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Want to come out, but worried about sis and homophobe dad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Andane, Sep 28, 2011.

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  1. Andane

    Andane
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    So yeah, since I came to terms with myself about a year ago I've slowly been working through some of my issues with being gay. I even came out to my closest friend a couple weeks ago (though it hasn't been mentioned since, which is kind of stressful, seeing as how I could really use his support). But yeah, my dad is a huge homophobe, along with his entire side of the family. I've learned to just kind of brush off the things he says, but I feel like he's the reason I don't feel I can tell anyone else. You see, my sister is a year below me in school, and knows a lot of my friends. Now, I'm sure most of my friends would be accepting and supportive, and I would like to come out to them finally, but I'm afraid it would get out, and my sis would hear about it. While she is supportive of gay poeple, she and I can be pretty argumentative, and I'm sure if she knew she'd have no qualms about using it against me by telling my family if I pissed her off, and as much as I would love to be able to confide in my friends, I can't risk my dad finding out. It's really tearing me up inside having to bottle everything up, so I could really use my friends' support, but I'm just so afraid of being outed. I suppose I could really stress the importance of keeping it under wraps if I told my friends, but inevitably I'll have to face my dad either way, and I just don't know how I can do that seeing as how vehemently opposed he is to anything remotely gay.
     
    #1 Andane, Sep 28, 2011
  2. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    Its definitely a hard situation to be in.

    Do you know if there is a LGBT group or a LGBT center around you area? Making new friends can be a good alternative in order to get the support that you are looking for and still waiting to tell your dad.

    Also, since your sis is supportive of gay people, there is a chance that your sis will understand the importance of keeping things a secret. Have you ever talked to her about it or hinted at it?
     
    #2 TheEdend, Sep 29, 2011
  3. Jim1454

    Jim1454
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    Before coming out to more people - which you say might be problematic - circle back with the one friend that you did come out to. Let them know that you'd really like to talk more about this - if they're OK with it. They just might not know what to say - so if you bring it up again if would be easier for them to talk to you about it.
     
    #3 Jim1454, Sep 29, 2011
  4. maverick

    maverick
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    You need a friend-based support network whom you KNOW accepts you for being gay before you come out to family. That way, even in the worst case scenario, your ass is still covered.

    I'm speaking from personal experience, since I was disowned when I came out. My parents eventually got over it (took my dad about a week) but in comparison it took my mom half a year. That was six months of her basically not speaking to me, crying all the time, giving me hateful looks, the whole nine yards. You'd have thought I murdered her kid or something.

    If your family is truly homophobic, I'd wait until you have some financial independence before coming out to them. That way, if they put you out, you can still take care of yourself without feeling completely helpless and hopeless.
     
    #4 maverick, Sep 29, 2011
  5. Andane

    Andane
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    Well, thanks for the advice. It sucks, but there isn't any center for LGBT people in my town. I suppose I should try talking to my friend again. He's fine with it, but it seems if I ever try to hint at the subject or try and bring it up, he always changes the topic, and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I guess I could just try being a bit more direct next time =P
     
    #5 Andane, Sep 29, 2011
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