this is really difficult

Hi and welcome to the site =)

I think there are a few reasons for the imagery of homosexuality being the way you portrayed it. One is that compared to other minorities in our societies, the LGBT community is defined by its sexual practices and desires. Thus it is what comes to mind when you think of it. Also, because there are less potential dates out there and they are harder to identify, a lot of times people feel forced to go to gay bars and stuff like that to meet other gay people. Bars are largely a place of promiscuity. Not to mention a lot of the stereotypes or just ignorantly spread by people who want an excuse to hate us.

As for myself. I've been in a relationship for over a year. Its very possible to have a long term same sex relationship. In fact some study has shown that same sex couples are more likely to stay together for at least 5 years then straight couples.

I know this is hard to accept, but there's nothing wrong with being gay, and I feel proud of enduring hardship because of it and a sense of community that I never felt before. God luck. I hope you find what you are looking for =)

 

Here it is if your thinking you could be gay its ok. The one thing that you need to know is that lying to your self will not help you ever. I lied to myself for years. I lived in the south where it was wrong and hated so i know how your thinking. But i say to you that it will be ok if you find out that you are happer being true to your self. Just look around and you will see that its not a bad thing being gay and that there are lots of people out there that will accept you for who you truly are.

 

1. Sadly, the media likes to portray gay men as either comic relief or sex-crazed deviants. In reality, gay men are exactly like straight men in terms of lifestyle and personality; we're all different! :] Some gay men are not good people, and many gay men are good people. Would it be right to assume all straight men are alcoholic hicks that sleep with their sisters and crush beer cans on their head? Of course not. Same goes for gay men.

2. I am a flamboyant individual who enjoys dancing about on poles in clubs. I am also in a loving, committed relationship; we have been together for three years and known each other since 2005, and are waiting for the chance to marry. Be careful of stereotypes; just because someone matches a supposed stereotype doesn't mean that they are bad people.

I think the more time you spend around real GLBT people, the more you will become comfortable. And just go with it... you don't have to be gay, straight or anything else right now. As you become more comfortable, maybe things will become clearer on their own. But if you do find that you are gay, it's okay. There is nothing wrong with being gay, despite what some people say.

 

Tennbad -- Similar boat. Though I don't know how you define later in life, I'm approaching 30 and finally confronting these thoughts and feelings. It's really hard to take these steps, but I imagine we both ended up posting here because, at long last, we've come to realize the lives we were living were unhealthy and unsustainable (empty?). I'm on this site a few weeks now, and its been really helpful thus far. I'm still just taking baby steps, but at least it's something. In any event, here to listen if you want advice or to share more of your story.

 

Hi and welcome to EC. I was in a similar situation and did not come out until 40, after I had been married for some time and had kids. Like you, I never imagined I could admit to anyone I was gay. I was also raised to believe gays were bad people, and I never knew any gay role models.

Fast forward to today, and I am completely out. I am in a stable, long term committed relationship with another lawyer. We are a pretty old fashioned couple, except we both happen to be men. While I realize this is not the image you see of gay couples in the media, this is actually more the norm, in my experience.

I strongly encourage you to find a therapist. Mine saved my life. Talk to him or her about your feelings. Take things slowly. The first step is becoming comfortable with who you are. You don't have to tell anyone, now or in the future, unless you want to. And if you decide to come out, it is up to you to decide when and to whom.

 

Welcome tennbad! I have a lot of the same questions too, regarding religion and a lot of other things, so you're not alone.

Facing those questions is really scary. I don't know how many nights I've lain awake wondering if I was going to hell and why I couldn't 'fix' myself. I can't provide you with answers myself. But you're not alone.

I know how frightening it is, too, when you know your parents wouldn't react well to knowing you're homosexual.

I'm not sure any of us can exactly provide you with answers--I think that's probably something everybody has to figure out for themselves. But you're not alone. None of us are alone, here or anywhere.

Welcome to EC.

 

Oh man. That Pat Robertson. For what it's worth, I have a distant relative who is like that. Stern people, devout Christians with a black and white world view. Their daughter came out not too long ago. While I don't know the conversations that were had behind the scenes, her role in the family has not changed an iota. She's still as much a part of everything as she ever was. Ultimately, the family rallied around her.

 

I'm in the same boat . . . I'm 30 and just coming out now. The analogy to feeling like a teenager is particularly apt. I'm kind of worried I . . . won't know what to do, or something! I guess teenagers figure it out, though, so theoretically we should be able to, too.

I don't think liking 20somethings makes you creepy . . . that's not THAT big an age gap, and there are bound to be people in that age group who actually prefer someone older. i fall into the preferring someone older camp . . . even when i dated men, i'd never date anyone younger. right now i'm talking to someone i met on an online dating site (oy! that sounds so cheesy . . .) and she's 18 yrs older than me. i had some reservations about that big an age gap, but so far, age hasn't been an issue.

 

Yeah, I hear you. Honestly, I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other. I got a late start in my sexual relationships with women. My first few times, I fumbled around like an idiot. I met a great girl who had a little more experience than I did, and I don't think I ever thought about performance issues or learning the ropes again.

I'm really hoping it's the same deal here. It'll be awkward at first, no doubt. But let's just hope we connect with someone who we can laugh with and work through it. I mean, we've gotta catch a break at some point, right?

As for age, you're thinking about this entirely the wrong way! It makes complete sense you are attracted to 20-somethings. Think about the straight community - who do middle age men gawk at? Most of these actresses, swim suit models, etc. are in their early 20s. To look at it more generally, your feelings are hypothetical at this point - you are not telling people your gay or connecting to people on an emotional level, so it's largely physical at this point. OF COURSE your purely physical attraction is going to gravitate towards more youthful, physically fit dudes. I'd sort of be surprised if they didn't.

As for resolutions, there are only two on my plate: 1. open up my mind to the idea of being gay more. I'm still fighting it, and I need to start embracing it - I can't change it so every day I spend avoiding it is just another day hurting myself. 2. figure out a way to do the honorable thing with respect to my girlfriend. I'm pulled away, and now I'm just gradually letting her fall out of love with me, without any explanation for my passivity.