How to meet other feminine lesbians

I have the same issue. Except, I don't really know for sure if I like girls or not, because I am sexually attracted to men, but I only have emotional feelings for girls. So I'm not exactly sure. But anyway, have you ever tried a dating website? I'm assuming that you are either in highschool or at a university according to your gsa reference, and I know that this generation doesn't really do much with dating sites, but its always worth a try

 

I know what you mean. Not to say I'm exclusively interested I'm feminine lesbians; I'm not. I just feel a bit alone sometimes. Especially in my university's GSA. It kinda of felt like there were the lesbians, and Sara (me) the other lesbian. Not to suggest there was resentment harbored against me, I just felt like the odd one out sometimes. But as you meet more people I'm sure you'll find someone more akin to yourself. Just don't go ruling people out because they're not like you, variety is the spice of life and all that

 

I've also noticed that all the women at my local LGBT are butch lesbians. I also prefer women to be feminine.

 

tell me about it! i wanna meet someone pretty ;P

 

Hey let's not discriminate in our own community. I'm sure butch lesbians have it hard enough as it is, I admire their strength in being able to wear their sexuallity so obvious to society. And besides, I think they're absolutely, ridiculously, gorgeous.
I know this thread is focused on femmes but I thought this was supposed to be a safe place for all gays to be regardless. I understand that we all have different tastes but that's flat out mean.
And I hope I'm not sounding too defensive, I'm just sick of seeing people discrimnate in our own community. We're all in the same boat. But despite that, I can repect everyones opinion

---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2011 at 10:54 AM ----------

And just so I'm not complaining kind off topics lol
I'm very much femme and its so hard trying to find other lesbians because nobody can tell that I am! Even though I live in a more gay community its not like a have 'lesbian' stamped on my forehead! Haha

 

Ah, the gay woman's crisis. The other side gets a shit ton of threads exactly like this all the time. The advice I would give is to befriend those butch girls. Not every gay friend you make needs to be your type. By connecting with other gay women, you'll meet more and more over time through them and might eventually come across one you really like.

 

That's very good advice.

I recently joined a LGBT club that has all kinds of gays in it. I know you said that the one you know of only has butch lesbians, but I would join anyway. Having butch lesbo friends is always a good thing, you don't have to date them or anything, but it will make it more obvious for other femmes that you're gay and those butches might know some other femmes that they could introduce you to.

 

It is discrimination, but of a neutral kind. People tend to forget what discrimination actually means. I can't force myself to like butch lesbians sexually just to be politically correct. I like what I like and I can't change that. I was only describing my situation, not saying anything bad about butch lesbians. They have a style that they enjoy--which is also based in preference--and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I just find them less attractive to me personally.

 

I understand that and I'm not trying to force butch lesbians on anyone. Like I was saying, I know everyone has their prefferences. I'm just saying its really rude and discriminatory when you say 'I want to meet someone pretty' when talking about them and implying that butch girls aren't pretty. Its just not right.

---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2011 at 10:46 PM ----------

And I didn't mean that comment to be directed towards you btw. Lol

 

Sorry I don't have any good advice but I have the same problem. I went to one of my uni's LGBT clubs a few weeks ago and I felt so out of place. Mostly everyone looked more queer than myself and the ones who didn't were still really different from me in other ways. I felt like I stood out and people may have thought I was an ally or curious (based on the fact that I got invited to the event "coming out as an ally" afterwards by one of the members combined with the looks some of them gave me or lack of looks -_-). in conclusion, femme (and qpoc) invisibility sucks, especially when you're a femme who is mostly attracted to other femmes.

 

I struggle with this problem, too. Most people assume I’m straight and, most of the time, I feel uncomfortable correcting that assumption, particularly if, like you said, it’s not relevant to the situation. The problem is, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like to make an obvious statement about your sexual orientation, and you’re looking for someone who also doesn’t like to make an obvious statement, then you’re never going to find each other. You’re probably both assuming the other is straight. In that case, even though it can feel awkward, I think you need to advertize a little so that other feminine lesbians can find you. It could be as simple as putting a rainbow sticker on your laptop or perhaps you could casually mention a book or movie with lesbian characters in a group of people. I know my ears always perk up when I overhear someone talking about something related to being gay. No matter what he or she looks like, I feel like there’s an instant connection and that person instantly seems more approachable. It's similar to how I felt after I got a pet. Pet owners bond very easily. But you have to mention that you have a pet (especially when you own an indoor cat) before anyone will bond with you. You probably won’t want to get involved with everyone who speaks to you, but, chances are, eventually, you will.

Right now, I’m wavering between wanting to stay safe and silent, or speaking up in some fashion and possibly meeting other women like me. But, if/when I do decide to meet people, unfortunately, I know, as a very feminine looking woman, the burden of disclosure will fall on me. I don't think there's a trick to make other women reveal themselves so I can approach them. All I can do is be as obvious as feels comfortable and hope that other people find me.

 

This is why I like being butch. I can (mostly) determine the sexuality of women just based on the way they look at me. I have noticed women are more likely to openly flirt with me just because they don't have to play the "Is she/isn't she?" game.

No disclosure about it. (well, unless you count that whole transgender thing...)

 

and then there's the trouble of you trying to be obvious and people still not picking up on the signs. straight women "flirt" with each other too.

 

I feel for you! Whenever I go out with the LGBT society at uni, I feel like the straight tag-along...only I'm not straight. People take one look at me and assume that because I'm feminine I must be straight. And a lot of them are fairly butch/androgynous as well, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to hang out with them - they're perfectly lovely people! So, when I was faced with that problem, I made a decision that I would not change myself by trying to dress more androgynous or whatever when I was around them. I dress femininely by nature, it's who I am. And there probably are some more feminine lesbians out there in the group who I just have yet to meet. Meanwhile, I'm happy to just have a rave with the ones I know.

Just letting you know - there are more of us femme lesbians that exist, and we're searching for you too, meaning you will meet someone eventually!

 

Totally find the exact same problem- I agree with the earlier comment that the way to find other queer femmes is to hang out with more lesbians; which are probably going to be the butch ones, because those are the ones you notice. It does work though.

 

yes, that will help for sure

 

It seems like my school's GSA is full of gay guys but no lesbians! I mean, some of the girls there might be, but I know most of them and they have boyfriends or they come because they're friends with the gay guys there. One of my male friends in the GSA was actually relieved when he found out I was a pure lesbian because he didn't know anyone that was! Lol, he got all excited and was just gushing with questions to relate to. ^.^;

 

I totally get what you're saying. I have the same problem but I'm not that incredibly femme. I'm just in between so people think I'm a nerdy straight girl. The other day a gay guy said he thought I was the token straight girl of our Gay-Straight Alliance. I was like.... okay? lol.

It's hard to know when a feminine looking girl is gay or straight. Femme girls probably don't know if you are gay so they're afraid to hit on you.

Have you tried going online to a dating site? I agree that hanging out with your butch friends might help you to find more gay girls you're attracted to. Although you might not be attracted to your butch friends, they can be cool people to get to know. And feminine looking lesbians will see you hanging out with your butch friends and assume you're at least okay with gay people. Then they might ask if you're gay and eventually you may have some femme girls hitting on you. :icon_wink

I'm not really attracted to butch girls either so it's tough to find girls I find attractive that I'd be confident enough to hit on or talk to. But I had a crush on one butch girl for a while which was different for me. It could happen, you never know.

I'd try talking to your gay friend to see if he knows anyone too.

 

I am mostly attracted to feminine/androgynously feminine women, and yes, it can be hard to tell when they're queer! I think the best way to find such women is either to go to popular queer hangouts (ex. bars, cafes) or school clubs, but I like you don't quite like my school's queer club because it's so politically focused. I ended up meeting my gf online, which is at least a sure way of knowing the orientation of who you're looking at.

Another really great way is to get to know people through your friends. Maybe you can make friends with some of the out lesbians you know, and through them you could meet people that are less evidently queer. Usually people who are very open about their sexuality tend to have at least a few other queer people in their group of friends (if not more than the average person).