Ok when me, my sister and mum were watching an episode of glee (dont get me wrong my sister forced me to watch it) a scene showed of of kurt and his newly appointed boyfriend and that was when my mum made some not really nasty but rude enough. But earlier when i came out to my sister i asked her if she could test the waters of my mums opinion of gays and she asked my mum while we were watching glee if she hates gays and my mum answered yes. Im still closeted to most of my family by the way. So yea that just leaves me in a bit shaken up :icon_sad: and I always thought she would be supportive of gays, seems like im wrong... I dont plan on comming out to my parents anytime soon but do you have any tips with i guess easing my mum into a lifestyle with the awareness of gay people in the community and that being gay is okay?
That's pretty harsh! Your mom has a 15 year old son, so she's what? 40? 45? That's disappointing. Not sure what to suggest though. It's just a matter of talking about it, and finding out what it is that bothers her. The fact of the matter is that most people who hold those backwards attitudes don't actually KNOW any gay people. Gay people to them are nameless, faceless people - who they only relate to based on which gender they have sex with. They don't stop to think about the fact that in all other respects gay people are JUST LIKE THEM! They are sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. They fall in love. They go to school. They have jobs. They have friends. It's easy to dislike someone who you don't know or don't think you ahve anything in common with them. It's MUCH harder to maintain those same feelings when you realize that one of your own kids is 'one of those'. So try not to sweat it - it's quite likely that your mom will come around when she learns that her own son is gay.
Hate is always a strong word and I fear most people don't quite understand what it means. Hate is a burning feeling deep inside of you that has the power to twist and corrupt who you are at your core. Very few people ever experience it. Those who don't should be happy to have that fortune. As such, I doubt that your mother truly hates homosexuals. She probably doesn't understand them, so fears them. Fear does lead to anger quite easily, but if she somehow discovers that homosexuals aren't this faceless shadow in society, but normal people like you, that'll probably quickly change her attitude. Most people don't have a change or heart on most subjects until they're personally involved in it.
hate is usually the product of ignorance. does your mum even know any gay people? While I wouldn't recomend chargin right in, having a gay son could change her view on gays.
You should make her watch Jack and Bobby - Episode 10 "Lost Boys" Jack and Bobby Episode 10 Part 1 - YouTube Jack and Bobby Episode 10 Part 2 - YouTube Jack and Bobby Episode 10 Part 3 - YouTube Jack and Bobby Episode 10 Part 4 - YouTube
Im still a little bit shaken but yea you guys are right she will probably realise shes wrong in the eventuality I come out to her. Thanks for your support i really appreciate it. but one more quick question, is there a possibility that she could disown me if she feels so strongly?
i dont think she means it, i remember growing up quite religious and my mum would always correct me from doing "gay behavior", she would always give reference to how she didnt want me to turn out to be like her cousin who is full blown flamboyant, i came out not so long ago, and even in her depression about me, she, every now and then, tells me that she loves me no matter what, and its getting annoying now lol, i think if she knew you were gay, she would think twice about what she was saying, especially if she cares about you
One thing you can do, is do some coalition building. By which I mean: even though I'm not out to some family members, I do know that if they ever get blatantly homophobic, I have the support of (at the very least) my brother and his GF. Which means I can challenge their remarks, and get vocally backed up by my brother (or he'll challenge the remark and I'll vocally back him up). That way, they're faced with at least a minimal front of people saying "I'm not going to stand for this". Which, at least, led some of my grandparents to grudgingly admit "not all gay people are that way". Which I count as a minor success. So maybe your sister might be up for being a supporter to soften your mom up before you tell her. You might not want to challenge every remark, but occasionally getting some comments might help her see another side of things. Unlikely. Some parents initially react with incredulity, denial, and incomprehension. But that's an emotional reaction and they usually get over it. It's a different step entirely to jump from an emotional reaction to a piece of contract law like a will.
She'll come around. You may want to subtly try and show her the 'other side' of the argument, but don't get into a fully-blown argument otherwise she might start to think you are gay. Alternatively you avoid the issue and just shut up entirely. I do that around my family, works a charm. But of course, there are some family members who I intend to wait as long as possible before I tell them my sexuality. As for disowning you? She'd have to be one of those people who pray to God 2x daily (minimum), attend Church every day and actively be against gays, not to mention have no objections from the rest of your family. She may however, try to 'cure' you.
Firstly, well done for coming out to your sister, it's great she is accepting and that she is willing to help you. Secondly, a lot of mothers change their views if they have a member of their family come out. This does not always happen right away and it can take time but she may come round in the long term. Thirdly, you ask about your mum disowning you, the chances of that are small. But if you feel she may, it's going to be best that you come out once your stable enough to live on your own if the worst comes to the worst. (Enough money etc)
