how do i come out to a group of homophobic church friends?

The only thing you can do is be open and true with who you are. They will either accept it or not. People should be friends with you because they enjoy your personality and have things in common with you. They shouldn't be friends or not be friends with you based on your sexuality. If they cannot come to terms to accepting it then they are the ones with the problem, not you. I would just go about saying it to them if you're comfortable. It seems like the the easiest way.

 

I'm kinda in the same position, every Wednesday I go to a guys' small group at church, and they always talk bad about gays.

 

Honestly, do what's right for you. If your friends accept you, that's great! If they do not accept you, then they really aren't your friends, since friends are people who love & support each other no matter what. What I've never understood are people who are religious, believe in a faith that preaches love & tolerance, yet at the same time, preaches prejudice & fear against groups of people. How is it possible to believe in both of those things? As far as I'mm concerned, if your friends are religious, they should choose love & acceptance over the homophobic doctrine of the church. Like I said, just do what feels right & what's best for you. All you can ask is that you're true to yourself, what other people feel is their responsibility, not yours.

 

Try to tell them in a way that is not a big deal. Like try to slip in into a conversation. That's what I did with some of my friends that I thought would not take it well. Also, make sure that you have a way out in case they do not take it well.

Just be mentally prepared for the worst, it's always better to be safe then sorry. I always prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

 

Really, there's no magic formula for coming out to people who might be homophobic. The only thing you really can do is tell them, and then answer their questions. If they are true friends, they'll either not care too much or promise to pray for you, but still accept you for who you are. If they aren't real friends, they'll reject you, and you wouldn't want to be hanging around with them anyways. You can't control other people's reactions, you can only control how you respond, so know what will be cause to stay and what will be cause to go (example: If they start bashing you leave immediately. If they start trying to quote Scripture at you to "make you see the error of your choice" you can either attempt to tell your side, or leave immediately again.)

However/whenever you decide to come out, be ready for anything. It's not easy to take that step, but once it is taken, things change (usually for the better).

 

I would just not be friends with bigots. Telling people you're queer will definitely cull those from the friend herd.

Everyone else will eventually come around.

 

I think sometimes people accept what they're told because they haven't actually met someone that they know is gay, so there's no reason to question it. I know I live in the Bible belt and all, but I didn't meet someone I knew was a lesbian until I was 20 years old. It was an eye-opening experience. She was just a normal person, and she didn't leer at me or try to pick me up (which would have been awkward anyhow, as she was in her sixties and in a LTR...) It made me start thinking that maybe GLBT people weren't what I had been taught. It may be that your friends are the same way, and if you tell them, they'll realize "Hey, maybe those stereotypes are wrong, because my good buddy is gay, and he's not like that..."

 

I'd suggest you mention it when the mood of conversation is light and of course try to be as graceful as possible in working it in, being Bi probably has no reasonable place in a conversation about kitchen appliances for instance.

By doing this people you tell will feel more self-conscious about negative reactions and be less willing to break out the fire and brimstone straight away.

In my limited experience, there tend to be two main classes of reaction.

Some people will try to find ways for you to be "one of the good ones". e.g. "Well you're sinning but you're in the right church" or "but you don't act like those *insert f'ed up stereotype here*".

Others will be horrified that they allowed themselves to be fooled and immediately try to brow beat you with their misconceptions and their faith.

Over time, patience, acceptance and understanding on you're part can turn a (usually small) percentage of people from either group into confidants and allies who honestly accept you as a person.

Ultimately I'd advise having a small support group to fall back on before you go for a public debut, perhaps 1 or 2 close friends. If these church people are your closest friends in the world, then I suggest you make contact with a local lgbt group just to have someplace to go if the very worst happens and they stop talking to you all together.

Don't rush yourself and only make the moves you're ready for, good luck.

 

When I came out to my sis, bro and two friends (all of whom go to church every week) everyone says they still love me and still want to hang out with me. Well my sister kicked me out of awanas because I refused I refused to change who I am. Then we got into a big talk that I am choosing this life of sin and she could never condone it.

You will be hurt by some people, that is a given, but what you have to do is refuse to back down. Stay true to who you are and keep telling them that you have always been this way. They will understand that you won't change and should still want to be friends.

 

+1

in my opinion i wouldnt come out at all, as long as you know who you are and are comfortable with that, then theres no reason to out yourself to religious conservatives would would do more harm to you than anything else