so i've been thinking that my ability to date guys and somewhat kind of enjoy it was tied to the fact that i've been looking for a father figure. my parents divorced when i was four because my dad was on drugs...and after that it was a constant struggle. my mom tried to keep my from seeing him, he was in and out of rehab, and finally he moved across the country with his new wife and children and has been clean of drugs and alcohol for four years now. despite all of this, he is an amazing father. and he cares about me and his stepchildren immensely. but still, even though he went to all of my girl scout events and all of my school plays and band concerts, he still wasn't a consistent father figure in my life-- especially now that i only see him twice a year. he left when i was twelve, just starting puberty, and that's when my entire sexual being, well, exploded. i've fantasized about men abusing me because my mom always encouraged me to boss my dad around and not respect him, so i never had any patriarchal discipline, and it backfired into something deeply psychological and just plain kinky. and as far as the boyfriends i've had, i basically dated them because i was subconsciously looking for that masculine role in my life. but it was never sexual...the satisfaction i got from hugging a guy was the same satisfaction i get from hugging my dad after six months of not seeing him. so i was wondering if any other gays have experienced this-- the absence of a consistent parental figure causing you to get those feelings of childhood longing confused with the feelings of romance and sexuality. also: totally random. but i was thinking of wearing something so that gays and gay supporters will notice my non-straightness. but i want it to be subtle...ideas?
I know this is kind of an old thread but i perked my curiosity and I have often wondered the same things. My parents also divorced when I was four (due to multiple reasons one being alcohol) and has been mostly out of the picture since. When I was 6 she remarried a man who, to put it mildly, was a religious piece of s***. She was with him for 10 years and during that time is when I began to question my identity. Since then, I've wondered if the absence of a parent or the presence of a bad one could have caused me to think I was strait when I was not. Hope this sorta answers your question.
Yeah I've always wondered this too, if I dated guys for a long time because I was looking for a father figure type, when I am sexually far more attracted to women.
