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How do I tell a girl Im not interested because Im gay without telling them?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by behind glass, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. behind glass

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    I kinda have a problem because lately a few girls have asked me if I would ever be interested in going out with them and I have to say no because I don't want to lie to them, then they ask why and I don't know how to answer that because they don't know I'm gay and I don't really want to tell them I am because I'm not ready to come out to them, every time they ask and I say no I feel bad I don't know what I should do about this?
     
  2. Fugs

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    Well, don't do what I did and say you don't find her attractive. Just say that you are sorry, but you aren't interested in a relationship right now. she'll understand.
     
  3. Lexington

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    I'm assuming not EVERY straight guy on the planet is interested in dating one of these girls. What would a straight guy who isn't interested say?

    "Would you like to go out sometime?"
    "No, I don't think I'm interested."
    "Why not?"
    "Um...because I'm not interested?"

    Lex
     
  4. sanguine

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    i had the same problem through out high school aswell, especially when this girl confessed that she was in love with me also, what i did was showed her the respect she deserved instead of treating her like trash or anything, ignoring is not the key, just tell the girls straight up that you dont want to go out, if they ask you why just say you have never really gotten the whole dating thing, and that only people who want to be "cool" or popular date and that your not into the attention that comes with it, if they say dont worry, just say you feel like your too young to date or something.
     
  5. behind glass

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    Well I've tried to tell them that I'm not interested but they always want to know why and then I say that they are not my type and then they want to know what my type is. Three of these girls in particular have had a crush on me for a while now. I can't really say that I feel that I'm too young to date because before I realized I was completely gay and not just bi I had girlfriends.
     
  6. sanguine

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    ok just reinforce the fact that you dont really get the whole "dating thing" and use the fact that your other failed relationships were just more like hanging out and talking and nothing special, if they pester on, tell them you cant force yourself to like them in teerms of being their boyfriend, like lexington suggested
     
  7. RaeofLite

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    "You're not my type."
    "How do you know? You hardly know me."
    "I just do." *firm and with a smile*
     
  8. seeksanctuary

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    o_x Sounds like they might suspect you're not interested in girls and are just trying to pry it out of you.

    I would just say something like...

    "Would you like to go out?"
    "No thank you, I'm not interested."
    "Why not?"
    "I'm focusing on school right now, and I feel dating would distract me from that."

    If they press it, just keep saying (calmly) that dating isn't something you're interested in at this time. That should be good enough for most people.
     
  9. BenKent

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    I would say when situtations like this arose for me in school, the best way to deal with it without coming out is just to let them know that you appreciate the interest, but like you said, 'at this moment' the whole dating and relationship stuff is just not in your plans. If they really become that upset by a calm answer such as that then really there was probably not much more you could have accomplished.
     
  10. malachite

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    Tell her you like someone else
     
  11. Sculpture21

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    I had a friend with the same problem in high school he told girls that he was seeing some one from another school near by …most districts have multiple schools both public or private , so it was an easy lie... ( his fake “girl friend’ went to a religious school and wasn’t supposed to date so he didn’t advertise much about her )

    .....then his senior year , he told people he was dating a girl who was in college.

    Also if you have any friends who are lesbians ( who aren’t out) … you could always pretend to shift your attentions towards her….just to get people off your back….

    I don’t think these are the best solutions but they are another option……

    Hope it all works out ….High School can really suck but school after is much better!
     
  12. Lexington

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    >>>Tell her you like someone else

    Bad idea, simply because it always seems to lead to them asking "Who is it?" And that's probably not a path you need to go down. :slight_smile:

    I'd just stick with the simple answer. "I'm just not interested in going out with you." If they ask "Why?", stick with "Because I'm not interested in you."

    Lex
     
  13. Mad Man L

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    Lex is correct. They can't argue with the 'Not attracted' argument. If you really REALLY want, you can tell them you don't decide who you're attracted to so there's nothing they can do to increase their chances.

    Don't go down the path of saying you like someone else, people will guess and drag out the issue to no end.
     
  14. Gallatin

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    Yeah, I definitely agree with the "not interested" line. I've always told girls that I care about them and like them, but only as much as a friend does, and that there's nothing else there. It's always been pretty successful.