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Liking someone because they're gay? Or because you ACTUALLY like them.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Makaio1, Oct 3, 2011.

  1. Makaio1

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    Hi Guys,

    It's been a while since I posted on here.

    Backstory: I decided this summer that I was to come out of the closet. I am studying in America for a year so decided this would be the perfect base to be able to do this - where noone knew me previously and that I could truly be myself. This has worked well thus far.

    However, I have now got in a slight dilemma. There is this guy who likes me. We know eachother, hang out now and again and have mutual friends. We had a little encounter when I was drunk which involved me finding out he liked me, me kissing him and then walking away. He text me saying that he likes me and I told him that I want to get to know him first but this needs to be done when we're both sober. He agreed.

    Everything was fine until a party last weekend where I was sober and he wasn't. He started making a move on me where I just suddenly froze and kind of blew it off. He just ended up walking away and I felt super awkward. (No-one has EVER said they liked me before, let alone make a move on me. I am a lot more confident when drunk.)

    Now, in hindsight I am starting to like him but I can't tell whether I like him because he is gay or I like him because I genuinely do like him. Does this make sense? Has anyone else felt this before? I don't want to take it any further atm because I don't want to string him along without knowing exactly how I feel. Can anyone offer some advice on how to approach the situation? (Maybe from past experience?)

    (*hug*)
     
  2. RaeofLite

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    Yes. I know how that feels. I have had women like me because I'm interesting in their eyes but I just don't feel the spark. And yet I've had it where i feel something for someone and they don't feel the spark. I've also been fortunate to be in relationships in where we both feel the spark and end up dating.

    If you don't feel the spark, let him know. Or you could always just spend time with him as friends and try and feel if there's any spark there if you're not sure. If you dont' then be upfront with him. Be honest and communicate. Tell him you don't feel the chemistry, but that he's a great guy and you'd like to remain friends. :slight_smile: It happens to straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual relationships.
     
  3. PerfectInsanity

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    When I finally get onto the dating scene, I really hope I'm able to not get drawn into a relationship based only on physical/sexual attraction. I really want to meet someone that I click with on a personal level. Based on the fact I've only met three people in my lifetime that I felt any spark for, I think my search might take a while...I need to get crackin' on that sooner rather than later! It doesn't help that all the guys I've felt a spark with are "straight" (with a twist of gay vibes). *sigh*
     
  4. Filip

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    It makes a lot of sense, actually. and it seems fairly typical for GLBT people in particular.

    I guess it is basic economics: lack of supply artificially increases the demand. While it's easier than it ever was to meet gay people, there still aren't a whole lot of us in any location.
    Meaning that the question "is this guy possible dating material?" is much more acute when two gay people meet compared to straight people meeting. In some cases leading to your mind deciding: "what are the odds of meeting someone better? I'll just settle for this one now I have the chance!".

    An extreme case of this being that almost every gay guy I know (though oddly enough I seem to be an exception to that myself) ended up crushing on the first gay guy they met after coming out to themselves. At that time, this first gay person is 100% of their entire dating pool, so they latch on and refuse to let go.



    If you want to figure out how much you really like him, your best bet would be to follow up on that text to "get to know each other first"
    Don't just wait until one of you gets drunk at the next party, but arrange a meetup in which you'll both be sober. Call it "let's hang out" instead of "going on a date". Find out if you click on hobbies, opinions on all kinds of issues and whether you genuinely look forward to the next meeting once the previous one is past.
    If worst comes to worst, after a few times of hanging out, you'll discover he doesn't really do it for you, but it will be on a better basis than making passes on each other while drunk :wink:
     
  5. Yuya

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    ^ what he says.
     
  6. maverick

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    When pickings are slim, every queer in your general proximity starts looking pretty good.