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Something always brings me back

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Uniboth, Sep 30, 2011.

  1. Uniboth

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    I've been struggling with a straight crush for nearly a year now. It's quite sad and all, but now it's just annoying.

    About a week ago I thought I was done with it all. My life's been on an upward slope. I'm now seen as an accomplished young gun. I met with important people and was recognized. I was able to finally sleep a full 8 hours again for 2 nights back-to-back (that's a feet for me). I thought I was over it all. But, as you can see, I'm back here complaining about how I'm not over it.

    It took only one conversation (I blame whatsapp!!) for him to reattached all my affections back to his ways. It's so annoying! I'm back to thinking that this guy is flawless again! WTF!!!! I know I'll get over it someday...it just would've been nice if 'someday' was last week when I truly believed that I might have gotten over it - thought I found heaven!!!
     
  2. coastgirl

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    Time....and distance. It just takes time. Or finding someone else to crush on. Those are the only remedies I have found.
     
  3. Chandra

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    I sympathize. When I crush, I crush hard, and it can sometimes last for years. I agree with coastgirl - time and distance away from the person is the best way to get over an unwanted infatuation. Is there a way you can politely but firmly tell this person you won't be in contact with them for a while?
     
  4. Katt

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    AY BRO. I've been in the same postion; wanting someone I can't have. As have we all. :] I have found that a LARGE MAGORITY of the time, the reason we crush so hard is BECAUSE we cant have them, silly right? But it's so true that it's not even funny. The heart want's what the heart wan't! so of course I'm not going to sit here and tell you to get over it.. your heart would roll it's eyes and flare it's nostrils and tell me NO. So what you should do is simply this;

    Let time heal your unsatisfying desire, just as it heals ALL WOUNDS. Time is the universal medicine that they dont teach you about in med school ;] I promise that if you give yourself time, your heart and it's silly tendancy towards the unattainable will tire itself out.

    Good luck sweetheart!
     
  5. Nollaig20

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    Your story kind of reminds me of a situation I use to be in with a girl, I had feelings for her for years and years. Probably if I saw her tomorrow, they would all come fluttering back to me, she'll seem perfect again, and God help anyone that puts her down, even though deep down I know she treats me like shit and plays countless mind games. I know the feeling my friend, although with a guy who's straight, our stories kind of differ. Does he know that you are gay/have feelings for him, do you consider him a crush or where you already good friends? I'm sorry for all these guss of feelings, I know how they are, and they can be very daunting.

    -- Aiden

     
  6. Uniboth

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    I don't want to remind myself of how close we got. Every time I remember, I get to thinking that the dude is some deep closet case like I am.

    I'm a true believer of the the whole time and space thing. Funnily enough, it's been almost 8 months since the last time I saw him. I've tired to cut contacts, but the dude actually got hold of other ways to reach me. I haven't been able to cut contact since, but at least I've been able to avoid all requests to meet up.

    Here's to getting over it soon!!! I'm going places and meeting people. It'd be nice to be out and dating... It's too bad I can't be out. I'm still figuring out how to date a guy while still in the closet.
     
  7. Bosco

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    Yea I can definitely sympathize with you.
    Just tonight I turned head over heels for someone who I had only just managed to stop crushing on. All it took was the slightest hint that he was interested (which i'm sure is just me seeing what i wanted to see) and I've been running that track again.

    Since everyone has already suggested time and distance, I'll try to offer something else.
    Think of the feelings you feel for said person and enjoy them. Take some time and appreciate the way they make you feel on the inside, but at the same time realize that it that's all you'll get.

    It sounds harsh, but focus on the good feelings instead of moping over what you think will never happen. Why make yourself unhappy? : )
     
  8. Uniboth

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    Man...that is harsh...
    Funny but I think time and space has helped me quite a bit. Months ago, after a conversation like the one I spoke of in earlier post would've gotten me down for weeks. What's awesome now is that I don't feel down today...or at least not as insecure as I've been before.

    The insecurities I feel when I think of the dude is overwhelming. I mean, for someone to have that much power over me...it's just wrong. Heh I guess I'm finally seeing reality.
     
  9. Bosco

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    Glad to hear the you're feelin much better today :slight_smile:
    The title of your thread reminds of the gravity by the way.
    Such a beautiful song.
     
  10. Mad Man L

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    You just need to avoid him. Regardless of how hard it may be, block him everywhere. Ignore him. I know with my straight crush I picked apart his behaviour to the point I was convinced he was a closet case, but it won't happen.

    Eventually they'll go away.

    But if you're desperate to stop liking him forever:
    Start an argument.

    That's how I got over my first (female) crush. She was way way way way way (etc.) out of my league. But she was hotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. As it were, I told others on Facebook that I didn't like her. Somehow, that eventually spiralled into a fully-blown shitstorm which made headline news and involved excessive amounts of caps, swearing and the like.

    As a result, I got a B on a test the following day, and I felt like shit for a week afterwards, hence, I hated her for about the rest of the year. And after that, generally you'll hate the person.

    Essentially, you need to associate him with a really really REALLY horrible thought.

    I would however used the spoilered content as a last resort, as I can tell from personal experience, that's never fun for either party.
     
  11. Uniboth

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    It is from gravity...I use a lot of lines from song lyrics in my speech. Guess where I got my screen name?!

    I tried hating. It was bad. The dude apologized and asked me what I want him to do. The resulting guilt I felt was nasty. Avoiding works, but like the title says - something always bring me back.

    So far, like my orientation, acceptance and having an achievable goal works better than anything else I've tried. I know I will get over this guy one day, so the feelings I get between now and one day are just free mental exercise. My goal is to have a 6 digits annual income in 3-5 years, so non-earning related issues that happen between now and 3-5 years are just fillers.

    By the way, have I mentioned how awesome all of you are!!! If I haven't, you peeps are awesome!!!