Hi there. I'm new here and I joined because I'd like to get some advice from some of you guys on my coming out woes. I'm a 17-years-old and in my second-last year of school in an all-boys high school (which, despite what others say, it’s quite homophobic). I knew I was attracted to guys when I was fifteen, but I was so frightened by it that I became depressed, almost to the point I contemplated suicide. It got better overtime once I did research on the subject and realized it wasn’t as bad as it appeared, but I was still too scared of what others would say if they knew, especially my parents. Luckily for me, I met a guy in my school who also happens to be gay and we’re best friends now (though not in a relationship; we’re not each other’s type). I did eventually come out to about three others, which has been positive so far. However, it’s really bothering me that I’m keeping this secret, especially from my parents, but I cannot help it. My primary problem is that I’m unsure on my mother’s opinions on homosexuality. I tried to bring it up once and she just said, “It’s just one of those things.” I really don’t know what to make of that. However, she’s accepting of my gay friend and is friendly to an old teacher of mine who is gay himself (he’s friends with a family member as well). However, when she first asked me if my friend is gay, she seemed rather perturbed by the idea (because my friend is somewhat effeminate), but she seemed fine with it later. I’m unsure of what to make of it. Also I’ve also never had a girlfriend before, so I wonder if she suspects. I have two older sisters and I think the oldest may be accepting, but the other is a bit religious, so I’m unsure. I guess one of the difficult things is that I don’t really look effeminate enough and I’m not interested in anything considered stereotypically gay, so people can’t just assume. Hell, you can tell just from my user-name that I read H.P. Lovecraft. The thing that angers me most is that a lot of people make such a big deal about homosexuality. I really don’t see the big issue, yet a lot of people make it as if it’s the end of the world. I was thinking that maybe I should come out when I am at university, but I’m relying on my parents to pay for my studies and I’m scared that they may pull away funding for my studies, because I really do want to study further. Am I just over-thinking the situation? Do you think maybe I should come out? Sorry for the rant, but I would appreciate your input and advice. If I was unclear on something please feel free to ask so that I can elaborate. Thank you.
I'm 24 and still trying to figure things out. Don't be hard on yourself or place yourself in any unnecessary difficulties. If you don't think it's the right time to discuss it with your parents, then don't feel pressured to do so. IMO
Well, I will say lots of people come on here with much more ominous stories about homophobic parents and siblings and environment, which you have not really mentioned at all. And those people often still have positive outcomes from their coming out, even if there is some initial uncomfortableness. So I'd say that, from what you've said, you are on pretty solid terrain. Your mom accepts your gay friend and the other friend of the family, and you feel your older sister would be supportive. So that's two candidates for who in the family to open up to. Of course it is up to you and your readiness to come out. But if you're worrying about whether to do it now, or whether to wait until after you are relying on your parents for financial support through university, then that sounds like a five or six year difference. Do you really think you could wait that long?
Hello Cthulhu! It sounds lke you're comfortable with your sexuality, and have things pretty figured out!! That in itself is a blessing. I've dealt with lots of parents of LTGB peoples, and they usually range somewhere from "Sexual Orientation Nazis" to loving, supporting and understanding. From what I've read, your mother definetly falls on the supportive side, which is another big blessing. No matter how your mother feels about homosexuality, you're still her little boy, and if she's anything like my step-mommy, she'll love you forever and always! No matter what your orientation is. I know, however, that it doesn't quite make it any easier. There's always that part in the back of your head that doesnt want anything to change. But the problem with that is, she doesn't have the opportunity to love the true you, because she doesn't know yet. Once you share this with her, and your father, you have an opportunity to redefine the relationship, and be who you really are around the people who really love you. :] Much love sweetie!
OK, thanks. But that's my problem. I'm unsure about how they view homosexuality in general. Even though I know my mom is somewhat liberal, she does have some very conservative ideologies. It may be easy to accept others in the outside world, but what if she doesn't want her own child to be "one of them"? That's what I'm afraid of. The reason I think my sister will be supportive is because she went to a high school designed specifically for arty people, so she has been around many gay people. Thanks you. (*hug*) Although I know my mother is somewhat supportive, as I mentioned above, I'm unsure on how she'd take the news of me being one of them. As I mentioned in my original post, she seemed somewhat perturbed when she asked if my friend is gay and I said that he is. That's what really freaked me out about coming out.
