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Nobody believes I'm a lesbian!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BlueSkyiis, Sep 29, 2011.

  1. BlueSkyiis

    BlueSkyiis Guest

    I came out to some family members and they seemed totally fine with it at first. My mom did not have a clue, which kinda makes sense in a way 'cause we're not that close and she has the worst gaydar ever. She eventually accepted it and it was all groovy and I was a happy homo! ^^ Then I start being more open about it and say how this or that girl is so freaking beautiful. And she's like: "Uh-huh..." , looking really blasé. She hasn't accepted it, no one has. They all say I'm confused, which I was, but totally cleared that out eventually, but no, they didn't get it yet. I feel like I'm back to square one. I know I'll have to come out many times to many people in my lifetime. But I never imagined I'd have to come out again and again to the same people! I don't know what to do now. Should I just let them think what they want, and keep being me? The thing is: I feel closeted yet again. I'd like to be free to express my attraction to girls (discretely, but unequivocally) in my own house without worrying if anyone disapproving is around. They could probably believe me more if I got a girlfriend, but I'm not at all ready, and they are even less ready. How can I make them believe me (and accept me!) in a non-forceful way? Could this be a phase or will they deny it forever?

    PS: First post! Yay!! (!)
     
  2. Chandra

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    Welcome! :slight_smile:

    Yes, this is a phase - for them, not you. They are in denial. It's quite common for people to react this way at first, as they start to adjust to the idea of you being different from what they thought you were. Be true to yourself, keep speaking up for yourself, and they will likely come around eventually.
     
  3. jwonder

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    Trying to make other people do something or think a certain way is an exercise in aggravation.

    The truth is that you can only control yourself. So just be you, and if they never accept you, then, in the end, there's really nothing you can do to change that. Try not to allow it to affect you much.

    Yes, they are family, but let me tell you: Nothing is more aggravating than dealing with family -- whether you're gay or straight or anything in between. It's horrible. Everyone on the planet has issues with their family.

    You don't have to prove yourself to them.
     
  4. sanguine

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    im on the same boat blueskyiis, my parents think im confused and that i should atleast try to go out with a girl,but on the plus side atleast they know and you dont have to hide yourself to a big extent, i think my mum worries too much, whether im gonna change our not and i honestly cant be bothered telling her im not, im hoping she gets the message over time
     
  5. WydenEmmie

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    Same here, my mother thinks its a phase as well (I only came out as bi). But I have the confusing thoughts of being a trans on my mind (and my mother's mind as a phase). Though I have no advice but to be yourself and try to maybe find a good, trustworthy friend to talk to, welcome to EC! :smilewave
     
  6. Mad Man L

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    I can understand why your mum would react that way.

    Mostly, people are OK with the idea of homosexuality. But when parents find out their son/daughter actually is LGBT, this is where it gets sticky. For your mum, she's thinking/hoping you're going to follow 'in her footsteps' and be obsessed with men, not women. Also: The 'confused' reasoning is something used by parents when they're in denial.

    Really, all you can do is just keep being who you are and they'll eventually realise they can't change and get through the phase.
     
  7. RaeofLite

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    Most of the parents in our generation and the older generations parents have not been exposed to homosexuality or have been taught that it wasn't natural, and to if not hate it, then at least ignore it. Now that your mother is facing it, she has to deal with something she's likely never thought she would face.

    I've been mostly a tomboy my entire life, and even when I came out my parents thought it was a phase. That's not to say that gender and sexuality are the same, because they most certainly are not. Not all lesbians are tomboys, and not all gay men are feminine.

    I wouldn't wait for your family to be "ready" because they may not ever be ready to accept it, unless they see that you truly are a lesbian and are happiest being yourself. So go out there, be yourself, meet ladies or do your thang and they'll have to catch up and accept you sooner or later if they want to be a part of your life.