Hey, It's KATT. Well. Sigh.. how do I even start? I've been contemplating suicide for the past few days, which is a bad sign I guess. I have no idea who I am anymore. My life has no definition. One year I'm one person, then everything changes so dang much that I'm just not even sure of anything. I just really don't want to live.. everyone else wants me to keep living but what does that matter if EYE don't? :/ I'm so ashamed. I've lost my mother, I've lost my best friend, my boyfriend. And not because of death, it's because they just.. don't like me anymore. Or because they going a different direction in life. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy, That's literally all I want.
Hi Katt, first of all let me say I've noticed you posting around the last week or so and I think you have an awesome vibrant personality and you have no reason to be ashamed. Even though I've never met you I can tell you're an amazing, upbeat, caring person =) I know where you are coming from, I've felt that same way a couple times, especially after I came out to my mother I just kind of gave up on life =/ The fact is that you and me and everyone have so much life to live and so much potential for happiness! I don't know what it is about these people in your life that people don't like. It could be coming out or something else entirely, but you should never try to change for someone else's happiness. That's something I have a lot of trouble with. I care so much about how I effect others, I forget to worry about my own happiness. What I said is sincere though. You seem to have such a caring heart and it would be a tragedy for you not to see that in yourself. =)
Hey! Like Jon, I've noticed your posts, and they've all showed compassion and caring. I'm sad to hear that you're feeling this way; however, I can empathize with your situation. I (and I'm sure many others here on EC) have had these dark thoughts before. Just remember, that though it may not seem this way now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If those people don't like you anymore, then consider it their loss, not yours. And if they are going down a different path that you can't follow, well, that's out of your control. You can advise them, or try to prod them down a better path, but in the end its their choice. And you can't punish yourself for it. It would be a shame to throw away your life now - you've got a hell of a lot of life to live. Try to focus on all the positive things about you, and to surround yourself with people who care about you. If your life is lacking definition, give it some! Try to get involved with a cause you care about or something that's near and dear to your heart. Maybe you like animals? You could volunteer at your local SPCA. Or maybe you could help out at a homeless shelter/ soup kitchen? There's lots of places and organizations that could use an awesome person like you! Do this, so that despite however much life and the people in it change, you'll always have a constant to rely on. Perhaps you could speak to a counselor or therapist about what's going on? If you could, it might not be a bad idea. Remember, you're awesome just the way you are! Keep your chin up! And whatever you do, keep talking about your feelings. It's good that you're talking to us EC'ers about it - it's detrimental to keep all this bottled up inside.
From what it looks like, you're young. Its not uncommon to know know where you're going, or who you are. Its easy to tell that you have a lot going for you, and you seem full of personality. Sometimes it can be discouraging to not be sure of yourself (I mean, I sure as hell don't!). Sooner or later you'll find yourself, so just smile and keep doing what you're doing until then
You seem like such a lovely person, I've also seen your posts around EC and I think what you're doing is such a great thing like how you're helping others with their problems, I really think you're going to make a change in the life of many people struggling who are struggling with their problems and identity. You seem like such a young and vibrant happy person, you still have a long life ahead of you and remember that things get worse before they get better just like a rainstorm is followed by a rainbow (hmm that last bit with the rainbow was sorta cheesy on my part lol )
if you kill yourself today, how will you know that there's a better tomorrow in store for you? killing yourself because of how you feel during the moment is not worth it. i've been there. live for tomorrow. in all seriousness though, if you still feel suicidal, call 9-1-1 or call 1-800-273-TALK. wishing you the best.
This is actually kind of more so relevant to me now than it was when I first made my post. I was at a visitation for my aunt tonight. I didn't know the whole story, but I guess she killed herself. She even went so far as to write letters to family, sons, parents, brothers, and sisters, and blame them for her death. She even had Christmas presents set out so this appears to have been planned well in advance. I guess she wanted to show people how she felt. I don't think anyone will really mourn her after this though. I think every either lost any respect for her, or feels extremely guilty because of her last messages to them (which they have no reason to). I know this doesn't really relate to you at all Katt. Just the whole suicide thing is kind of freshly hitting me today, and while I wasn't close to her personally, and this didn't hit me hard, I saw first hand the wave of destruction it set lose on every single person in her life. =/ Sorry for the random story, I think I just needed to vent a bit and the topic seemed a relevant place to do it.
