Islamic parents

I'm sorry you have to go through such emotional struggles at home. I haven't had to deal with extremely religious parents so I can't help with that part. There are a lot of members here who have had experiences with religious parents and I'm sure would be glad to weigh in and give you some advice.

Since you are still living under with your parents and all, you might need to abide by their rules until you're able to get out on your own and be independent. If you don't want to pray, then don't. They can't be watching you every second. Masturbation is something healthy as well, so there's no need to stop that unless it's something you want to stop. Even if they are your parents, there are some things you don't have to do. They wouldn't know whether you do some of those things or not. Sorry this isn't much help but feel free to PM me or any other moderator or advisor should you need to.

 

Yeah, your family can't make you be religious. You are part of an entire generation that is rejecting the extremist religion/traditions of their parents.

Your parents have got to respect that nobody can be forced into a relationship with a god(s) if they don't want to be religious.

 

My only advice really is to play along until you can get out of the house and live independently, especially if your parents are of the more fundamentalist types. Fundamentalist Muslims have biiiiiiiiiiiiggggggg problems with homosexuality, to the point where some wish to toss them off tall buildings.

If your parents are more fundamentalist, I'd advise following their religion until you can be independent, then go live a life of your own.

If they're more moderate, you may be able to tell them that it is something you can't change regardless of what they try and do, and that you simply don't wish to be religious, and that considering it is your life, they shouldn't be telling you how to live.

I have some more fundamentalist (Christian) grandparents who are anti-homosexuality, so my intention is to wait a while (or even never tell them if they die in the coming years) until I tell them I'm an atheist and bisexual.

Also, I presume you live in a Western Country (if you didn't, my advice would be to leave. Now.). There are plenty of support networks for gay men/LGBT meetings in your community.

It's going to be very tough for you in the short and medium-term.

 

This. If you leave in a western, non-theocratic country, then just wait a little more, soon enough you will be able to live by your own (except if you depend on your parents to go to college, in this case, it's better to start to planning a way to not depend on them anymore). If you don't, run. Really.

If your parents are fundamentalists, then it will probably be more difficult then it has been to me, but my mother is a minister on a local church, and she always took me to church, and taught me religion, but when I started going to college, i just slowly stopped going to church, claiming that I had to study, and stuff, and now she only eventually ask me to go to church, and not in a imperative way.

Anyway, good luck.

 

I've lived in the Middle East for two years (Dubai, specifically) so I'm aware of just how much pressure you're under and it's such a shame (*hug*) You've come to the right place though!

I think the best you can do is go along with your family to pray if they're very insistent, but it's a bit much for them to ask you to limit what you do privately in your own room; provided it's not hurting anyone, you should be free to think and masturbate how you like. If you do start pushing away thoughts that come naturally to you, you will be placing excessive amounts of mental stress on yourself to fight them.

Are you expected to go to University or college? If so, take a chance and go somewhere in the world with that when the time comes

Do feel free to post on my wall or send me a private message if you want to talk, I'm always happy to chat Welcome to EC (*hug*)

 

Salam rafeeq aziz =) call me jim, chakerim

Being taught to believe that homosexuality is wrong is certainly a lie. For now, you're still very young, you may feel trapped... Shoma koja zendegi mikonid? Do you live in Iran now or elsewhere? I don't know enough about what life is like in Iran nowadays to really give you much useful advice except that your parents need not rule your mind, and it is not necessarily dishonest to be true to yourself at the expense of remaining faithful to your parents exact wishes, especially if those wishes go against the way you were born.

Do you have any friends to talk to and support you? That can be a great help if the people you live with don't support the way you wish to live your life.

khosh bashi my friend =)

Bebakhshid! Man bayad farsi ro bishtar tamrin konam.

 

hi mate

it must be very tough. i lived in iran for a few years, a couple of years ago, and i understand, to some extent, the pressures you must be under. it must be really tough, but it is not insurmountable. i know gay guys from iran, even from yemen. one of them regards himself as a strict muslim and observes ramadan, doesn't drink etc etc.

i came out when i was 29. i had quite religious (christian) parents (not as religious as yours) and i just made do with girls. but i wish i had had the guts to come out earlier.

the fact that you can be open about your sexuality aged 18 means that i am sure that you will one day come out to them. the question is when. you could do it when you are 40, you could do it when you are 20. but i am sure it will happen one day.

if you are living at home you might feel that now is not right and you want to wait until you have some space, and indeed that they have some space. alternatively you may feel like coming out to your mum but not your dad (though she may tell him).

like pseudojim says, i would try to talk to friends. that was easily the best thing for me when i came out 4 years ago. they don't have to be gay, though obviously that can help. why don't you try ringing a GLBT support line or visiting a support centre and seeing if they know any gay muslims you can talk to?

at the end of the day you are your parents' son and whether they like it or not i would suggest its very likely that their feelings for you will override almost all their religious convictions. that may not be immediately visible and it doesn't mean they wont try to change you, but if you are firm with them about the fact that this is a part of you that is not changeable, that they are going to have to deal with, and that is not subject to negotiation, then i think that would help.

finally dealing with your faith and your sexuality all in one go is a pretty big ask. maybe you need to work one out before the other. i'm not sure what the answer is, i guess there isn't an 'answer'. but i think that given your background you are brave to come on here and to think about it in your own mind and i am sure that when it comes to the right time to do it, you will be brave about telling your parents. this might be later rather than sooner, or sooner rather than later, you are the best judge of that.

 

If you are in Iran, Uganda or some other countries over there in the Middle East and Africa... you could get killed. Either get the hell out of there, or play along until you can get out of there.

If you are in a country where you cannot be killed for being gay... You could still choose to play along for now, for the sake of peace, or you could try to gently explain that praying won't change you. Or maybe you could compromise? Say you won't watch porn, but that you will only pray once or twice a day... or say you will pray five times a day, but ask them to accept that prayer will not change you. Compromise sometimes works because it shows parents that you are willing to listen.

It all depends on how extreme your family is. If they are moderate, it might be easier to reason with them.

As for being trapped in a lie... your parent cannot know what you are praying for or thinking. If you have to pray, pray for their compassion and for them to be understanding of you. Ask Allah (or any deity of your choice, they can't tell who you're praying to either!) to send them love, mercy and the willingness to accept you. You might not like praying, but if you have to pray, do it on your terms and pray for what you want your life to be like.

 

"persianhomo"

You must live in Iran. I concur when we say you got to get the hell out of there. Move to a more progressive country like the UK or the US once you finally pinch enough pennies.