I am really confused right now. I thought i had come to terms with my sexuality, at least for the most part. I am bisexual, is something i thought i knew. Now, it is something that i'm not so sure about. I feel on a base level, claiming bisexual is just deep seeded denial on my part. I have this little internal monologue that keeps saying, "I'm Gay", which is then ignored and walled off. Even writing this, i feel that another piece of me is not accepting it. Thinking, ok we know you are definitely not strait, but are you really gay? Do you really only like guys? Do really check out girls, or is it your sorry way of trying to cling to something that you never were? Does it really matter to the true person i am? Absolutes are so rare, in anything. No person actually knows anything for certain. Even the scientific method doesn't claim absolute truth, just closer approximation to it. And once again i have made life an existential quandary with no real absolute answers. I guess what i'm getting at is, I Don't Know.I don't know if i'm gay or bisexual. I don't know what to do about it. I just don't know, and on some weird level, i am ok with not knowing. Do i have to know for certain if i'm gay or not? Cant that be something i can come to the closer approximation of knowing over time. I'm not ignoring my feelings for guys or girls. I'm just confused about it all. Guys are confusing. Girls are even more confusing. I Don't Know, and i accept that; doesn't mean i have like it all the time.
I've felt the same way, really frustrated and confused. One of the things that has helped me lately is "pretending" to be gay. Like, doing it for fun just to see if it feels right. And boy does it feel right. Just hearing myself say "I'm gay" out loud and without any reservation is liberating and kind of turns me on. lol
It's fine to take your time with things like this. If you don't mind not being certain then that's good on you Try out different things and soon enough you're bound to work it out. I've just been through a similar thing. I said I was bi, but I've always had something in me saying 'uh, no you're not. You're gay' After a hell of a lot of soul searching I'm pretty confident that I'm gay with very few exeptions as when I think of the future I see myself with a girl instead of a guy. I also agree with DhammaGamer. Testing it out is actually really fun Hope you get your answer x
For the majority of people, "bisexual" is a label that serves as a bridge from identifying as straight to identifying as gay. That most definitely doesn't imply there aren't people who are genuinely bisexual, only that the majority of non-straight individuals eventually identify as gay or lesbian. So the "bisexual" label is often -- but not always -- part of the bargaining process within the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) on the way to fully accepting oneself. Now that I've said that, let me further complicate it: Sexuality isn't trinary, it's a continuum. Kinsey labeled the continuum from 0 to 6, with 0 being straight and 6 being gay. So the trinary labels "gay-bi-straight" are really just labels of convenience. For example, I'm not quite a Kinsey 6, but I still label myself as gay, because that's where I identify. So it sounds to me like, deep down, you have a nagging truth saying "I really am gay, but I'm having a hard time accepting it." And the best you can do is really look at yourself, your actions, your attractions, and your sexual fantasies. Are your masturbation fantasies about guys and girls, or mostly guys? Do you watch gay porn or straight? If straight, do you look at the guys or the girls? When you aren't thinking about it, do your eyes wander toward guys or girls? If the answer to those questions is mostly guys, then you're more likely gay or at the gay side of bi. If it's more evenly split, then you are likely more bisexual. You're totally correct that you don't need to know definitively. And for many people, accepting the "gay" rather than "bisexual" label, if "gay" is what fits, is something that takes time... sometimes months, sometimes years. And that's OK. What's really important is that you're living your life authentically, and with integrity, in a way that makes you happy. And that can mean exploring your feelings, trying out different things to find out what makes you happy. And that's OK.
I felt the same way, and still kinda do. I just understand it either ---------- Post added 2nd Oct 2011 at 01:35 PM ---------- don't*
I don't have any more useful advice than the ones already given, so I'll just gonna add that I know what it feels like, and I don't even fully got the "being bisexual" thing. It's not really a long time since I started to thinking and trying to figure out and accept this, and it's already feels like forever. But, I hope that everyone else here is right, and that I will eventually figure it out, and so should you =D
Yes.. try and think away from labels.. you aren't gay or bi or anything, your just you.. Just like white people aren't entirely white and black people aren't entirely black! Woah I feel poetic
