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Ace? Bi? Gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MoonDaisy, Oct 9, 2011.

  1. MoonDaisy

    Regular Member

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    I am not really sure where I am going with this and a lot of it is really personal. Trying to figure out where I am regards my sexuality. It’s proving rather difficult and something I would rather not have to deal with as I have so much else going on at the moment. Over a year ago before I turned 20 I realised I didn’t experience sexual attraction towards guys, yet there are some looks or styles I find rather pleasing to look at and personalities that make my heart beat a mile a minute, but this does not develop to a sexual attraction. When I met my last boyfriend I was attracted to his humour, outlook in life, his personality, maturity yet immaturity, that I liked, but it did not develop into a sexual lust. I loved being with him, kissing, and cuddling, holding hands, hanging out, flirting – just being really close. When it came to the point where things got a bit more physical, I couldn’t cope with it – I turned onto my stomach into a ball and cried....em twice, this was not happening....I felt like such a freak, and I was unable to explain to him what was wrong. I guess that was the test I needed to prove that I am asexual, or am I?

    Could I be gay, could I handle that? I often find myself more interested in the female body, taking a quick peek at a ladies breasts (often my best friend), my eyes always seems to fall there lol. On my 21st my best friend gave me a quite kiss on the lips saying “I wanted to be your first at 21” and since then I have often wondered what it would be like to kiss her for real and proper. Am I sexually attracted to females? The idea of physical intimacy is not as scary a thought as going that far with a guy. I would love to find the change to take it to the next step to see where my head (heart) lies but I have social anxiety and rejection scares me. Are my thoughts towards female’s normal for anyone? Aren’t we all curious?

    Could I be asexual towards guys and sexual towards the girls...is that an orientation? Or is this just too hard to answer as I have not had a relationship with a girl. How do you figure it out?
     
  2. DefineNormal

    DefineNormal Guest

    Unfortunately you're the only one who can figure it out, and that may take some time. I've neither had a proper realtionship with a guy or a girl and I'm comfortable saying that I'm mostly gay. I think that you just have to look inside yourself for a while, do some serious soul searching, and over time find out what works for you. As everyone will tell you labels are for soup cans so don't worry about that. If you're looking for a way to say 'asexual towards guys and sexual towards girls' you could go with biromantic homosexual, but it's all just letters really :grin:
    Hope things become clearer x
     
  3. blighted garden

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    I have a friend who is asexual and biromantic, but she seems to be more comfortable about the idea of getting physical with a woman than with a man. Any emotional/physical orientation is possible; you're not the only one out there.

    I spent a lot of time soul searching and trying to figure out my orientation in high school. I think what's important is not to obsess/focus on too much about who you like and how to label yourself. It's okay not to be unsure, and with time I grew comfortable with not knowing. You can too. Then I met my ex girlfriend in college, and I discovered more about myself through loving her. All in good time. Experiencing love with or without physical intimacy with people throughout your lifetime will help you figure it out.
     
  4. Katt

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    Hello Moon Daisy!

    I've had a lot of friends over the years that were at the same place you're in now. They weren't sure of who they were, and didn't really know how to find out. The best thing you can do is pay attention to your thoughts, and to your feelings. Not just during everyday things, (like seeing people walking in the hallway) but in the more, shall we say.. "private times" too. find out your prefrances, dig deep inside yourself, and don't ignore what you find. You see a lot more when you open your eyes! ^-^

    Your sexuallity is definetly something you'll have to define for yourself, but from what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're asexual, or heterosexual either. Mind you, I'm not the expert on all things MoonDaisy, but I do know a thing or two ;].
    Like you, my mother was nervous of rejection, and had some social problems as well. I know form her experiences, that it may be difficult to put yourself out there. I completely empathize. I reccomend that you take things slow in your relationships. This doesn't have to mean you never ever have a physical realtionship with a girl, it just means GO AT YOUR OWN PACE. Having a partner that understands this, and is patient with you, helps a lot.
    Where do I find a nice, compatible person, you ask?
    Well, there a couple of ways you can do this without shouting your curiosities to the world:
    -Find out from the grapevine (what people say) who is openly gay. If you know someone who is out in the open about thier sexuality, then you can explore (what you're comfortable with ofcourse) without having to advertise, so to speak.
    -The girl you mentioned seemed to be flirting with you, I suggest returning the kiss, this time "real and proper" [: You have every reason to, so there's nothing odd about it, and it's the perfect amount of tame to be comfortable with.

    Consider this, and ponder your own thoughts for a bit. [: Much love, and the best of luck to you!