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Sexual experience in the opposite sex, is it the answer?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kunglaomksm, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. kunglaomksm

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    I remembered something when I came out to my dad and we had the father-son talk. He told me that maybe I'm confused and I needed to have sexual encounter with a girl(he even planned on hooking me up) but at the end he kinda understand me that I'm 100% gay.

    I'm just curious, how do we know if we are really gay if we don't even know what it's like to have sex with the opposite sex? I mean I even consider myself 100% gay now and I don't even know what it's like on the opposite side. What if I experimented and do the did with a girl, will it lessen my 100% accuracy of my sexuality? And why do I feel that if a 'straight' guy experimented with another guy, there is more probability that he will realize he's bisexual or something?

    Note: My 100% accuracy of my sexuality is based on what arouses me since I don't have any experience yet. Sure I'm still aroused with naked women but that is just because they're naked and nothing else.
     
  2. Aya McCabre

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    People know they are straight because they have no desire to have a sexual encounter with someone of the same gender..... and no one questions that. It works the same way for everyone.
    So if someone gets on your nerves telling you that then ask them how they know they're straight and when they had a same-sex encounter to confirm it. It has the potential to backfire, but it's worth it for the look on peoples faces when it works.
     
  3. Gp3

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    I'm in the same boat. I don't think I'm going to completely commit to being gay straight or bi until iv done something with a girl and a guy. Even then, part if me feels like I should just live life loving whoever I want and not trying to put a label on my sexuality
     
  4. Steve712

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    It is not necessary to experiment with the opposite sex to know. It's an element of denial or pressure, usually, that makes people think it's so. Resist it. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lexington

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    Aya's got the answer. Nobody seems to think straight people need to have sex with the same gender to verify their straightness. They seem to accept that one can just "know" that they're straight. By the same token, many gay people just "know" that they're gay. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. EM68

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    I don't think its necessary to sleep with the opposite sex to know whether on not you are gay or not. Like a previous post has said a straight guy or girl won't sleep with the same sex to see if they are straight. It's the same thing with someone who knows that they are gay. For me, I was never attracted to women. I never wanted to sleep with a woman. I was just not interested.

    You might be be just aroused by the idea of sex. You need to ask yourself if you are aroused by a man or woman or just the idea of 'doing it'. If you can answer this then you may know if you are gay, straight or bi.
     
  7. Undecided John

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    Well, there are some species of monkeys and other animals who have homosexual sex, but are in no way exclusive homosexual, it's more a social thing. (there are species where the homosexual relationships are 'exclusive', though). Of course, we are no monkeys, but that makes me wonder how much of our sexual orientation, and the whole idea of gender, is "natural" and how much is just a social construct.
     
  8. Mogget

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    I don't need to know whether I'm 100% gay. It just isn't that important to me. I know I like guys and see no need to prove it by having sex with a woman. On the same token, I feel no need to prove my gayness by not having sex with a woman. Were the opportunity to arise (especially if I'd fallen in love with her*), I'd probably go through with it.

    *I'm biromantic
     
  9. sanguine

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    i am in the same current situation also kunglaomskm, i came out to my parents not long ago and my dad thinks that i am confused and all i needed was to find a girlfriend to get rid of being confused.

    i dont find women attractive sexually at all, no amount of fantasizing about women will ever get me stimulated at all, and you should be asking your self the same questions.
     
  10. Zontar

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    I like to use what I call the "bed test." Picture yourself naked in bed with the opposite sex.

    If you get a boner/wet, you're bi.

    If you puke, you're gay. =p

    I personally wouldn't puke, so I can't rule out the ladies.
     
  11. kunglaomksm

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    I tried looking to lesbian sex once to try myself if I get aroused. Well I did get a boner(I realized that naked people, boy or girl, gives me a boner heck even two guys kissing gave me a boner) but when I saw the genital parts it made me um... cringe :confused:. Guess that proves I'm really gay :icon_bigg.
     
  12. Jim1454

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    I know you're kidding, but the fact of the matter is that I was married for 9 years to a woman and we had sex often. I never found it unpleasant. However, when I was alone I would fantasize about men exclusively. And now that I've come to accept that I'm gay, I have absolutely no interest in women. I consider myself to be gay, even though I had a 9 year relationship with a woman.
     
  13. Filip

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    Well, why should being gay be about sex in the first place?
    I mean: I do think I'd like one day to try sex, but I think that even if I'd never have sex, even if I'd never have a boyfriend, I'd still be gay.

    Because, while I have no experience with either gender sexually, I do have a lot of experience hanging out with guys and girls.

    While the girls rarely (I wouldn't say never) do anything for me, there is the occasional guy that gave me butterflies in my stomach. Whom I could imagine wanting to spend every possible waking moment with. Who just "did it" for me, in ways that no girl ever did.

    That's all valid experience. I'd say even more relevant than who put tab a into slot B and whether you reached orgasm during that.
     
  14. Sharkattack2222

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    would a guy have to be straight or bi to recieve pleasure from a woman and actually enjoy it?

    OR is it possible for gay guys to hook up with girls (everything except intercourse) and enjoy it (or atleast be able to keep a boner)?


    I'm hoping this is the case for someone I know<3 Still not over my ex hehe<3
     
    #14 Sharkattack2222, Oct 7, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  15. needshelp

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    well, do you a strong desire to be with the opposite sex as in go to bed with them, cuddle them, go out on a date, get real infatuated with them where you think about them, you see a girl that makes you go :icon_redf, you want to have passionate, meaningful sex with them as in connect with on a deeper level, have thoughts about being in a relationship with them, etc? if you are so, then you might be straight or bi. you should apply how you feel about the same sex with the opposite sex if you think you're straight. you can have sex with a woman, masturbate to a woman, etc, that still doesn't make you any less gayer than someone that doesn't. last night, i masturbated to a woman, got off real good to her but in reality, i don't think i would want to get in a relationship or even have sex with her. it's about how you feel.
     
    #15 needshelp, Oct 7, 2011
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  16. Sharkattack2222

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    I was just wondering cause my exbf and I were "doing it" (being polite<3) for 10 months and he said he loved me and everything and he assured himself that after being with me, he knew he was gay. He had been with 2 girls before dating me though (he had also been with a guy before me though aswell, he used to hookup with a neighbor when they were younger and did everything except intercourse) . As far as the girls, 1 was just a one time hookup when he was drunk and he was blackout drunk and they had intercourse. He never spoke to her afterwards and they went seperate ways. The 2nd was his best friend and they were friends with benefits but they never had intercourse, only her doing stuff to him and not so much him doing stuff to her because "he didnt like it".

    He broke up with me because he was confused about his sexuality and thinks he is straight (him saying this after his family started questioning him about girlfriends apparently.. [we were in a secret relationship and both of us were in the closet] ) and than almost immediately started dating his other girl best friend who started to flirt with him and show feelings for him.

    He hasnt talked to me since (aside from trying to add me on facebook when he noticed that my friend and i started "dating" on facebook)

    Im sorry for complaining but it just sucks so much feeling like im not good enough or that I did something wrong. I keep forcing myself to believe that he is just in denial and worried what other people will think since he is still in highschool. How can someone that "loves you" just lose all their feelings overnight practically and start dating someone else and showing them all those same feelings immediately. Its hard to get over someone when he's making it seem like our relationship meant nothing and didnt exist and basically cut me out of his life when I did nothing wrong. If he is "straight", can't we still be friends atleast?

    /rant. Sorry
     
    #16 Sharkattack2222, Oct 7, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2011
  17. needshelp

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    he's in denial mode. that's the thing. he's still in the closet but he hasn't accepted himself for who he is yet.
     
  18. crazyhead

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    To me, your sexual activity doesn't have anything to do with your orientation. I'm pretty sure that most 100% straight guys don't need to have sex with guys to know that they don't like it. To me, it's as simple as, "Are you interested?" "no." End of story. I have zero interest in having sex with the opposite sex, and so, I'm not straight... I don't need to do surgery to know I'm not a doctor.
     
  19. Mad Man L

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    No. As long as the man is having someone 'please' him down there, generally they will get a boner - arousal is something you can't control. It is possible for most gay guys, because most gay guys aren't Kinsey 6 "I'd-rather-die-than-see-vaginas" penis-loving kind of people.

    I hate the question about needing 'same-sex experience', the fact I fell for a guy I think is enough confirmation for me right now. Sex with both genders crosses my mind and I find that both genders are hot, and I've fallen for at least one person of either gender.

    Also: Your ex-BF is in denial. If you've had sex (while sober), it's pretty obvious he likes men.
     
  20. J Snow

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    I know its not necessary, but I'm kind of like the OP in that even though I self-identify as gay, I still question it having not tried sex with a girl. I still find girls pretty and all that jazz, I just don't find them quite as much when their naked, and am pretty much entirely bottom with my bf, so I don't know if I would function well with a woman.

    I feel like if she gave me head I'd just be jealous the whole time :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: