So I moved to a northeaster big city after college last October. My only method of meeting guys was online dating sites. Long story short I found a guy that was 6 years older than me but we started hanging out and hooking up. The sex was incredible. But cuddling was also amaZing. After meeting up a few times I finally slept over, something id never done. It was uncomfortable the first night. But after that it just felt amazing to hold someone and be held back all night. I'm not out at all and he was ok with that so these meetings were at his place. We only ever played it safe and there was never any complaint about the sex. Well me, being the first time developing feelings, I guess scared him off. He said he wanted to distance himself for a while. And that we couldn't hang out as much as we had been. I was hurt but eventually "let it go". Since then I have missed that comforting feeling of just holding another man and being held and being intimate. And I'm not over him. But he says our maturity levels are different and I'm not immature he's just been through the stage I'm going through. But I don't know what to do because I'm desperate to make that connection to someone to help me grow. And eventually accept my self for being gay. I'm not confident at all in myself looks wise. But these sites online just frustrate me anymore. What else can I do ? Going to a gay bar is out of the question. How does a 25 year old find similar masculine guys ? And good ones ? It's so frustrating because I feel like I will always be alone and never find what I'm seeking.
If you can't accept yourself for being gay, it's going to be difficult for you to date, much less get the "cream of the crop" you're apparently out for. I'd say be single for awhile, learn how to be happy by yourself, and do some self-improvement first before you hit the scene again. If you can't be good company to yourself, you'll never be good company to anyone else. So the first thing you need to do is develop your self-confidence as a SINGLE gay man. Why is going to a gay bar out of the question? (Psst...that's where a lot of the 25 year old gay guys hang out to find each other.)
Well, you say you're in a big city. So maybe there's other options than gay bars and online to explore. Maybe you could look whether there's any local GLBT groups or clubs? Those would be prime spots to go to meet other GLBT people who aren't just there for hooking up, and possibly share some other commonalities. If there's a group focusing on coming out/closeting issues, you might even meet people who are more in the same place in life, and find a way to be more comfortable with yourself without using a romantic partner as a crutch. Even if none of them is dating material (and you shouldn't meet people only if they're potential dates in the first place), you might make some friends. Gay friends have other gay friends and eventually you're liable to meet someone who could be a prospective partner. Being in a big city would also mean that you could be as anonymous as you like, which makes getting over uncomfortableness that much easier!
Hi there and welcome to EC. Put those two posts together and that's what I would say too. There are lots of opportunities to meet other gay men other than at bars. In Toronto there's a social organization called "Out and Out" that organizes outings, card nights, etc. There are also gay sports leagues that you could look into - bowling, softball, etc. But those things all require you to be pretty comfortable about being gay. You need to be able to show up and be OK if there happens to be a coworker there who turns out to be gay. Because how great would that be?!? But you have to be cool with them seeing you there too and finding out you're gay. Is coming out an issue for you? Because you're right to want to have that kind of relationship with someone. It's awesome. Can I also say that sometimes that first crush is pretty intense. The feelings can be really overwhelming, so what you're going through is to some extent a function of the experience itself and not so much a function of the person. So try not to feel too down about him - because it wasn't necessarily him but the emotions that you were feeling for the very first time that you liked so much. Good luck.
i know how you feel. .. but i just try to think that there is someone out there for eveybody, i just gotta be patient. it sucks cuz im the most impatient person i have ever known. lol
