I am not doing well today. I feel like a monster. This is so difficult. I'm at my desk at work trying not to break down crying. I feel like I'm dying. I want to die.
I am here for you! tell me whats wrong? I can see (read) that you are in allot of pain, but you have to tell us more about the whole situation.
I don't know what to do. I'm pretty certain that I'm gay, but who knows. It's all so confusing. I can't keep going on like this. I'm lying to mygirlfriend, and avoiding the situation entirely. I don't want to crush her. She has had to go through so much on my account, particularly regarding our living situation, all under the pretext that it was to improve our lives together. She wants to marry me and have children. I can't handle this. I'm falling apart. I just want to die.
I can see that your frustrated, and I want to help! Empty Closets are here to help and support you what are you feelings around this situation? ---------- Post added 3rd Oct 2011 at 05:45 AM ---------- are you afraid of hurting your girlfriend?
If you died it would not help her, and would probably seriously mess her up for a long time. Much more than if you broke up with her.
What helps me when I'm feeling like this is to take a walk. I just walk until I feel better or until my legs can't carry me any further.
Just hang in there bud. Just drink something to make you relax. We all felt this suicide feeling it's just not you. Please don't do anything stupid. Just sleep it off or cry yourself to sleep and let it all out. Just hang in there. we're here(&&&)(*hug*)
We're here for you! Don't worry, we know it's not easy for you. Just calm down and it will all be okay in the end. You might need to break up with your girlfriend if you know that you don't want to marry her. You don't have to do it today, but in the near future probably. Suicide is not an option, it would be the most selfish thing you could do. Just be honest. Your girlfriend probably cares a lot about you so she will want the best for you as well.
I think we've all felt how you do right now Dhamma, I know its hard to hear, but sometimes you need to be concerned about your own happiness. Staying with your girl friend to make her happy and give her children is just going to make a difficult life for you, her, and the children. Just look at how many threads there are on this board that are people married with children who are coming out at that age. I said this in another thread, but I think you just need some time to be on your own, explore yourself, and determine what will make you happy. As for the mean time, there's no reason you should be considering suicide. Just look at how much the people on here care about you =)
So I called the suicide hotline, and it helped a lot. I ended up breaking down and crying. Kind of ironic but I was hiding in a closet here at work while I was talking to her. I feel better, and I think things are gonna be okay. Thanks for all the support guys. This has just been so hard for me to deal with. Love you all -Travis
Travis - good to hear. Please know, you are not alone! Others here are in the same boat. I AM in the same boat. I live with my girlfriend. I feel like a monster... she expects that we will get married, start a family. It's tough for me to keep going each day, but we have to remind each other, IT WILL GET BETTER. I read the posts from people on this site who have walked this road before. To a person, everyone talks about how difficult this period is, but more importantly, how great things will be once we get to the other side. Look forward to speaking with you more as we both begin to make positive changes in our lives.
Hi Travis, I have been married for a long time and hiding from my wife and everyone else in my life. I came out four months ago and it was really tough. I had been thinking about ending my life and I am so glad I did not do it. There is hope, it will get better. There will be tough times and there will be good times. You have so much to look forward to in life. Keep talking....here and elsewhere. It helped me so much. I went to see a counselor and she helped me a lot. I think maybe it could help you. Think about it. You can send me a message if you want. There is plenty of love around this place. I am throwing a little at you right now. Take care of yourself.
Oh, Im so glad your feeling better! I was worried about you, it may seem like only words... but, really, it does get better we are all in this together. For me at least EC is the LGBT family I never had, and I feel so privileged being a part of this great community. So remember that we are here to help you and support you! (&&&)(*hug*)
