:bang: My emotions are giving me whiplash , one minute I’m on top of the world the next I’m unbearably sad. I’ve always been the type to box up my emotions but I feel like I’m two different people . when I’m in class I’m this talented artist , who my peers look up to and I’m genuinely happy. I’m the girl who cracks jokes , makes every one smile and cranks up the lady Gaga for random studio dance parties and during this time I feel unstoppable. … But then I’m alone and its like a switch is flipped and I’m so unbelievably lonely and I can’t fill this void. Its like I’ve boxed up all my negative emotions and turned them into this other me. This me that is filled will self hate and struggles with there emotions but there is a wall between the two that I constantly try to maintain. There are many other underlying issues I’m sure but this ‘other person’ is the part of me that also struggles with there sexuality…….. I don’t know why I have such an issue with not being ‘straight’ ….I have so many friends and even family members who are gay whom I love and support , I go to QSA meetings at school and have even been to a few protest for gay related issues. …. Further more I’m part of a family that for the most part would be supportive if I came out….. It kills me because I know compared to most people in this situation I have it pretty easy but I just have all these issues in my head that I can’t or don’t want to deal with , then I feel like I deserve it because its my own fault , its like I’m stopping my self from being happy …..:goodevil:
hmm.. I get this all the time.. I think sometimes this is all environmental/situational. We all have ups and downs of course.. but sometimes you need to balance your ego. You don't need to make everyone smile, go that extra mile all the time. If I could guess, it sounds like you are a perfectionist. I am, also.. so even when its down time, I still feel like I should be perfecting the moment if that makes sense.. I would suggest taking some more time for you, away from your normal circles and focus on the moment. Go on some solo walks, read a book by yourself or cook by yourself. Focus on getting comfortable with yourself.. Try and turn those negative emotions into positive ones. And you are not alone feeling like this.. I need to do the same thing constantly..*sigh* haha
