trans?" and more "can I handle being trans?" if that makes sense. So... Are you questioning being gay, or are you questioning whether or not you can handle the implications and potential consequences of being gay? If it's the latter, the answer is "yes". You CAN handle it. You seem like a smart, educated person and I'm sure you're a strong person as well. It just takes time, and a good support system. Maybe a couple of self-defense classes, while you're at it. ;] It's tough being an out n' proud person (and it's tough being NOT out, too, just in different ways) but you can be happy, healthy and successful. Good luck. =]
I could have written that. The idea of actually having a relationship to me is definitely exciting, but also super scary! I know exactly how you're feeling, and I'm pretty much in the exact same spot as you right now. I'm about to come out to a couple people any second now, I just need a good opportunity. I still second guess myself. I mean...it's weird...I'm pretty much gay but I saw this really muscular guy with his shirt off while I was going for a walk today. I couldn't help but stare. I have this visual attraction to guys, I really appreciate their beauty...but I don't want to have sex with them. It's weird, but I guess that's just how I am.
