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I like my Straight best friend...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by teebyrd86, Oct 2, 2011.

  1. teebyrd86

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Centreville,Va/Washington DC Metro
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I know you have all probably heard this senario before: gay guy falls in love with best friend. Well I feel this is a bit different but again I am new to this happeneing so here is my story and any advice would help.

    I met this guy a couple of years ago when I first moved here alone and single; he was one of the first people to bring me into his circle of friends and introduce me to a lot of great people here.. I am very greatful to have met him and he is true friend. I came out to him last year and he was very supportive about it; I stayed up many nights with him on the phone crying about my problems and recently so has he. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years; his first girlfriend. She moved to Colorado for a summer job, ended up staying there and moving in with a guy. He is heart broken but understands that he wont get her back and he feels that she is not to blame saying he took her for granted and regrets it.. I always felt they were more like brother and sister type relationship you know? Anyway they are both great people but at different phases in life and I have done all I can do to help support him and lift his spirits.

    I have been hanging out with him a lot recently; many times just the two of us going to movies and lunch/dinner and like I said he is a true friend, I feel comfortable talking to him about anything and he feels the same way. We both feel very lonely, not really a "feel sorry for yourself" lonely but you know lonely as in wishing we had another person in our life to love. As for me I have dated a few guys here but they are all "bad news", he is all I wanted in a guy. The other night we were talking on the phone and he says "If neither of us find someone ever.. then I better become your type home boy.".. and I responded.. "You are definatly my type but sadly I dont think I am yours" he says "who knows maybe I will have some revelation.. but you are probably right"..

    Do you think he could learn to like me in that way? I mean in time? I dont want to push it because I truly value our friendship and he has been going through a rough time with his breakup and my inentions of being there for him are and have always been because he is my friend but in the back of my mind I have a "thing" for him and I think he knows it.

    Also do straight guys fall in love with guys? I mean if the connection is there? does it matter that the person happens to be a guy?

    Thanks sorry for the rambling!
     
  2. ukeye

    ukeye Guest

    A very common scenario :slight_smile:. You are not alone. I would guess that every single person on this forum has fallen for a close friend!

    I think from what he said, he may just be that little bit curious.. and you being honest with him is great. At least he knows the score, and is obviously comfortable with it. I would say not to push it, but bide your time and be hopeful, because he could well want to try it on. You really don't, and won't know whats going on in his head.. but It sounds as though your friendship is very close.. a close relationship like this is rare.

    I tend to believe that labels aside, people are people. Falling in love with a boy or girl, it shouldn't matter. If it really does get out of control for you and you feel as though you are so in love your about to burst, I would tell him. Say how you feel and be sure to tell him that you know he is vulnerable and you have no expectations, but you feel really bonded to him. Do you hug him or have any affectionate closeness to him.. how does he react at this?
     
  3. Tiny Catastrophe

    Full Member

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    I wouldn't date your best friend if it turns out he isn't as straight as you think. I've been in that situation before with a girl who was "straight except for me" and it didn't end well at all and I ended up losing the friendship. And recently a close friend of mine was in the same situation with the same outcome. I know this isn't what you want to hear but sometimes you have to step back and think "Is it really worth it?" because if it doesn't work out can you handle losing your best friend? Because once you take it to the next step things can't go back to the way they were no matter how much you want them to
     
  4. Uniboth

    Full Member

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    I would be terrified of losing the friendship you have. I don't have that kind of friend, if you add that to the not-out factor...it gets quite lonely.

    Like ukeye said, if it gets too much, you should own up. From the way your post reads, it is likely that you will continue to keep falling deeper for this guy. In my opinion and its a very humble one, to prevent deeper pains, you should talk it out. If he really is the way you describe him, I'm sure he won't mind. Do it the way ukeye said. Whatever his answers may be, it's closure and closure is good for this kind of situation. The other option is to keep going the way you do, but that's painful...you could try to space, but I don't think want that. If you have closure, the crushing might subside and he can remain as a family figure to you.