getting aroused to the opposite sex, what does that mean?

What would I say about this? Two things.

1. You're horny.
2. You're spending too much time analyzing and not enough time enjoying.

Lex

 

I agree with Lex.

But if we're playing this analysing game, this is what I think: You're trying to force yourself to be attracted in women. Thoughts like: "hmm, yeah I think she has a great body", "I think I wouldn't mind sleeping with her" etc. don't mean that you're attracted to women. Girls are pretty. Being heterosexual is seen as socially normal. Stop it. There is no obligation to be attracted to the opposite sex. If you are, that's fine. But stop worrying about it. It's okay to be gay.

And yeah, you were definitely attracted to the guy that walked into the office if you were checking him out like that. This means that you're not only possibly gay or bisexual - you are definitely gay or bisexual. That's what being attracted to the same sex means.

You don't need a label though, the fact is that you are more or less homosexual. The next step is to learn to accept it. There is no way to find out whether you are bisexual before you accept that it's okay to be gay because until you can accept that you will try and convince yourself that you might still be interested in girls because they are pretty. But noticing that someone is pretty doesn't mean that you're attracted to them.

 

>>>the reason why i'm doing this is because i get depressed thinking about this right here. i don't want to believe or acknowledge that i'm possibly gay or bisexual. this is extremely difficult to me.

Well, here's the thing.

Your sexuality isn't supposed to be a clinical trial. It's supposed to be more like finding out your hat size. So you say "OK, this is what does it for me", and you can move on to actually finding hats (or dating partners) that work well with you. I'm well aware that it can be a long and confusing process for some, and it's not unheard of for people to get a piece of the puzzle long after they thought the puzzle was complete. ("I never liked Asian guys/overweight guys/guys-at-all until I met Kevin...and that confused me.") But a lot of people use the fact that "I'm still unsure" or "I don't think I have all the answers yet" to justify not making a move. And that's not how it's supposed to play out. It doesn't matter if you don't know what your "type" is, exactly. It should simply come down to a matter of "you and this other person". Do you like HIM/HER? Is s/he appealing to you, in a simple physical way, and in a "I'd like to get to know this person better" sort of way? Then feel free to make a move. No, you don't have to date (or try to date) absolutely everybody that piques your interest. But "I'm still not totally sure about everything" isn't really a good excuse for not making a move, either.

And as far as not wanting to acknowledge you may be gay or bisexual...well, I'd say it's time to start. Because if you're 24, and still feeling the pull towards guys, it's doubtful that it's due to anything but the standard "you find (some) guys attractive" thing. Which usually goes by the term "gay" or "bisexual".

I say all this not to be flip. But it sounds like you've put up a mental wall about being gay, and are thinking you might still be able to "logically deduce" your way out of it (perhaps if you find enough women attractive enough). And that doesn't solve the problem so much as delay it. If you're gay/bi - and signs are pointing that way - it's best to simply say "Cool - I'm gay/bi. Now what?" Because being gay is actually not that big a deal. Seriously. You might have issues in various parts of the world, and with various people you may come in contact with. But the advantage in coming out after the age of 20 is that you're in a lot more control in regards to who you associate with. You can simply phase out people in your life who aren't supportive if you need to. You can move if it's really an issue where you live. And you can get back towards living the kick-ass life you're supposed to be living.

Lex

 

My experience as a bi guy: I see sixty people per day, usually it's five guys of those sixty that turn me on - the rest of the fifty five all girls. Other days (on rare occasions) the guys that turn me on outnumber the girls that do because by happenstance they're the ones around me that given day. Basically saying environment and who's around determines everything. Just... thinking those five guys per day are hot? I know or think my straight friends probably don't go through that - thus, I'm definitely bi or heteroflexible. Nothing wrong with that.

 

>>>yes, i am in complete denial. even talking about this, i am in complete denial of my situation. i don't want to believe it. i don't want to accept the fact that i'm gay or bisexual. i don't. i don't. i don't. i am living in my own hell already. do i need to go through much worse? for real, the situation wouldn't be hard if i didn't have all those other things on my back that could possibly drown me into shit. yes, i want to live a kick ass life but is it worth losing everything though?

Well, it sounds like it's been going this way.

You've got it in your head that "gay=bad". Your family is homophobic, or you're in a small-thinking town. But whatever it is, once you started getting the data that "I like guys", you paired that up with "gay=bad" to equal "this is going to make my life even worse". So you tried to solve it by eliminating (or at least minimizing) the "I like guys" part. Because if you don't like guys, you're not gay, and you don't have to deal with the whole "gay=bad" bit.

Thing is, as we've discussed in this thread, seems like you do like guys. And rather than try to create massive loopholes around the "I like guys" bit - where you find enough women attractive that maybe you can date one and marry one, and so you don't have to deal with the "I like guys" part, in order to avoid dealing with the "gay=bad" part...

...why not start revisiting the "gay=bad" part?

Quick thumbnail sketch of the gargoyle's life. I'm 41, got a couple jobs I love. I have plenty of friends - straight and gay. I go to concerts, do a fair amount of traveling, and hold season tickets to a contact sport.

And I'm gay, and partnered.
And everybody knows this.
My friends, my family, the local bands I go see a lot, the pro athletes.
They know.
And they don't fucking care.

It's no big deal. Everybody seems to get that "some people are gay, and hey, Lex is one of those people". Big deal. And I realize there are places where being gay isn't going to work. Where you'd be a square peg in a round hole. But the best thing in that case isn't to try to conform to the round hole. It's to get the hell out of there, and find yourself a square one.

I don't know your whole story. If I'm gleaning the right things from your posts, it's that you're still living with your parents, you may have a "barely-make-ends-meet" sort of job, and your family is homophobic. Sucks, but it happens. But that just means you'll need to start planning for the future. Not (just) on the job front, but on the personal front. It sounds like there's a lot of anti-gay programming that we're going to need to educate you out of. Your parents (and presumably your friends) can wait. It's most important that YOU believe that being gay is OK - not just for other people, but for you. And that you CAN live that kick-ass life as a gay man. Because you can.

No time like the present, I guess. If you'd like to discuss this openly, right here in the forums, I can ask you some questions and give you some pointers. If you'd rather do it privately, you can send me a Private Message by clicking on my name to the left there. But I think we can get you to a better spot.

Lex

 

I think you're just making things complicated. I mean I'm gay and already accepted it but I'm still being aroused to girls. Does that mean I'm really bisexual? Of course not. Don't make yourself confused by simple little things, there is no pure gay and pure straight in this world. We have imperfections inside us whether gay or straight. I mean you could even make your own sexual orientation if you don't fall to the LGBT terms. The important thing is just accept who you are and don't ever tell yourself "Maybe I'm bisexual or gay or confused or something" and don't ever make the LGBT terms as a single meaning. I mean if you think being gay is exclusive only to guys and bisexual is equal attraction to both sexes. Just create your own that makes you comfortable. Like you're gay but not exclusive or you're bisexual but prefer guys more just like that.

 

it may be different reasons
1 may be that you need sexual attention
2 you are slowly becoming a more deeper version of being bi
3 after you saw the first girl you became mentually horny

---------- Post added 21st Dec 2011 at 10:13 PM ----------

you may be bisexual