I want to make my first post something worthwhile, but I'm feeling a little awkward about getting this all started. Came here looking for advice/knowledge on a topic that is still new to me. I mainly just want to read what I can and talk to whomever is willing to have some input. Basically I am 21 and a student. I'm gay and about 6 of my friends know. I found it extremely difficult to come out to them, even when coming out to my friends that were girls. I get completely anxiety ridden and just cannot seem to muster up the courage when the time comes. Coming out to the few of my guy friends was alot more difficult. Thinking that someone I care for and have so many good memories with might just drop me from their life, or just never be able to have the same friendship that we had before makes me horrified of telling the people that I am less close with. Obviously my fear of rejection is holding me back, but it's not just 'rejection' that I fear. I'd like to say I'm brave enough to just be completely out, but I just don't know how to go about this the right way. I live in a house with 5 other guys in college (none of whom know) and I feel like even if 1 person feels wierded out or awkward it will be terrible living there. I would say I'm more 'straight acting' but it almost makes it worse because then I feel like I've basically been lying to all my friends... I'm sure someone understands what I'm going through on this topic... just making comments to reassure everyone that I also 'would tap that' when I'm not interested at all. Or elaborate stories of what I was doing or where I was when I was with my boyfriend. Coming out to my friends was my resolution this year and like a typical college student I am basically procrastinating until the last minute. More so important to me is coming out to my family. The same situation occurs whenever I convince myself that 'today is the day' but when it comes time, I completely succumb to the pressure. I've told my younger sister who basically exploded with glee when I came out to her. This was amazing and I don't know if she realizes how truly happy I was when it happened. Even with the positive reaction I still find myself scared to tell anyone else. My older brother is the athlete/hunter/guy's guy so I basically feel if I tell him it will be awkward for years. I have a bad relationship with my father so to be honest he is not a concern for me at this point in my life. I also need to tell my mom, but I feel like once I tell her it will be no big deal, but then again I don't know so I have yet to find the strength to come out to her. I would really appreciate any advice on anything you feel like I should hear as I have been feeling quite down and out for a few months now. Not being able to be myself around my friends and family after 21 years is becoming tiring and in the worst way. Thanks for any help
i'm going to give you the same advice i gave my straight younger sister when she moved away from home: stop concerning yourself with what other people think of you. be selfish! if you know what you want, go get it. the people that love you will follow and support you along the way... but even if they don't, you know that your own feet won't disappoint you. the people that befriend you will see themselves in you, and you will never be alone. those who love you will more than understand (like your sister!) i didn't come out until i was 25 years old, and when i did, my younger sisters sighed with relief. i'm not going to deny that i lost some friends.... a few thought i was lying and dismissed me. but then i thought, who the fuck needs friends that dismiss who you are??? those were the people that (in retrospect) used me the most, and i most regret bringing them into my life. pretending will only wear you down further. come out, and know that you have people that support and love you no matter what! (that's what we're here for) if you love yourself, then you will be yourself! take care!
Thanks for the kind words, I feel what I'm lacking most is just the confidence in myself to cope with the changes that might occur. But you do make a good point... the changes may be alot more positive then I think. I agree that the friends I'd lose were the ones not worthwhile, but I just hope its not the ones who actually mean something to me. Thanks again, I'm hoping more feedback will help me gain some confidence and more knowledge on what to expect.
@ BenKent -- first off, welcome to EC. You really shouldn't care what people think. It's true that your real friends will support you no matter what. Same with your family. Sure it might take some time getting used to this, but in the end it will be worth it being true to yourself. When I came out, not everyone approved. I had some really religious friends who just kind of placed it out of their minds and never really thought of me the same way which was disappointing for me, but I'm better off without people like that. It's great that you've already come out to your younger sister. Maybe your mom would be a good next choice followed by your brother. Take it one step at a time, there's no rush and no deadline to come out by.
So two more people off the list, another friend, and then a co-worker. May seem insignificant but I'm doing my best haha.
