So I have been getting closer and closer to the point of coming out to my parents/siblings. However, I am having trouble identifying what about telling them worries me so much. I know that my family will be unbelievably supportive. And although minor/subtle things may change at the beginning, i know i will not have to fight any of them too hard and in the long-run things will go back to normal. Yet i am still so scared to come out. I think that I have built this moment up so much in my head and I have spent so many years agonizing over being gay and struggling with coming to terms with it .. that a simple "its ok, we dont care" response from my parents would almost be disappointing. I know that i sound completely ridiculous right now, as there are many people on this forum that would do anything to hear that from their parents. But its this odd feeling i have and i just wanted to express it. I almost feel like if they were to struggle with the concept, like i did, it would justify/show to them just how difficult the journey is. But them being ok with it almost undermines the struggle i had with being gay. Idk if that makes sense. A separate yet similar issue is .. do you think its ok to come out to your parents/friends if you are not fully comfortable with being gay yourself? I still dont know if i can be in real relationship with a guy (i know i will eventually get there but i am not there right now) and i just wonder if still being in that state would send the wrong message to those i come out too? Like i am not ok with being gay or i am weak, etc? I am 100% there on an intellectual level but probably only 65% there emotionally. Please let me know if anyone has ever had any of these thoughts/feelings. Thanks
you have to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, your upbringing and the social pressure lead you into thinking that all of the above about being gay is seen as inferior, wrong, and sinful. you really have to ask yourself if you will ever see yourself with a man or a women, then finally accept who you are with no regrets or shame i wish i had that kind of family who would be unbelievably supportive but i dont, and i still came out anyways because they are my family and they wouldnt cast me away like i was worthless trash so give yourself time, because it sounds like you havent accept who you are yet, you have to realise you must love yourself before you can love anyone else
Yes, I experienced those feelings about coming out to my parents. I was incredibly scared/nervous/distressed about telling them - despite the fact that they're both pretty open minded and liberal people who had never said a bad word about gay people before. I think for me, it was more that I was afraid of destroying some of their dreams for me than me being afraid of them knowing my sexuality. Of course, I wasn't really destroying their dreams - only altering some of them. I understand what you're saying about how you'd almost rather them make a big deal of it, but believe me, the more anti-climactic, the better. I was a bit like you - I thought a little drama would be good, considering how I had struggled with my sexuality for seven years. However, it was a much better experience with my dad, who was incredibly accepting right off the bat, than my mom, who freaked out somewhat and still isn't that accepting or supportive. And as far as being completely comfortable with yourself before coming out, I would say that while it's not a necessity, I would highly recommend it. From my own experiences, I know it makes it a lot easier. I probably came out to the first person I told (one of my best friends) a little too early, and I actually took a few steps backward after I did. I wasn't fully accepting of myself and rushed it a bit. Now when I came out to my parents about a month ago, I was much more comfortable with myself. And it made it a lot easier. And now, instead of taking steps backwards, I'm moving forward, and in fact just came out to another person the other night. So yeah, it's totally your call, but if you don't feel your really at a good point accepting yourself, then don't rush it. Hope something I said helps!
I can imagine how you're feeling, but as the above post suggests, less drama is better. I also think it's OK to come out to your parents when you're not 100% OK with it. Your parents should be aware that this is bothering you, and be there to support you and provide you with whatever help you might need. So feel free to tell then, and let them know that it's been bothering you for a while, and that it still bothers you to some extent. That's OK. Be prepared to have to bring up the topic yourself though later. Quite often people don't know what to say in response to you coming out. And they don't know how to bring up the topic again - much like we struggle to bring it up the first time when we come out. So you might have to be the one to bring it up again... "So... you know how I told you I was gay 3 weeks ago? I wouldn't mind talking about what you think about it - seeing as how you haven't said anything about it since." That was my experience with my parents - only they went for 3 months without bringing it up again.
