1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Depression/Anxiety and Queer Relationships

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by blighted garden, Oct 9, 2011.

  1. blighted garden

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2011
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all, I'm just wondering if anyone is in the same boat.

    A while ago I posted saying that I had been dating a girl for a while. I've been official with her for a month now, and my feelings have been a bit on and off while hers have been a steady on. I had a horrible/borderline traumatic coming out experience 3 years ago, and my family and I haven't spoken about it since and they don't know about my gf.

    Due to the panic attacks I've been having due to the fear of them finding out, and my general post traumatic stress depressive feelings (finally went to a doctor and realized my guilty feelings were due to this), I've been put on a low dose of anti-depressants (Cipralex). Some days I feel close to my gf, as if there is a burgeoning love that is developing, and other days I feel completely shut off. It worries me when she seems to care for me a lot and I am oftentimes uncertain. I don't want to hurt her.

    I'm going to stay with her for now (although I'm worried about the future), since she has many qualities, is caring, and we have much in common. I also have been having more ups than downs lately and have been feeling more certain. It's just scary when I have off days where I don't feel much for her :/. Anyone else ever experience something similar? How did things turn out?
     
  2. Katt

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2011
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    I'm a texan[: No.. we don't ride horses to school.
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello sweetheart!

    I have been there, you are most definetly not alone. I was diagnosed with major and manic depression [around the same time] when I was very young. And as a result, holding a steady relationship was one of the most difficult things for me to do.
    Truth is, this probably isn't about yor girlfriend, it's much more likely that these feelings of confusion and guilt are a result of some underlying deppression, like you said. Not everyone experiences deppression the same. Some people have certian triggers, and others might not be all that effected. The important thing is, though, that you take care of yourself. If you are currently taking medicine for depression, then I suspect you have talked with your parents about it, and if that's correct, then you've made a good starting point for yourself. I encorage you to make sure you are communicating your feelings to your parents, even if you aren't close to them. They are still your parents, and they still love you, always! :] I also encourage you to see a counselor, it's a great addition to medicine, and I think you'll find out a lot about yourself that way. Family counsling is fantastic too.
    Depression is kindof a personal thing, so if you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfreind about it, then you certianly shouldn't make yourself. But I do think it would be a good thing for her to know, so that she can better empathize with your situation, and have a better understanding of what you're going through. Just like communication with your parents is important, communication is important in all relationships. [:
    Above everything else, I think you should take some time off your relationship with this girl, and figure things out. It doesn't have to be a long time, but it's important that you have at least enough to set some things straightened out. If you get to know yourself, and take the time to take care of the things you need to take care of (depression, family, health ect) then your relationships (all of them, not just with your girlfriend) will be stronger and more meaningful! :]

    I have faith in you! And can't wait to hear some good news about how this turns out. Much love!
     
  3. Mogget

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    New England
    Anti-depressants are wonderful, but unless your depression is purely clinical (and sometimes not even then), they aren't enough. It sounds like you may have PTSD on top of your depression and anxiety, as well, and PTSD cannot be effectively treated purely with medication.

    Essentially, to effectively treat your problems, you're going to need therapy. You don't have to tell your family why you're getting it, just that you think you need it in addition to your medication (which I assume they know you're taking).