Has anyone else here on EC who's transgender found that this is particularly frustrating & stressful. I've started to come out a bit at college now, so far to two profs & one of my fellow classmates, as well as having already come out to three friends & my mum this summer. Every time I came out as trans, I would then also have to come out as being a lesbian as well. I've only ever been emotionally & physically attracted to women my whole life, so that's how I identify myself. I didn't come out to my mum as being a lesbian since it was hard enough to come out as being trans in the first place (& she didn't handle it well, I ended up moving out just so I could escape the awkwardness & frustration I felt, on top of other emotional issues I have with my parents). So even if my parents eventually accept me as their daughter, I have to turn around & tell them at some point as being gay as well. I've also started to venture back into the dating pool (albeit a bit against my will) when two girls I have known for a bt both expressed interest in me. Again, as with my friends, I'm sort of stressing because I really like both of them (I have even been flirting & texting with one of those girls), but I also know I have to be honest with them about who I am, which means I'll have to come out to either or both of these women at some point. It's hard enough for a lot of people to understand the whole transgender thing, but hitting people with a one-two punch of 'I'm female & I'm gay' is, in my mind, a LOT to deal with for one person. Have any of you who ae trans here on EC ever worried about or had this problem too? It seems that trans people have that disadvantage, first having to come out as themselves & their true gender (which theyve always really been anyway), & then having to explain what being trans means, in addition to then trying to explain sexual orientation as well. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Coming out once is stressful enough, but having to do it twice &, even then, having to choose who you come out to twice, is double stressful. How many other people here have felt this?
I've only come out to one friend. It took about an hour of talking but as everything was settling down she asked "So, do you... umm... do you like girls or guys" To which i was kind of taken aback but composed myself and told her i like girls. I'm not attracted to guys at all. She accepted and understood but the main reason i told her first is because i felt as though she would take it best of anyone i know. (she's my best friend and a clinical counseling major). To have to tell my parents I am trans is going to be tough. To tell them I'm trans and i'm a lesbian... damn near impossible? It does depend on the person and how they react to the first though in my opinion. If they take you being transgender well, i would expect them to be ok with you being a lesbian as well. I'm not sure i know aperson who would freak about one and not the other. Hope i helped
I tried to tell a friend once and thought I would ease into the transgender thing by starting off with my orientation. I would not recommend that, I ended up explaining my orientation, being sort of exhausted/stressed since the friend had a ton of questions and then just thinking, "The last thing I wanna do is explain gender identity to them now." And I didn't. Once I go full time and come out more often, I think I'm going to try to explain that orientation and gender identity are separate and therefore anyone of any gender identity can be attracted to anybody. It is a lot to take in but at the same time, my experiences from coming out seem to be that there was a point after which there was ceiling effect to their surprise or in other words, the trans thing was just so unexpected that discovering my orientation didn't seem to matter much to them. Do you have an example of how you have handled the whole double coming out thing with one of your professors or friends?
Yep, first I came out to everyone as gay. Now I have to tell everyone I'm a girl. I think that makes me straight but I'm not sure Sucks a lot and I don't know how I can go through with it again but I'll try my best.
Consensus is to refer to you as straight, out of respect for your true gender identity. However, people like you with an established gay identity before coming out as trans are sometimes not totally comfortable with it. It can be uncomfortable, or even painful, to relinquish an identity that's been an important part of your life, and might feel just as invalidating to you as the opposite would to someone else. (Like all matters to do with language, it is ultimately arbitrary which is used in which circumstances.)
I may be in a similar position. I've never had a relationship - and for the moment I intend to keep things that way - although I must admit, I am really feeling the need for someone.... D: But if I was to have one it would be insanley complicated by the fact that I'm trying to determine whether or not I'm truly transsexual, or some weird kind of bi-gendered, and wrestling with the realisation that as a girl I'm attracted mostly to women, but also men, and as a guy, girls, and possibly guys. So I'm a potential transsexual, bi-sexual / pan-sexual. I just hope I can make up my mind so I don't have to come out three times.
coming out once will be hard enough, twice is even worse, but three times? that's crazy and i know i couldn't do it. I wish you the best of luck figuring everything out. I was in one REALLY serious relationship. I ended up having trouble with it because it caused more thoughts and feelings of being trans to surface. I ended up breaking up with her in hopes that those feeling would subside but that, obviously, did not happen.
The last few days I've really started to feel that I more than likely am trans. However, I don't think I'll ever transition or anything, because coming out as gay was the most insanely difficult thing I've ever done. I'll never be able to come out as trans... I'm feeling kind of depressed about it...
The more you accept your identity, the more courage you'll find to come out to others. It'll be a long and hard-fought process, but I'm sure you'll feel a lot better for having done so.
Tellin my folks im trans was hell enough, but when i told them i was also gay (thought i was then, now leaning more twords bi now that im sorta kinda dating a girl) but anyway, when i told them i like guys they saw this as gope that i was still a sweet little straight girl and that it was all just a phase. My mom still thinks its a phase, but my dads getting cooler about it. but the way i figure it, do them both at once, get it over with, youll have to do it eventually. Its part of who we are, and so a double outing is gonna be part of our lives.
Maybe. I came out to my family over a year ago. I still feel unhappy and unaccepted for being gay. Like, I'm proud of myself, but that only goes so far... Besides, the more I really contemplate it, the more I really realize how much of an issue this is for me, and just how intensely and how often I want to be a girl. But I still don't know if I can say I'm certain I'm trans. I just feel confused and depressed.
