Hey guys. I am in need of some somewhat urgent advice regarding a budding friendship between another lady and myself. We met via tumblr and somewhat shockingly we clicked really well. It usually takes me a while to warm up to people but when it came to her I felt really comfortable right away and every conversation (online and phone) we have is filled with substance. We're two really different people but somehow our differences mesh well together. All that being said...I do not want to engage in a romantic relationship with her. But she has a crush on me and it's beginning to make me uncomfortable...mainly because I'm going to meet her for the first time in person soon and it's highly likely she's going to want to talk about this and ugh... Turning down guys is a lot easier for me but I'm not sure how to go about it with women...especially a friend and especially since on the surface it appears that we would be good for each other. But I just don't have any romantic/physical attraction towards her. So I guess what I'm asking is how can I turn her down nicely. I really don't want to lose her as a friend because she's a really awesome friend.
I'm not sure that there are any 'nice' ways to turn someone down, because getting turned down is always disappointing. That said, there are definitely unkind ways of doing it that you can avoid. I think the best thing is just to be honest. If she says she's got a crush on you/wants to go out/otherwise expresses feelings beyond friendship, be honest. She's told you how she feels, so tell her how you feel; that you value her friendship, and that, while you care for her, you don't feel any romantic 'spark'. Obviously, there might be a bit of awkwardness afterwards, but if you hang in there for a little while, hopefully you and she will pull through as firm friends. Good luck!
As the above poster has said, I think the most important thing is to be honest, it is easy at the time to think that not being honest might be kinder as you dont want to hurt her but it will only end up with her getting hurt more in the end. Just explain to her how you feel, that you value her friendship so much and you dont want to loose her, but that you are not interested in a relationship or that you dont feel that way about her but that you are flattered.
woaw, do i know how u are feeling! im in the same situation, except i met this girl on fb. and weve been flirting and whatever, and then i spoke to my ex and she wanted to get back together,yeah i tried to tell this other girl "gently" that i was getting back with my ex. she didnt take it lightly and confessed she had falen for me, and i explained that i valued her friendship and still cared about her, but still wanted to be good friends, and she took it as "its better than nothing". sorry not really advice but just letting u know that i can relate with what ur going through. good luck!!
Thanks guys. I appreciate the advice. I've been avoiding the topic but I plan to tell her the truth if she asks directly or if it's really clear she's getting too involved.
Update. This woman is really awesome. I explained to her that I felt like us becoming involved romantically/sexually would ruin our friendship and we just ended up having a really awesome exchange of words afterwards as usual. She was very understanding so all is well.