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traitor on gay hill

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sculpture21, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. Sculpture21

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    :icon_sad: I feel in a way a traitor for not talking to the people around me about my ’ sexual identity issues” ….
    Almost all my friends are gay or bisexual and for some reason I’m more scared to come out to them then any one else ….My "troubles" are something I never bring up because I’m supposed to fulfill the role as the

    ‘ fluffy , peppy , understanding , straight side kick , who every one talks to about there life troubles ”
    Non of my friends, even the ones I’ve had for years has even ask me If I’m straight or not ….( and half of them came out to me before any one else :confused: )

    I don’t want peoples view of me to change or to think I’m a hypocrite because I’m always encouraging people to ’come out / be your self and all that jazz …..I’m also worried that things will change with all my Lesbian friends …….

    Its just a lonely place to be because there all apart of this tight knit community at my university and even though I hang out with them I’m very much an outsider . Its like I don’t want to be labeled a lesbian or what not but when they all point out how ‘straight I am “ that hurts even more …..

    Is this just silly ?? :eusa_liar
     
  2. adam88

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    Is there one particular friend you'd be more comfortable talking to? They're all queer as you say, I'm sure most of them (if not all) understand how you're feeling. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Filip

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    Well, it's never too late! If you want living proof, just look at me!

    When I was 17, a good friend came out to me. I didn't really take it all that well at first, even giving him some derision at first. The friendship survived that and over the next 7 (yes, 7) years, I spent every other weekend hanging out with him. In which we did occasionally bring up the topic of him being gay, with me being supportive and telling him to be open and hope for the best.

    ... and all the wile pretending to be straight. Partially because I was in denial, and partially because it has become a habit, and partially because I thought he'd hate me for being secretive while he trusted me with his secrets.


    But then, one evening over msn, I just couldn't take it, and spilled the beans (or, well, had him drag it out of me).
    And I found out he didn't mind at all! He was immediately supportive and felt for me for having boxed all of that up for years. He noticed the irony only after I pointed it out to him, and then his only reply was: "Well, I've been there and know how hard telling the first one is. So what if it took you some extra time?"


    Okay, it did change things. I was no longer the "straight supportive sidekick", and more the "partner in queerness" (also, he seems to like pretending he's my "gay older brother" as he has 7 more years of gay socialising experience). But that's not a bad place to be. I like it more than when I was still clinging to my closet and quietly dying inside.

    Also, I don't doubt your friends will think you're a traitor. They intimately know the closet too and how hard it is to get out of it.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    We're all different, and we all come out at a different pace. It's not like there's some magic date (i.e. 17.25 years of age) when a bell rings and we're supposed to come out. You didn't 'break the coming out code' by waiting a little longer. It won't matter to them.
     
  5. Messed Up

    Messed Up Guest

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

    You’re not a traitor! Traitor is not even a word to describe you! If you want to come out that is YOUR decision to make- no matter WHEN or WHERE or to WHOM! Don’t be pressured to come out when you are not ready. Don’t come just because your friends are gay or bi. That is YOUR prerogative!
     
  6. Zontar

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    And here I come in expecting another Republican closet case voting down gay marriage.

    Doesn't help that I misread "hill" as "bill."