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cry or ignore the feeling

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by behind glass, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. behind glass

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    For a while when I've been feeling really low and like no one wants to listen to me, I really felt like crying I would just ignore it and go do something to distract myself, but the feeling always catches up with me and then I just completely brake down.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Sep 2011 at 08:44 PM ----------

    In other words I don't know what to do about this. I just feel like laying in bed all day with the lights off when ever I ignore the feeling of being on the edge of crying.
     
  2. closetedafraid

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    Hi behind_glass, I know the exact feeling! I am not yet out of the closet and I live in an extremely homophobic environment, I very often bottle up my feelings and keep them inside, somedays I feel like I am just going to pop or explode, that's when I come here to this helpful board and write down my aprehensive feelings and the caring replies usually calm me down, however, that may not be the case for everyone.

    A lot of times it's not very easy to ignore your feelings, especially if they become stronger and stronger. I suggest, try talking to someone you trust! Such as a friend, a sibling maybe, or even a family member, also try writing down your feelings in a journal? But to summarize your question, I say if anything... Cry! Don't ignore the feeling, usually when you cry it makes you feel a lot better and feels like somethings have been resolved.

    I hope I helped! (I'm sord of in the same exact situation as you are and am still trying to answer this question for myself)
     
  3. Marlowe

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    First of all, *hug*. Know that there is an amazing community out here to listen to you, and support you. I owe a lot the fantastic people of EC. You need only ask.

    What you describe sounds exactly like I felt about a year ago. I was depressed, I felt worthless, and the worst part was that I felt that nobody cared that I was miserable. I felt like this for probably six months. Especially at night as I was trying to fall asleep, which I had a lot of trouble doing, I would feel horrible about myself and my life. My darkest fears and self-loathing about being gay and much else in my life would overcome me. In the morning I would wake up, and I would feel better enough to pull myself together, and muddle through the day. But it was just that -- muddling. Yeah, we all develop coping mechanisms, but it won’t solve the problem, and even more it takes a huge amount of emotional and mental energy to cope.

    I kept telling myself, I didn’t need help, but finally after putting it off for several months, I went to see a counselor at my college. It was an incredible experience, and after several months of sessions, I have not had a major relapse of depression, I am a more positive person, and I it helped move me forward toward coming out even if I am not there yet. I am not saying that counseling is right for you, and it certainly is made more difficult by the fact that you are still in high school, but realize that counseling is one option out there. Furthermore, some cases of depression are biological in nature and medication really helps those people for whom this is the case. Mental healthcare is just like regular healthcare; you would never say I am going to tough it out, because if I go to my doctor with a broken leg people will think I am weak. It is possible that your school has a counselor you can see. They can be a mixed bag, but it is worth a shot.

    I also like the idea that closetedafraid suggested about writing. This can really help you clarify why you feel the way you feel. It turns abstract thoughts into concrete ideas. I did this a lot early in my personal acceptance process, and it really helped. Finally, I would suggest engaging your friends directly. Don’t wait for someone to ask. They probably want to help you, but they don’t realize that you need help. I only realized after I came out on the other side, how well I tried to hide that I needed help from other people, both because I didn’t want to be seen as weak, but also because I wanted them to ask me, which would show that they cared about me – but obviously they didn’t because I was hiding it from them. Be brave. I know there is a lot of stigma surround mental health, but you had the courage to come out to a few close friends, you can definitely do this.

    Please let me know if you have any questions. We are all here to help you get through this. Here is another one for the road. *big bear hug*
     
    #3 Marlowe, Sep 23, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2011
  4. pronua

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    I kinda do the same thing, I'm always sad and I just feel like there's no one to talk to and I lay down and cry sometimes. I don't feel like doing anything anymore....I might be depressed. so..sorry, I don't really have advice because I'm going through the same thing. -hugs- :slight_smile:
     
  5. behind glass

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    I basically know the reasons I feel low and unwanted, mainly it is because my griefs that know I'm gay and I go to for help don't really know how to help me (because in my group of friends I am the advise giver) they just say to cheer up and another reason is I feel like I am always alone.
     
  6. Skyfire13

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    * Hug *

    Hey, welcome and thanks for posting. There are people out there that want to listen and to try and help you. The community here at EC was/is created to try and help with all of the various stages of gay life - from the identification of identity through the coming out process and beyond - and all of the challenges that each of those stages entail. We want to hear your thoughts, your problems, and your individual circumstance. We want you to talk to the community.

    But going back to your original point - those feelings of shutting down, sleeping all day, and withdrawing from the world are the major points of depression. Now please don't get too concerned about that term 'depression'. For some it has some stigma attached to it but it is a normal human response. I repeat - it is normal. For some people it stems from chemical imbalance but for others it is the (rather stupid) way of dealing with social isolation. Among the gay community it is usually the latter. Being in the closet has a way of making us self-isolate from the group, which can lead to depression, which leads to more self-isolation, and the cycle continues. But it doesn't have to be that way. Mate - you're ok. You're a good person. You are just going through a rough patch in life and you should have a little bit of help to get you through it--we can't do everything by ourselves all the time.

    Advice going forward:
    Keep talking here on EC. Keep writing down your personal thoughts and what exactly you are having trouble with.
    If you want to talk to a real person - I know in my home state of NM we had an anonymous help line for people that just wanted someone to listen to them. They got calls ranging from people just wanting to vent about a bad day to people on the verge of suicide so they were trained to be helpful and empathetic. These guys went out of their way to volunteer for this hotline so they genuinely want to help people. Is there anything like that in your area?
    This is going to sound a bit lame - but watch some TV with characters who are gay. It helped me because I could see someone else going through it.
    Get some exercise to try to break the cycle. Oh and get some sun too - Vitamin D is really nice.

    But most of all - you don't have to go through this alone. People do care about you. Let them.
     
  7. TraceElement

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    I know journaling has been mentioned before, but each day, or at least a few times a week, write down what went right in your day. Got an A on a test, beat a record on a video game, or a teacher congratulated you on doing well this semester, write it down. This will help you see that your life is not as hopeless as it may currently seem, and will help you realize that you are doing something right every day.
    Try and find somebody to talk to in person... friend, teacher, counselor, psychologist, someone. Talking to a psychologist or therapist may be beneficial to you to work out the problems that you are facing. Just find SOMEONE that has your back when you need to get stuff off your chest.
    Also, clue your doctor in to how you are feeling. They may be able to help rule out other medical stuff, and reccommend a course of treatment.
    As always, the EC community will always be here if you need us... you can message the advisors, hit me up on my wall, start another thread. Some of us (like me) are currently battling depression and some have overcome it, so we do have some idea of what you are feeling.(*hug*)
     
  8. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hey (*hug*),
    there are people who want to listen to you.
    Maybe for some reason you can't talk to your family and friends, but you can try talking to your teachers, to your school counselor, to your school nurse, they are here to help you.
    If you can't talk to these people, for whatever reason, you're very welcome to talk to us.
    We do care about you and we are willing to listen to what you have to say and to help you if we can.
    Feel free to post about whatever is bothering you. I'm sure you'll find some EC's members to relate to what you're experiencing and to provide you support. You're also more than welcome to PM any members of the advisor team. They're here to listen and to try to provide you help if they can.
    You can also contact a helpline. Here is a link to the Trevor Project website : Preventing Suicide Among LGBTQ Youth | The Trevor Project
    They provide a helpline that you can call anytime and online chat resources some days of the week where you can chat with the volunteers.
    Don't stay alone with you pain. Reach out for help and keep in mind you are not alone.
    (*hug*) Cécile