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Weird Feelings

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Hot Pink, Oct 10, 2011.

  1. Hot Pink

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    Now, I've always liked girls and found them attractive. My drive for finding a girlfriend and a relationship was always low to nil. That's changing quite quickly now, though.

    In experience, people who work with transsexuals say that their sexuality changes during transition. This doesn't mean they do a 180 necessarily. It just means it changes somehow. Some people become more in tune with their sexual urges. Other just accept their sexuality for what it is and they stop pretending and convincing themselves that they like a sex when they don't. Others still just a shift in their urges.

    I'm of the latter. My urges have shifted from being nonsexual into being completely lesbian. I just don't like girls anymore, I love them! I want to have one of my own to hold, kiss, and snuggle with. There's a particular girl that I have strong feelings for, but I'm terrified around her. My chest gets a burning, tight feeling around her, I get queasy, and it's like my brain just shuts off. I've never experienced anything like this before.

    Problem is that since I'm in the middle of transition, my brain knows that it isn't a good time to start a relationship, but when I'm around her I suddenly stop caring about that. Oh, and she is bisexual, so I don't think that's an issue. Another strange thing is that she's like my antithesis. She's strong, outgoing, and fun, and I'm not... I don't know why I admire her, but these feelings keep getting stronger.
     
  2. Katelynn

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    I can sort of sympathize. I've only ever been attracted to women, but since I came out of the closet & accepted myself as being a girl, I've started having feelings & noticing guys, which has kind of confused me since I've always seen & thought of myself as a lesbian. I know that once I start on HRT, that there's a good possibility that these feelings will get stringer, but the feelings I've been having aren't sexual towards guys, they're more romantic. I see myself spending time with them or cuddling, but I have never pictured myself having sex with a guy. Women, on the other hand, I still continue to be physically attracted to very strongly & I still routinely have dreams of being with girls as a girl myself.

    And I can really sympathize with being strongy attracted to another girl. I stopped having sex 6 years ago because I couldn't deal with how uncomfortable it was, and it has been really frustrating. When I started college last month, I met this woman who I was just so instantly attracted to & I have every single class with. I have so wanted to ask her out, but I know it would be a horrible idea since I just recently came out. I ALMOST came out to her a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't since there were several other people with us & we were in the college courtyard with several other people within earshot. I think she may have suspected tho, since we were talking about Chaz Bono on DWTS & the whole freakout people were having (all of us agreed it was pretty stupid, no one cared that Chaz used to be Chastity, which was a bt encouraging). She had said something about all of us being female when we start out, & someone said something else & everyone laughed, but she looked at me & noticed that I was just smiling & nodding, & looked at me & said '(my name) isn't disagreeing!'. The other thing was that even tho she keeps bringing up her boyfriend, she just said last week if it didn't work out, she would totally go lesbian. She was laughing about it & it was obvious she might have been kidding, but I so wanted her to be serious, as well as being able to ask her out. The attraction I have for her is sooo strong that I just totally can't concentrate whenever she sits near me or next to me, which is pretty much all the time. I'm both really excited to hopefully start HRT soon, but also kind of afraid to lose these kinds of feelings towards girls, so it's kind of a mixed bag of emotions for me already...