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depression + guilty

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sculpture21, Sep 29, 2011.

  1. Sculpture21

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m worried my depression is getting the best of me …I’m used to playing tug a war with my emotions ….but it just seems to be getting harder to bounce back from a low.......

    I'm at the point that i can't handel it my self any more but the idea of seeking help scars me...... 1. I feel guilty that I struggle with depression 2. The idea of being put on pills to change who I am is terrifying…….

    I feel wrong in so many ways ….but there are so many things in my life to be happy about that I feel selfish + guilty for having these issues.

    It sounds so stereotypical but I’m an artist and art has always been enough to keep me company …to keep the loneliness at bay, my own justifiable isolation ….but now I feel like I’m slowly dieing inside and becoming cold .,,, and that scars me more ….:icon_sad:
     
  2. PerfectInsanity

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    At various points in my life I dealt with depression before I came out. I was aware of the depression, but never really admitted that it was an issue (I guess I'm on the fence about whether or not depression is a clinical "mental illness" for everyone that feels depressed). Until recently I was never one to ask for help in dealing with my emotions/thoughts and I prided myself on being able to weather the various battles with depressed feelings without resorting to counseling or taking pills. BUT, when I finally decided to come out to my best friend I realized that being able to talk to someone about the thoughts I had internalized for so long was probably the best kind of therapy for me. Since then I've come out to some family members and little by little it has helped me to get over *most* of the depression I had felt.

    I think that solutions for dealing with depression are going to be different for everyone, but I believe finding someone to talk to, whether it be a counselor or a close friend, is probably the best way to start coping with your feelings. Bottling thoughts up inside without being able to share your true self with anyone never solves anything. Some people may actually need medication to help with specific conditions, but finding someone to talk to about your innermost thoughts is probably the first option to consider. Coming out is a rough process mentally, but once you are able to release all those pent up emotions/thoughts it really does lessen your burden. Seek out someone that you can trust or that you know has unconditional love for you, that will accept you no matter what. It may seem like there's not anyone that fits the bill at the moment, but the more you look you will realize that there are people who are there for you and that you will be able to connect with on a deep level.

    Hang in there!
     
  3. Mogget

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    Let's talk about pills. First of all, therapists don't prescribe them, psychology and psychiatry are diverging fields and a lot of the psychologists today don't recommend medication. None of my therapists have pushed medication on me.

    That said, I am taking medication. And they haven't changed who I am. Psychiatric medications don't change who a person is. When they were first developed, psychiatric medications were sedatives, they suppressed personality. Now, the medications are far more specialized, they target specific regions of the brain and affect them in specific ways.

    Anti-depressants mostly work by effectively increasing the amount of serotonin in the brain. This does not make the patient happier or wash away their problems and worries. All it does is make happiness an emotion that the patient is more capable of feeling happiness and other positive emotions.

    Depression affects the brain by numbing the emotions and reducing the emotional range that the depressed person can experience. Depression is a mask, it restricts the personality from expressing its full potential. Anti-depressants help to remove the mask of depression.

    Another way to think about it: the mind runs in set patterns of thought. When I was depressed I could recognize many of these patterns, I could even predict what I would think in the next 10-20 minutes based on the thoughts I was having. Anti-depressants break up those thought patterns, but they do not establish new ones. Which means that, absent effort, the mind returns to the original thought pattern. Therapy is the main tool by which new thought patterns can be established.
     
  4. Nollaig20

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    Hello,

    I think we all spend too much time balancing these emotions and trying to hide the fact that we might be a little bit different from everyone else. Well atleast thats the way we feel in our heads. However, I don't believe this is true. You must realise that there is so many people out there willing to help you. The supports there, we are just sometimes too scared to use it. I know I am, recently my depression, I don't even know whether I can call it that.

    Anyway the self hatred I had for myself was bad enough, it just got worse and worse, until the actual point where I couldn't even be happy doing what usually makes me happy. I've never felt so alone, I mean its so daunting and all I wanted to do was be on my own, sometimes I still do. We all get to a point where it just gets too much, where we are tearing ourselves apart inside and the worse thing about it is that we can't even show it because we are in secret and don't want to be questioned. Whether you are gay/bi/straight/confused, the only thing I can suggest which has kind of helped me, is spending more time on this site, talk to a counsellor if you can, which I'm planning on doing so. I understand how hard it can be, its so overbearing its unbelievable. I think you should just try not to over think it, and most importantly, talk to a counsellor, it can only help, plus this is a stranger, they don't know you and whether you decide you are gay/bi/straight at the end of the day, they won't go spreading your secret. Head up my friend. =D My luck is sent your way.

    -- Aiden